Q: Please can you help me, I am writing this to you from my heart. I am going to skip through my childhood. will concentrate on most recent events about my mother.
I always lacked confidence as a young woman and ended up with 2 divorces behind me, always the disappointing daughter. I got married for the 3rd time in 1997, my father and I had always been close and enjoyed a healthy relationship my father was a good loving father to myself and my younger brother.
My real nightmare started for me when I my father passed away 6 years ago. He was at home I was there when he passed. For a year and half after his passing, I experienced nasty phone calls from my mother, really spiteful and nasty messages. Though I grieving myself I felt sorry for my mum so I put myself,my husband and my son who was only 5 at the time through a lot of heartache. This went on for around 18 months. Then I was shocked to receive a letter from my mothers solicitor making false allegations about me and my husband threatening her all of which are lies.
The instructions are that there is to be no contact by phone; person or visit also I was to have no contact with my brother. I was deeply hurt by this. I left it for a year and because of the emotional abuse I had suffered for years I went back to my and we had telephone contact for 3 years she kept me dangling saying that she could not see me as my brother would not be happy about it.
She also blamed my brother saying he took her to solicitors and put the thought of no contact with me into her head; also blamed it on losing my dad and not being well. my mother eventually agreed for me to visit; of which I have done so .
So for 15 Months it has not been a very happy experience when I saw my mum after not seeing her for several years all the photos of my son as a baby/toddler had been taken down and photos of me. The most recent photos of my son were not on display my mum told me that they were hidden away in a drawer as she would upset my brother if he saw them. Also that our visits would have to be our little secret from my brother. I also noticed that almost everywhere I could see photos of my brother and his wife everywhere???
Christmas just gone my mother was in hospital and my brother found out that I had been seeing my mum not very pleased about it. I have begged my mum to withdraw the allegations that she made and she has kept me dangling again giving me false hope and then makes excuses, about her ill health. I should of challenged the false allegations at the time but I was grieving and had a young family.
My mothers health is not good. I want the strength to break free but I feel sorry for her, and I keep going back it is hurtful painful and it is getting in the way of my family life. also my son has been denied a relationship with his grandparent, which has been upsetting. I want to break free please is there anybody I can talk too? Yours Hurting
A: There are mind games, manipulation and control issues throughout the family. What a minefield! Please find a local therapist to help you sort out your feelings as you seem confused as well as hurt. You feel sorry for your mother yet she seems to have brought nothing but hurt and lies to you. You say you want to break free from this painful relationship yet you are upset because your son has been “denied” a relationship with her. Why would you want him to experience the same pain and poisonous words that your mother has given you?
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