The older you get, the more you cherish and value the feeling of a good bedtime.

Days are hectic with a chaotic blend of work, self-care and having family, so that moment you fall into bed is where you can let it all go and catch those Zzz’s.

If you’re a narcissist, bedtime doesn’t look like it does for us normal people.

Instead, it can be as stressful and weird as the rest of their day.

But what does that look like?

Let’s see.

A Time For Relaxation…

Bedtime is lovely, isn’t it? The sun is setting, the stars appear, and the little lamp beside your bed goes on while you get ready to rest your weary head from your busy day.

You want peace and quiet, and trust me, you deserve it.

Narcissists on the other hand, don’t deserve peace. That’s probably why subconsciously, they like to stay awake and continue their quest to create conflict before you close your eyes. 

What things can you expect from the narcissist you know after hours?

Conversations on Loop

Not caring how repetitive they sound, narcissists will try to keep a conversation going. Driving you to the brink of insanity in the process.

Things like:

Don’t you want to talk more about this?

Why don’t you seem to care?

It shouldn’t matter what time it is. 

I just want you to listen to me.

We shouldn’t be going to sleep until we’ve talked this over.

I can’t believe you’re just wanting to roll over and fall asleep.

Am I not important to you?

It’s tiring just reading those phrases, is it not? 

I know for me, I feel exhausted already for the morning, and I’m the one writing it, not experiencing it!

If a narcissist is looking to start a conversation and keep it going round and round, you’re going to find a popular time; they do it will be before bed. To the sane of us, yeah, it’s weird.

To them, they’re just wanting to genuinely make you feel like you’re losing your mind. 

Social Media: A Little Scroll

Lay down, lights off, snuggle under the cover, and scroll through social media.

Before you say it, I know we’re all guilty of scrolling last thing at night, even though it’s probably not wise to do it.

This isn’t that.

This is searching the profiles of the people you know to see what they’re missing.

Looking to see how many likes they have, comments; anything at all to feel like they’re staying in the loop. 

It’s weird to me, but of course it makes sense that a narcissist has to end their day keeping one foot in the social door.

If they don’t know everything, they won’t feel as though they have the upper hand on people, dynamics and situations. 

Personally, I don’t even know what the point in that is, seeing as most of what you see on social media is exaggerating lies anyway!

Late Night Text or Call

Gotta check in with that person. That important person. Gotta send a text or line up a call to take somebody they have their eye on ruining for the entire night.

A call or text from a narcissist can invoke anxiety, panic, fear, or stress.

If you’re unlucky – all of the above. 

The narcissist has to feel like they’re doing something to boost their self-esteem.

They will reach out to whoever they know will answer or listen, just so they can sound off or connect.

It’s all pretentious, and the conversation is likely to be as shallow as possible.

That’s all part of it though, right?

Never does anything deeper come from a conversation with a narcissist, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t fully capable of making your life miserable. 

Hint: If you have a narcissist in your life, add them to your Do Not Disturb list.

Better yet, archive their texts, hide them, switch your phone onto flight mode an hour or so before bed.

That way, you can’t be caught out last thing before you go to bed.

You need your sleep, and they need to comprehend the word boundaries. 

Lay Awake Plotting

Who can I play with tomorrow?

Whose heart can I break?

Where can I inject a little anxiety?

I wonder what so-and-so would do if I started to creep in and ruin that friendship?

Isn’t it a telling story that these thoughts actually occur? Narcissists can’t just fall asleep and drift into a night of slumber and rest.

Having to constantly think ahead you’d think would be exhausting, but to them, it’s their job. 

They need to be a step ahead, and think about ways they can alter your behavior, how you feel, or what you think.

It’s a constant cycle that’s always swirling around, even when you think things feel calm and normal (for that little while they feel it). 

The plotting is real, and it can feel like a bolt out of the blue when they act upon their plans.

But make no mistake – these plans always hold a motive behind them. 

Withholding Love to the Unlucky One

It’s the best thing in the world to fall asleep next to the person you love. 

Knowing you share your life with somebody who makes you feel special and loved is pretty much what we all want to live for.

How lucky to be able to then wake up the next morning in their company, starting a new day and being able to write another story together?

If you’re with a narcissist, you won’t really know what any of that feels like (even though you really want to). 

They don’t do the whole nice, cozy thing before bed. Could you imagine them being so giving with their affection? Never going to happen!

What you’ll get instead, is a purposely cold goodnight. Sometimes it’ll be accompanied with a sigh, or a, “I’m tired. It’s been a long day.”

Other times, if you try to initiate a brief bedtime chat about your day, you might hear, “Why do you always do this before bed? Why can’t you just let me sleep?”

The hug you want is met with rolled eyes. The intimacy you’re trying to initiate too, is rejected. 

You feel confused, as you ask yourself why.

The answer is clear.

The narcissist is being weird, but to them, they have their reasons. They just want to go to sleep.

In reality, they’re giving you a reason to fall asleep feeling unsettled yet again. 

It’s not fair!

You lay awake with the same, familiar thoughts on loop:

What did I do wrong?

Why do they not want to be close to me?

Why are they so impatient with me all the time?

What can I do to try to make them interact more positively with me?

Am I not attractive any more?

Why are they so hot and cold?

I can’t sleep.

I can’t shut my mind off.

It’s no wonder! All these thoughts swirling around your head are never going to get you to fall asleep!

You can blame the weird narcissist for that.

Their plan to disrupt your nervous system right before bed has worked. 

Again.

What Narcissists Really Think About You?

You should never sit in the seat of certainty when it comes to any narcissist.

You will never be there for long, because you were instead destined for confusion.

Narcissists think and act differently, depending on their mood that day. If they feel like it, they will be nice.

If they’re nice, it’ll be because they want something from you.

If they’re not nice, it’s because they need your supply. They like to see you suffer.

Knowing what they really think about you will give you an idea of their true character…

…And it’s not good.

You Think You Know Them?

Nobody ever really knows the narcissist. The only person who knows them is them. 

I don’t think it’s ever really wise to assume you know everything there is to know about somebody so toxic.

After all, they love to change the goalposts so much that as soon as you feel you have them pegged, they change and shift the tides to suit themselves.

The same can be said for what they really think about you.

Living Your Best Life, Until…

They come along!

It’s the same with all narcissists. You’re happy until you realize what you’ve gotten yourself into. 

Isn’t it a shame to think that the narcissist, somebody who claims to have your best interests at heart, treats you the way they do?

How can somebody who says such loving things never ever prove that love in any healthy way at all?

Underneath Their Act Lies Jealousy

It’s okay to be a little envious in life. It’s a natural response to somebody having what you would love to have.

For example, your friend could have bought themselves a new holiday cabin with a view.

Darn. I would love that. I am so envious you get to go there!

That’s where it ends, though, right?

I mean – you have a choice. You can work hard to earn the money for one. You can ask to stay there if you paid your way for the week.

Narcissists don’t get envious – they rage with jealousy.

They detest all the good in the lives of others and will resent you for what you have.

Is that normal?

Nope!

Is that right?

Absolutely not!

“Look At You, All Happy. That’ll Have To Stop…”

They hate your happiness. It acts like a plague on them. They want to cut it off as quickly as they can, so they’ll do what it takes to ensure any joy is fleeting.

How dare they smile and have things go their way?!

The confusing part for you is that you think they love you. You automatically think they’ll be happy when you receive good news, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Any happiness is bound to come from something or somebody other than them. That’s a major threat. How could you allow that?!

Derailing your happiness can take various forms: mocking you until you stop, criticizing you until you no longer believe in yourself, or shaming you until guilt about your own happiness eats you up. 

I could go on forever. 

Imagine being around somebody who loathes seeing you content that much.

“I Can Get Away With Anything!”

Forgiveness is an act undertaken by people who can see the bigger picture. They want peace and understand that people make mistakes. 

Asking for forgiveness can alter how you view your mistakes if that forgiveness is going to be abused later on. 

Those who are genuine in being sorry know they will not repeat what they did to hurt the other person. That’s how it generally goes, right?

Narcissists don’t care. They truly don’t. They will repeatedly offend, time and time again. 

They know they’ve got several love-bombing tricks up their sleeves that have proven very efficient so far. 

There’s no reason why those things won’t work all over again.

And you know what? All the while you continue to forgive, they will continue to offend. 

They Don’t Love You

I know it’s a tough pill to swallow. Knowing you aren’t loved takes a lot of hard work because, for the most part, you feel in complete denial. 

Of course, they love me. They tell me they do.

I know they love me. They wouldn’t have taken me on that expensive trip if they didn’t. 

You learn the value of love to only be at the currency the narcissist sets.

Love isn’t a currency. It doesn’t ebb or flow. It remains. 

I know it’s hard to admit to be true. All that emotional work you put into the relationship. All the ways you were vulnerable and shared your life with them. 

I speak truthfully when I tell you it was all a ploy to get you to play their game. 

Threatened By Your Success…

If a narcissist sees your success, they’re going to want and need to put a stop to it immediately. 

Your success can be compared to a competition you don’t even realize you’re in.

You’re exceeding, and the judges have their eye on you. Only the narcissist is also taking part, and the judges aren’t even looking their way at all. 

The anger. The resentment. The envy. It will all spill over the surface.

So, what does the narcissist do? When nobody is watching, they will sabotage what you are making or creating so that you fall down in the competition rankings.

They may even steal what you have and use it for themselves.

That’ll get them noticed!

They can’t stand to see you getting the attention. To them, you don’t deserve happiness because it isn’t something they’re personally gaining for themselves. 

What a dangerous and toxic trait to have, right?

Well… welcome to the world of narcissists.

…Pleased When You Fail!

The party poppers would be popping constantly if the narcissist had their way. When you fail, it’s not something they necessarily or overtly laugh about (although that can happen).

Instead, they will quietly smirk in the corner of a darkened room. They don’t want others to see their joy, but that won’t stop them from feeling it.

You’d think somebody who claimed to care about you would be falling over themselves with concern if you are down, sad, failing, or having a terrible day.

Nope.

Narcissists love it. They love seeing you fall because when you do, you land at the bottom of the heap, exactly where the narcissist resides. 

Knowing they have company makes them feel better, and seeing your misery or disappointment will ensure a huge grin is plastered all over their faces—difficult to wipe off.