Isn’t it wonderful to be told how loved you are?
I always think declarations of feelings give us opportunities to return them if we feel them. Love is extraordinary in that sense. It’s a feeling like no other.
There’s something a little different under the surface of the narcissist’s admission of love for you though.
When they whisper those words, there’s a big part of you that will feel complete.
Your soul will feel incompleteness, as things just do not compute.
Words need to match actions, right?
There’s a reason why they don’t in this instance.
“How Can You Say You Love Me?”
It’s the main question all victims of narcissistic abuse ask themselves, right?
When the love that you expect fails to arrive, you start to wonder why. Where is that love which should accompany your words? Why do you say you love me, but repeatedly prove through how you treat me, that you don’t?
Victims are left feeling confused about this. For them, they will do anything to show the people they love exactly how much they love them. In fact, it’s the exact opposite of how a narcissist will express themselves, and why that relationship dynamic ends up working.
Narcissists need your love in order to feel validated, wanted, with all that attention and affection. It helps cover up the true feeling they have for themselves.
Pure hatred.
They need you because you will always put them first.
And Empaths?
Empaths are prone to wanting others to just be happy. They hate arguing, and they feel everything a lot more deeply than everybody else.
Empaths are easier to manipulate. Not because they’re weaker, but because they always believe there is good in others.
Including the narcissist.
What it Really Means When The Narcissist Says They Love You
So – let’s open some eyes to the reality of what ‘I love you’ really means to a narcissist.
#1 “I Love How Much You Love Me”
And why wouldn’t they?
Narcissists love attention!
If you love them – you’re giving them the very thing they can’t live without – your displays of affection!
Your love comes with your loyalty, and that is gold dust to a narcissist. They know they’ve got a good one when that person declares such strong feelings.
For that reason?
They love you back! Sure! Whatever you need! Yep – love you!
Well – it works, right? They need to keep you sweet, so you stay sweet for them.
#2 “I Love Your Supply”
Anything you give the narcissist that strips you a little of yourself, is going to be a supply to them.
The differentiation between loving you and loving your supply is not going to be known to them. They see you as a commodity, and nothing more. For that reason, what you give them, and how often you do that is going to be one of the reasons they tell you they love you.
#3 “I Love Controlling You”
When you have got somebody who takes great pleasure in controlling you each and every day, they’re going to need to soften that with fake love.
I love you can mean so much to somebody who is otherwise being mistreated. It’s as if the mistreatment is just ‘one of those things,’ and the real emotions are actually that of love.
I react that way because I love you so much.
I just want what is best for you.
That doesn’t mean they get to make decisions for every aspect of your life.
But they do, because they’re narcissists, and because without that control, they really have nowhere to go and nothing to do.
So – think about it like this.
The next time the narcissist in your life starts to pull the strings and guide you a certain way through their control – are they doing it because they actually love you?
Is love a type of control, or is it a positive feeling of respect and happiness?
#4 “I Love You For Never Questioning Me”
Ah yes, this one is a bit of a corker.
When the narcissist gets you where they want you, you’ll be in a place where you never ask questions.
It’s better that way, and that’s what you’ve been conditioned to believe. So what do you do?
You keep quiet. You say nothing, and you let the narcissist live the life they want to.
You turn a blind eye to their abuse of both yourself and others, because you come to accept it’s just who they are. You know they aren’t like it all the time because they can also be really loving.’
In truth, the narcissist will tell you they love you, just because you treat them that way.
They will honor you by telling you they love you. And if it’s a system that works – then fantastic.
#5 “I Love You For Always Taking The Blame”
When you take the blame, the narcissist can walk away with a sly smile of fake innocence. They know they got away with it yet again, whatever it was, and you’re there to pick up the slack.
Victims of narcissistic abuse learn quickly to defend the narcissist, or to hold their hands up and say it was them. The blame then directs to a person who did nothing wrong.
I mean – there’s so much wrong with that, isn’t there?
Narcissists will love you for that. But it’s not even the kind of love you’ve ever experienced.
They don’t love you. They love what you do for them.
That’s not the same thing. You’re made to feel like it is, because when they say they love you, you believe them.
#6 “I Actually Don’t Love You”
When a narcissist tells you that they love you – refuse to believe them.
Don’t even try to understand their motive – because it will never work in your favor.
Instead, hear the words as a phrase of magnetism, pulling you nearer to them so they can keep you close by.
If you can start to unhear the love each time they tell you they love you, you will be able to pull yourself apart from their games.
#7 “I’m Saying This To Keep You Sweet”
When a narcissist says they love you, they’re saying all the right things to keep you hooked on them.
Their abuse doesn’t come into factor as soon as they start uttering words of love and promise. All they want is for you to know they love you, without ever really knowing how to show it.
Their words are enough to those who seldom receive any attention or affection. To hear them means they are thought of fondly, and held in a high regard by somebody else.
Sometimes, that’s all a person who has previously been neglected in earlier life needs.
Does that make it right?
Absolutely not.
