If you had the power to unmask a narcissist, would you dare?
What always becomes exposed, is who they really are. And it’s a shock to the system for those who have poured so much faith and hope into a person who was hell bent on ruining their life.
It’s difficult to process, but underneath their mask not only lies their true self. You will also find a secret life to go with it.
If you find this to be too much, look away.
If you want to discover the secret life of the narcissist you know…
…Your time has come.
When The Door Shuts…
The entire facade of a narcissist changes, doesn’t it?
You’ve seen it for yourself, I’d imagine, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. You want to read and have your experiences validated, and this is probably the biggest validator I can offer you…
Narcissists present differently to whoever they’re with at the time. They will be on their best behavior if they’re trying to impress somebody or come across as a good person.
If they’re wanting something from you, they will smile and give you the affection and compliments that make you feel good.
When that door shuts, and that front is no longer needed, the narcissist will show you their true self.
It won’t be pleasant, and you will want to scream and tell everybody what you’re experiencing, but they only see the ‘best behavior’ version.
I hear you. I see it. I know it. I believe you.
I know it’s hard to understand why they do this, but it’s all a game of self-preservation.
Self-Esteem of an Eggshell
All it comes down to is this one simple fact:
The assumption that a narcissist has a level of self-esteem as strong as their ego is incorrect.
The ego is so strong because it hides self-esteem, which is so fragile, I could compare it to an eggshell.
I know you all lie awake at night wondering how somebody so overtly abusive can feel so offended by literally everything you say or do, and this is why.
This is a secret they keep to themselves, as for them it’s a huge giveaway that they aren’t perfect. If they know you have the ability to frustrate or anger them, they’re aware that you have that control.
Control? I thought that was mine to own!
Not always, narcissist. Not always.
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What Are They Up To Online?
Well? What do you think they’re up to?
Adding exes as friends, commenting on their photos, sliding into their DMs. Watching adult content. Signing up to dating sites. The list can, and indeed does, go on and on.
The narcissist will hide it all from you naturally, but it will be a secret of theirs they can’t help but hold and keep.
And the worst part? They will act as though they aren’t doing a thing wrong!
It’s none of your business who I talk to.
It’s innocent.
You’re just jealous.
You’re imagining things.
It means nothing.
Right. But it means something to you and that should be important enough.
Relationships?
Hands up who has had experience of a narcissist creating and maintaining another relationship outside of yours?
All narcissists love to flirt, exchange messages, or speak inappropriately to other people outside of the exclusivity of you both. Many victims fall over themselves with guilt.
Could I have done more?
Was I not attractive enough?
Did I not treat them well?
All of that can get in the bin – none of it matters.
What matters is that you hold the narcissist accountable for their secret life or relationships. They’re created to offer a slice of supply. Remember – supply for the narcissist is like an addiction. And eventually yours alone won’t be enough for their ego, so they will search for more.
Secret Turmoil of Emotions
Narcissists infamously battle their emotions.
Imagine not knowing how to handle true happiness, or intimacy?
They don’t know how to handle a lot, and that’s why they leave so many of their victims high and dry – even ghosting – just to get away from the reality of what is before them.
If a narcissist is getting too deep in the feels, they will change and shift the way they treat you so that they don’t appear to be vulnerable. After all – vulnerability is a weakness – and they can’t have that!
So, how can you start to uncover the secrets of a narcissist?
Uncovering Their Secrets in Two Stages
It doesn’t seem like many, but if you can master them, you can achieve what I like to call the dimension of knowledge.
Isn’t that a place you want to visit, and stay?
#1 Patterns Reveal All
Unmasking a narcissist is impossible until you’ve spent enough time with them to notice their patterns of behavior.
It’s a sickening thought, I know. I wouldn’t usually advise anybody to spend more time with a narcissist unless it was for something as useful to you as this.
All narcissists operate similarly, but they use different people in their game play.
For you and your own situation, there will be friends, family, coworkers, ex partners, maybe even kids.
It’s down to you to step back and watch the picture form itself. Notice where the narcissist goes when they’re bored, or happy, or angry.
Who do they ignore? Who do they lean on? Who do they discard or pay little attention to? It’s a little bit like those nature shows, where you set up a camera in your backyard and wait for all the badgers and foxes to come out at night.
Except you’re the camera, and you’re on snake watch.
Any patterns that come back to you will reveal exactly what the narcissist does in certain times, and how they benefit from those around him.
#2 What Other Signs Do You Spot?
What about you?
How is the narcissist with you?
Do you notice they go missing certain times of the day, days of the week, or weeks of the month?
What’s their excuse? How much information do they give you when they say they’re going out?
Does their phone have a password that you are banned from knowing? Do they have a secret phone?
You can ask yourself many questions, and dig for the answers for.
There’s no blame on you for trying to uncover the truth about a narcissist and their secret life.
This is where time with them will help you. Over that time, you’ll learn the kinds of tricks they play on you that you initially thought were acts of sincerity.
I’m not promising it’ll be fun, but if it’s the upper hand you’re looking for – this is where you need to hunt!
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What Do Narcissists Fear the Most?
The 20 Biggest Fears Of Narcissists
They don’t look like they fear anything, do they?
Narcissists really do walk around acting as if they are perfect. If you were to ask them what they’re scared of, they’d laugh in your face and tell you to move out of their way.
Well, I’m here to tell you the truth.
Narcissists are petrified of more than you have ever known…
…Until now.
Here, I unlock the 20 biggest fears of narcissists, so you don’t need to embarrass them by asking them what they’re scared of ever again.
When The Narcissist Can’t Sleep At Night
Tick, tock, tick, tock,
3am?!
What’s keeping the narcissist up at night?
It’s likely to be thinking about their fears, as believe it or not, they cross their minds from time to time.
Those fears remain buried under the guise of the charmer – the person everybody sees when they initially speak to the narcissist.
Well, I’ve got my shovel, and I am about to dig each fear up.
#1 It’s Expose Time!
Imagine the look of terror on the narcissist’s face when you expose them. It’ll be brief, sure. If you blink, you miss it.
Because soon enough – that fear will convert into rage – an emotion you’re probably much more familiar with when you think about the narcissist in your life.
Before that rage, that fear will be evident. The idea of you telling everybody the true character of the narcissist fills them with an impalpable dread.
It all starts to crumble.
They’ve nowhere to hide, and they cannot fool everybody anymore. At least some people will believe you, and that’s all you’d need to expose them fully.
So yes – it keeps the narcissist up at night to think you could do such a thing, knowing as soon you do so, their power diminishes.
#2 Control: Officially Lost
Get ready for the narcissist’s foundation to shake, rattle and roll.
Losing control is last on their list of ideals, but it’s a stark possibility when the victim turns to victor.
Seeing through the narcissism to a person who, underneath it all, is just a small-minded, afraid nobody, makes them more worried than you could imagine.
If that control goes – what do they have?!
#3 The Truth is Feared
What is the truth?
We all know, don’t we?
We’re dealing with a person, or several people if you’re really unlucky, who aren’t who they say they are.
There is a truth behind the lies, and behind that is the ongoing fear from the narcissist that their lies will be exposed.
Believe me when I say that the narcissist will do what it takes to silence their victims, but that doesn’t mean the truth will never prevail.
#4 The Ordinary
Ordinary means what to you? For me, it’s just an average day, with nothing standing out. No one big moment.
Narcissists hate not standing out. They always want to be the center of attention, and if they’re seen as normal, or ordinary, that will be the biggest threat – and fear – to their grandiose personality.
#5 Being Alone
Imagine having nobody to manipulate. When they need to suck the life out of another – there’s not a soul available.
Narcissists need people around not just to do this with, but also, those people are needed to influence.
The absence of others is the absence of validation and supply, and without a push from others for attention, the narcissist won’t fully know how to function.
They fear being alone for that very reason.
#6 Bye Bye, Attention
Invisibility is the true enemy of the narcissist. They need to be the honey, while the bees buzz around them constantly.
Without that noise, there is silence.
And in silence, there will be zero attention.
#7 Others… Happy… Really?
No single soul on the planet has the right to be happy (according to the narcissist). If you’re so happy, what could you possibly be so happy about?
How dare you!
Your smile is enough to have it wiped right off your face, and the narcissist is going to love doing so.
Passing judgment. Criticizing you. Bringing you down. Triggering you. Disappointing you. Giving you the silent treatment and yelling at you. Whatever it takes. Why?
Simple! They fear that your happiness will create this brand new version of you that will tolerate the narcissist just that little bit less.
#8 How Victims Self-Love
Listen, if you’re loving yourself, then you are loving the narcissist less. It’s great for you – and that’s exactly why it isn’t good for them.
The fear that comes from you loving yourself is that you will decide you’re too good for them – and leave.
#9 Financial Independence
You’ve got your money sorted, you earn a large buck or two, and there’s nothing they can do about it.
Seeing you take care of your finances so well, there’s little to no chance of them taking it all away from you – leaving you dependent on them.
Big fear!
#10 “So What?”
Ah, so you’re indifferent, are you?
That’s a big ache in the gut for the narcissist, who thrives on your reactions. If you don’t have any ones to give, consider yourself immune to the narcissist…
…New narcissist fear unlocked!
#11 Brave Enough To Be Accountable
Accountability is a huge fear of the narcissist, who usually ensures that what they’re doing will never be found out.
They don’t want to own up to any wrongdoing – so you can safely tick this as a huge fear of theirs.
#12 Losing to Legality
If you want to really send shivers down the narcissist’s spine – threaten them with legal action.
It’s the epitome of doing wrong for all to see as well – which only adds to their nightmare!
#13 New Victims: Gone
Just when they thought they had a good victim in you – you up and leave.
Their plans turn to dust, and they become vulnerable all over again, with no supply!
#14 Strong? Good!
Your strength kills narcissists. It acts as such a strong repellent that you would be hard pushed to see any narcissist stick around.
They’re scared of you! What narcissist wants to admit that they’re scared of somebody?!
#15 Being Alone
You can forgive babies for not wanting to be alone – but grown adults? This isn’t about normal loneliness that can really affect people – this is the fear of having no life to suck out of anybody.
#16 Mirror Mirror On The Wall
Don’t look into it if you’re a narcissist, because we all know – including you – that you are not the fairest of them all!
The biggest fear of a narcissist is doing so, and seeing that ugliness stare back at them.
#17 “No Thanks, Bye”
Rejection.
Ouch.
A narcissist experienced enough of this as a child, and it is a huge trigger for them; a reminder that they aren’t good enough for somebody.
#18 Criticism
What do you mean they aren’t perfect?
You cannot tell a narcissist that they have faults! That’s their job to make you feel shitty – not the other way around!
#19 Partners In The Know
Knowing who the narcissist really is means the power shifts from them, to you.
What does that mean for you? Well, you’re likely to be a person who wants to do bad with their power, but it does mean you no longer get played by them.
They fear this – they fear you having an education in narcissism. You have the power to expose and all them out.
A powerless narcissist is not a happy narcissist.
#20 Getting Over: Moving On
If you’ve gotten over a narcissist and moved on – you’ve done what they thought you’d never do.
Always expecting you to be around to use and abuse, you’ve finally made your way out of it.
While that’s a moment for real pride, it’s a moment of fear for them.
What do they do now?
