The older you get, the more you cherish and value the feeling of a good bedtime.
Days are hectic with a chaotic blend of work, self-care and having family, so that moment you fall into bed is where you can let it all go and catch those Zzz’s.
If you’re a narcissist, bedtime doesn’t look like it does for us normal people.
Instead, it can be as stressful and weird as the rest of their day.
But what does that look like?
Let’s see.
A Time For Relaxation…
Bedtime is lovely, isn’t it? The sun is setting, the stars appear, and the little lamp beside your bed goes on while you get ready to rest your weary head from your busy day.
You want peace and quiet, and trust me, you deserve it.
Narcissists on the other hand, don’t deserve peace. That’s probably why subconsciously, they like to stay awake and continue their quest to create conflict before you close your eyes.
What things can you expect from the narcissist you know after hours?
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Conversations on Loop
Not caring how repetitive they sound, narcissists will try to keep a conversation going. Driving you to the brink of insanity in the process.
Things like:
Don’t you want to talk more about this?
Why don’t you seem to care?
It shouldn’t matter what time it is.
I just want you to listen to me.
We shouldn’t be going to sleep until we’ve talked this over.
I can’t believe you’re just wanting to roll over and fall asleep.
Am I not important to you?
It’s tiring just reading those phrases, is it not?
I know for me, I feel exhausted already for the morning, and I’m the one writing it, not experiencing it!
If a narcissist is looking to start a conversation and keep it going round and round, you’re going to find a popular time; they do it will be before bed. To the sane of us, yeah, it’s weird.
To them, they’re just wanting to genuinely make you feel like you’re losing your mind.
Social Media: A Little Scroll
Lay down, lights off, snuggle under the cover, and scroll through social media.
Before you say it, I know we’re all guilty of scrolling last thing at night, even though it’s probably not wise to do it.
This isn’t that.
This is searching the profiles of the people you know to see what they’re missing.
Looking to see how many likes they have, comments; anything at all to feel like they’re staying in the loop.
It’s weird to me, but of course it makes sense that a narcissist has to end their day keeping one foot in the social door.
If they don’t know everything, they won’t feel as though they have the upper hand on people, dynamics and situations.
Personally, I don’t even know what the point in that is, seeing as most of what you see on social media is exaggerating lies anyway!
Late Night Text or Call
Gotta check in with that person. That important person. Gotta send a text or line up a call to take somebody they have their eye on ruining for the entire night.
A call or text from a narcissist can invoke anxiety, panic, fear, or stress.
If you’re unlucky – all of the above.
The narcissist has to feel like they’re doing something to boost their self-esteem.
They will reach out to whoever they know will answer or listen, just so they can sound off or connect.
It’s all pretentious, and the conversation is likely to be as shallow as possible.
That’s all part of it though, right?
Never does anything deeper come from a conversation with a narcissist, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t fully capable of making your life miserable.
Hint: If you have a narcissist in your life, add them to your Do Not Disturb list.
Better yet, archive their texts, hide them, switch your phone onto flight mode an hour or so before bed.
That way, you can’t be caught out last thing before you go to bed.
You need your sleep, and they need to comprehend the word boundaries.
Lay Awake Plotting
Who can I play with tomorrow?
Whose heart can I break?
Where can I inject a little anxiety?
I wonder what so-and-so would do if I started to creep in and ruin that friendship?
Isn’t it a telling story that these thoughts actually occur? Narcissists can’t just fall asleep and drift into a night of slumber and rest.
Having to constantly think ahead you’d think would be exhausting, but to them, it’s their job.
They need to be a step ahead, and think about ways they can alter your behavior, how you feel, or what you think.
It’s a constant cycle that’s always swirling around, even when you think things feel calm and normal (for that little while they feel it).
The plotting is real, and it can feel like a bolt out of the blue when they act upon their plans.
But make no mistake – these plans always hold a motive behind them.
Withholding Love to the Unlucky One
It’s the best thing in the world to fall asleep next to the person you love.
Knowing you share your life with somebody who makes you feel special and loved is pretty much what we all want to live for.
How lucky to be able to then wake up the next morning in their company, starting a new day and being able to write another story together?
If you’re with a narcissist, you won’t really know what any of that feels like (even though you really want to).
They don’t do the whole nice, cozy thing before bed. Could you imagine them being so giving with their affection? Never going to happen!
What you’ll get instead, is a purposely cold goodnight. Sometimes it’ll be accompanied with a sigh, or a, “I’m tired. It’s been a long day.”
Other times, if you try to initiate a brief bedtime chat about your day, you might hear, “Why do you always do this before bed? Why can’t you just let me sleep?”
The hug you want is met with rolled eyes. The intimacy you’re trying to initiate too, is rejected.
You feel confused, as you ask yourself why.
The answer is clear.
The narcissist is being weird, but to them, they have their reasons. They just want to go to sleep.
In reality, they’re giving you a reason to fall asleep feeling unsettled yet again.
It’s not fair!
You lay awake with the same, familiar thoughts on loop:
What did I do wrong?
Why do they not want to be close to me?
Why are they so impatient with me all the time?
What can I do to try to make them interact more positively with me?
Am I not attractive any more?
Why are they so hot and cold?
I can’t sleep.
I can’t shut my mind off.
It’s no wonder! All these thoughts swirling around your head are never going to get you to fall asleep!
You can blame the weird narcissist for that.
Their plan to disrupt your nervous system right before bed has worked.
Again.
