Most of us think of phones as a gadget that comes in handy for literally everything.
Maps, apps, texting, banking and more; phones are now handy to always have in your pocket.
Now imagine being the type of person who loves to spy, stalk and control, and having all of the above and more available to you at the press of a button.
Welcome to the world of narcissists. Let’s get a closer look at what they love the most about their phones.
#1 We all love our phones
Phones are not what they used t be, and I love that about the evolution of technology.
When I was at school, my math teacher would push us to work out equation methods, stating, “You will never just walk around with a calculator in your pocket, so you need to learn this!”
Um, WRONG!
Phones are math tools and so much more. We work from them, take photos with them, video call our nearest and dearest anywhere in the world with them; they are necessary for us all now.
But, like anything, if you put a phone in the hands of the wrong person, they will use it for reasons you may not even think of.
#2 Being glued to them isn’t totally out of the ordinary
This is the thing, isn’t it? We are all guilty of being glued to our phones.
We love that we can just switch the screen on and watch our favorite show if we are on a train, or curled up in bed. We get that latest news break, or the newest podcast episode.
They really do everything they can to encourage us to stay on them for as long as possible, and many do.
Seeing a narcissist on their phone from across the room really isn’t anything out of the ordinary.
#3 “I’m just catching up with a work thing”
Oh, that’s absolutely fine. You do you!
Sure thing, go ahead.
I know what it’s like!
Except, you don’t know what it’s like, because they aren’t catching up on a work thing.
They are brushing you off with the world’s worst excuse just so they can spy, stalk and control you.
You have no real idea what’s up on that screen, and assuming you do means you never really fully get to question them the way you might want to.
So guess what? They get away with it! And they love that while you’re telling them it’s okay, they’re using it to cross moral lines and privacy boundaries.
You think you’re validating their need to use it for work, and they see it that you’re validating their inappropriate behavior.
They really are that delusional!
#4 The apps
Let’s talk about apps for a moment, because I know you -like me – probably have a ton of them on your phone.
Whether it be music, fitness, shopping, TV subscriptions, or even puzzle apps (yes, I love a brain teaser!) apps live on phones.
But what about the ones we never talk about? The ones that house secret folders, the dating sites, the tracking apps.
When used appropriately, these apps can be useful. You’re single and want to date, go for it.
You want to check where your kids are on their route to school, perfect.
When these apps fall into the slimy hands of a narcissist, they are used for all the wrong reasons.
#5 Following
Who the narcissist follows online matters a lot. You won’t ever really know, because they keep so much from you.
I have lost count of the messages I get asking me if it’s normal that a grown adult has a Snapchat and follows random women or men that you don’t know.
They ignore you when you text or call, but you see they’ve been online and talking with strangers.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with those kinds of apps, it’s how they are being used, and by who.
You wouldn’t have a clue if the narcissist is spying on or stalking somebody, because they keep their profiles and screens under tight lock and key.
But trust me, they are following people of interest.
#6 Fake profiles
Fake profiles are a classic way for any narcissist to get to see the profiles of those they couldn’t otherwise, which is a red flag in itself.
If you think about it, this could only mean they’re blocked by said person, and need a fake profile to gain access.
Worrying?
Yes!
Fake profiles that intentionally don’t lead back to the narcissist is exactly the kind of profile they can get away with doing so much on, including overstepping boundaries and spying.
#7 Then there are the texts…
Texts can be used to really control victims. Think about it. You’re at work, or at home, minding your own business.
You get a text from the narcissist, who is demanding your attention.
They see you’ve seen the text and not replied, so they go again, and again until they get you.
To them, they want to know where you are, and how quickly you respond will determine in their weird mind where you are and who you’re with.
You haven’t replied. Are you out?
Are you busy?
Too busy for me, I see.
The guilt hits you, and you drop everything to get back to them.
There you have it.
Full control, and if I can be honest, it is quite stalkerish to want to know where you are and what you’re doing all the time, too.
#8 …Not to mention the calls!
The calls? They can be just as bad, if not worse! They don’t usually stop at one.
There are more than several in a cluster of minutes, and if you don’t answer, there will be a time where you will be made to suffer the punishment of the silent treatment, or even total discard.
It’s hard to tell a narcissist to go easy on a call, because if they want to spy, stalk or control you, they won’t stop at anything.
#9 Tracking app, anybody?
Apps that track movements can be handy for families, or people who work far away. It’s nice to see that they’re okay, or check in if they are late home.
Narcissists will happily make a coffee, sit on the couch all day and track your eerie move, just because they can.
They will say it’s out of care or concern, but they’re really monitoring you, ensuring you aren’t lying to them.
#10 Nothing creates a more toxic recipe
When you look at all the above, it’s easy to see how, when brought together, it can create a toxic recipe for disaster for you.
As far as the narcissist is concerned, they aren’t doing anything wrong.
They feel entitled to information.
But that doesn’t mean they truly are obligated to receive it.
If I could leave you with one piece of advice, it would be this:
Never trust a narcissist who uses their phone secretly. You just never know the extent of what they are up to.
And yes, that includes following, stalking, spying and controlling you, too.
