Men aren’t the only ones we need to point the finger of blame on when it comes to narcissism.

Women are just as capable, if not worse, of being toxic and dangerous to their male partners.

As it goes, this is the day we flip to the script a little and focus on the toxic power of female narcissists and the damage they can cause.

These 10 ways may, in part, sound familiar, but when you put that female twist on them, they get pretty dark…

…Pretty quickly.

Can The Tables Be Flipped?!

I will tell you now that any table can be flipped when it comes to abuse.

If a man can do it, so can a woman.

Do you hear about it a lot? Of course not! You might hear the odd tale, story or experience, but as statistics go, 1 in 7 men compared to 1 in 4 women will be victims of some kind of Partner aggression.

1 in 4 is terrible, and 1 in 7 isn’t a million miles away.

And if you’re still wondering if those tables can be flipped, around 25% of these calls to police are from male victims. 

Do we need to talk about it more?

Absolutely!

Understanding How it Works Both Ways

While the foundational aspects of narcissism work among both genders, there are distinct differences between female and male narcissists and how they operate. 

I think if you’re going to want to learn about narcissism, it’s important to learn how this is possible.

The majority of you may be healing or dealing with a past relationship with a male narcissist, but what about friendships? Bosses? Coworkers? Family members?

Female narcissists cover those kinds of people and believe me when I say that you will definitely encounter more than one in your life if you haven’t already. 

Yes, it works both ways, and those women will go home to abuse their male partners.

With that being said – let’s get into what that might look like – point by point.

10 Ways Female Narcissists Really Abuse Their Male Partners

1. They Know More

I’m handing women a huge compliment by saying how much more attuned they are to emotions and the psychology of relationships.

Women naturally gravitate to these things as they are primarily the ones in relationships who may initiate conversations that need to happen or who are more in touch with their own feelings and thoughts. 

Women look for information that may help them through their personal lives, whereas men are more inclined to just get on with things.

Knowing more about narcissism and how to deal with narcissists can make female narcissists learn how to manipulate that advice.

Which just sounds awful, doesn’t it? It’s more likely that she will be able to play on that if she has information on how to handle being around the very person she is.

2. The Drama is so Easy

It’s easy for narcissistic women to whip up drama, because they pay attention to so many minute details.

I’m not saying they’re more dramatic in general. I’m saying what they take note of is going to be used against their male victims. 

And boy, are they good at that!

3. Victim Mode is Supercharged

Due to what we see in the world, and how much we know about male abusers, it’s easy for narcissistic women to play on that and treat themselves as victims.

They do it because they know it’s more likely they’ll be believed, and their male victim stands little to no chance to redeem themselves. 

4. It’s All About Intimacy

Intimacy is widely known to be the tool of attraction for narcissistic females. With men, you’ll see them using love as their own weapon of choice, as it’s what women tend to want to see from a prospective male.

Women use intimacy because it tends to be the first thing male victims need. The luring aspect of physical intimacy usually means the male is captivated from the get go. 

5. Covert is Their Middle Name

Narcissistic females know how to be subtle. They don’t want to come bounding into somebody’s life and create merry mayhem. 

They act like they care. They act as though your best interests are their priority. But they have a game plan, and they will win, no matter what it takes.

Everything is done so insidiously that you won’t even notice until the male victim doesn’t even recognize himself anymore. 

6. “You Make The Money”

What a great way for the narcissistic female to put her feet up and pretend she’s got the home covered. 

You go out and make the money, and I will make sure your favorite dinner is on the table for you when you get home. 

This works initially, and the male victim feels taken care of. He is providing, and he feels empowered, but the narcissistic female takes that away over time by doing less and less. 

7. Sensitivity vs. Reactivity

Female narcissists are often more emotional than their male counterparts, which also makes them more likely to be sensitive and reactive.

While all narcissists tend to be sensitive to criticism, female narcissists may be more prone to being hurt, offended, or upset by others.

This can also make them more likely to lash out, become moody or emotional, or shut down when upset.^{2, 3}

8. Mean Girl Status

Narcissistic women are infamously mean. You’ve probably seen the movies over the years where the popular group is mean to the new girl.

This is precisely the kind of behavior to expect from a narcissistic woman to her partner, but only behind closed doors. 

In public of course – they’re sweet as pie.

9. They Never Admit Fault – ‘Women Rule’

It’s the longest-standing joke, isn’t it?

Men are always wrong. Women are never right.

Behind every man is a good woman holding them up.

Women are the glue in the relationship.

“I just do as I’m told.”

Let’s break it here for a second because it’s generally a pretty good call to hold women accountable for doing so much and so much good. Whether that be the world or relationships – they’re amazing.

But this is what narcissistic females hold onto – and it’s what gets them out of every bit of trouble you could imagine. 

“Women rule. I am right.”

The joke is that, but the reality is far more cunning and dark. 

10. The Coy, Shy Beginning

Narcissistic women are incredibly good at playing on their femininity. This isn’t about putting on a pretty dress and fluttering their eyelashes, although believe it or not, that does come into it in some ways. 

This beginning of a relationship with a female narcissist is just as captivating for men as it is for women with narcissistic males. 

Here’s the thing: 

• Narcissistic females employ their intimacy onto men who are perhaps a little shy or introverted. They do this by mirroring that introvertedness. “Look at me, we are so similar.” As soon as the male victim feels safe and secure, that’s when the tables turn.

• Being shy in the beginning allows the male to feel slightly empowered, taking somebody so coy and quiet under their wing to look after. There is this sense of male innate need to do so, but of course, there’s no need.

• The beginning is where all narcissists entrap their victims. As soon as the shy game is bought, that’s when the abuse will ramp up.

How To Outsmart The Narcissist?

Outsmarting a narcissist might seem like something you would never be able to do.

Think of all those times that toxic person has made you feel small, or even nothing. The idea of outsmarting them won’t come naturally to you, right?

Wrong!

You can absolutely outsmart a narcissist. They won’t see it coming, they won’t see you coming – and it will be a shock to their narcissistic system!

Finding ways to outsmart a narcissist can be fun, and it will put you right back in control of your life.

So, let’s see a show of hands to see who’s with me?

Narcissists: The Truth Behind the Mask

Narcissists! 

You’ve likely encountered them at some point in your life, right? That’s why you’re here!

Narcissists walk into a room and act like they own it, even if they’ve just walked into your kitchen. It’s incredibly frustrating.  

Masters at creating a toxic air of confidence and superiority, narcissists hide behind their mask. Behind it all? Insecurity and neediness!

You know it well, I’m certain!

Narcissists can be charming and persuasive when they want to be. 

They’re also incredibly convincing at it. 

But don’t be fooled. 

Their charm is a well-rehearsed act designed to get what they want, whether from you or from others.

They thrive on control and manipulation, and will do what it takes to continue this weird game of human chess they are experts at. 

Understanding the core of a narcissist is crucial for all of us – especially you. 

Beneath all charm and smiles, they are often fragile. They fear their true selves being exposed – and they do all they can so that doesn’t happen. 

This fragility makes them dangerous, but it also makes it possible to outsmart them. 

Once you know what exactly is lurking behind the mask, you’ll be much better equipped to deal with their toxic tactics.

They Think They’re So Clever!

Narcissists believe they are the smartest person in the world, and nobody else compares even marginally. 

They convince themselves of this, and do their best to convince others too.

They use their quote-on-quote “intelligence” to dominate conversations and situations, which only makes others feel inferior. Is this a familiar story to you? 

It is to so many people, sadly.

The narcissist has a deep sense of superiority, which acts as a double-edged sword. 

Yes, it fuels their confidence and bravado. But also, it makes them vulnerable to being outsmarted. If you think about it, anybody can outsmart them, and it certainly doesn’t take much at all. 

Their arrogance blinds them to their own weaknesses, which can backfire on them!

What does this mean? Well, it means the narcissist can sometimes really underestimate others. 

Good news for you though – as this overconfidence is where you can find your edge.

Dealing with a narcissist requires more than just holding your ground; it’s about understanding their playbook and using their own tactics against them. They think they’re so clever, but with a little knowledge and strategy, you can turn the tables.

You? Really? …

Yes! Really!

You’re here because you’ve had enough of the narcissist’s mind games, right?

Outsmarting them is now a healthy option for you, and you should definitely do all you can to do it.

If the narcissist is your friend, boss, family member or lover – the time has come to regain control and peace of mind. 

You’re so not alone.

Many people struggle with how to handle narcissists effectively. 

The key? 

Outsmart them!

Let’s get to the good bit…

How to Outsmart a Narcissist

#1 Be Firm – Set Your Boundaries!

Narcissists are known to thrive on pushing limits, no matter who they belong to. Oh yes, expect boundaries to be constantly tested. They will look for your weakness and then exploit them, until now, that is!

The first step in outsmarting a narcissist is to get your boundaries as firm and clear as possible. This means being completely transparent about behavior you will accept, and what behavior you won’t.

Don’t stop short at setting boundaries, you have to enforce them too. When that narcissist attempts to walk all over them, you have to calmly and consistently push back. 

Make your language clear – and assertive. No, they won’t like it, but hey, this isn’t about them anymore, is it? The less emotion you apply, the better. After all, narcissists feed off any kind of reaction.

Composure is key, just like consistency. 

#2 “Gray Rock”

The gray rock method is such an empowering tool when dealing with any narcissist. 

The idea of gray rock is to make yourself as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible.

You might think that sounds easy but it does take a little practice to get it just right.

Remember, narcissists crave drama and seeing you act ‘overly-emotional.’ By being boring and unengaging, you deny them that very satisfaction they seek.

Bingo!

When they try to provoke you, be bland. Be the human equivalent of vanilla.

Avoid showing anger, frustration, excitement – any of it. Over time, they are strongly likely to lose interest in trying to manipulate you because you’re not giving them the fuel they need.

You’ve become so boring!

No…. I am just doing my best to outsmart your attitude…

#3 Deflection – Master It!

Narcissists love to put you on the spot – it’s their attempt to make you feel uncomfortable. 

One way to tackle this is to master what I like to call the art of deflection.

Whenever they try to criticize or undermine you, that’s when you redirect the conversation. Ask them a question that shifts the focus back onto them or onto a neutral topic.

I’ll give you an example.

They criticize your decorating work at home (how predictable, right?) 

Now you respond with, “Interesting point. What do you think about the weather lately?” 

It sounds crazy, but it really throws them off and totally stops them in their tracks. 

#4 Information is Preparation!

Ah yes, narcissists will often use misinformation and lies to manipulate everybody else. 

You can outsmart them here by being well-informed and prepared. Do your research, re-check facts, and even have evidence to back it all up. 

Many people I know have been known to write down information or revert to old texts for screenshots to prove their points. 

This will all reduce the narcissist’s ability to use deception against you.

This is all about concrete information – and who can argue with the facts?

#5 Gather Your Support System

It’s not uncommon for narcissists to isolate their victims to assert themselves and gain more control.

You can maintain a strong network of people you love and trust. Seek support from anybody you know who may understand the situation you’re in, and who can provide advice.

Encouragement is also heavily advised here!

Having that crucial support system will help you stay grounded in your reality. When a narcissist is trying their best to get to you, you have people you can rely on to turn to. 

Let’s start unlock that potential!