Trust Their Actions, Not Their Words

Before we get started, I’ve got some great news to share with you all.

I won the lottery last week.

$3,600,000.

I know. I am so thrilled. My family and I are going on our dream vacation to celebrate…

…Okay fine. I didn’t win a cent.

But hey, words are words, right? Did you believe me, just for a moment?

Just like the world of narcissists.

They say what you want to hear. They do what they want. Period.

It’s up to you to learn the difference between actions and words and trust the former!

Breaking Down the Narcissist

Narcissists are famous for saying one thing and doing quite the other. It’s whatever fits into the narrative of what they want. 

They don’t remember half what they say because they will say what they feel is appropriate at the time without thinking about it later. 

When it comes to breaking down the narcissist, it’s about understanding their need to say what you want to hear, but act in a way that hurts and disappoints you. 

It’s meant to confuse you because it’s meant to all be part of their cycle of abuse. 

Narcissists can’t bear to be in your truth because it’s too vulnerable for them.

So they create their own, while maintaining words you want to hear. 

They can also say hurtful things about you, in the hope you believe them about yourself. 

Those things are equally untrue because you’re a good person. Unfortunately, that’s where people start to believe and fall into the trap of lowering their self-esteem because the narcissist is so convincing. 

There are actions, and there are words

If there’s one message I want you to take home from this piece, it’s this:

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Believe the narcissist when they do what they do, not when they say what they say. 

The words that come from a narcissist are sent to destroy you. They are spoken aloud to quieten you

If you’re too nice, they will make you believe you aren’t. 

If you are made promises that you want to hear, you’ll be pacified. 

They’re just words.

Believe the actions.

Let’s break both of those down for you, right now. 

Actions?

#1 Rude to Others

Narcissists are rude to other people, but they pick and choose their battles. If it suits them to be kind, they will be kind. If you don’t mean anything to them, they won’t hesitate to crush you down like a piece of garlic. 

They can be rude, to the point, and just plain mean to other people, including you. They do it, however, in subtle ways or in more overt ways if they know nobody is watching. 

#2 Overly Friendly to People

Narcissists on the other hand, can be extremely charming. Over-friendliness is an act of manipulation. 

They do it because they want to be liked. They want their image to be upheld, and they know the nicer they are, the more people will think ‘what a lovely person they are.’ 

#3 Underhand in Organizing 

Narcissists will organize things away from you that you won’t be happy about. Trips away, events here and there, or anything to get a reaction from you. 

If it means they get to awaken a little drama and conflict, the narcissist will do it, without question.

#4 Ignoring You/Silent Treatment

The actions of a narcissist can spill into the way they give you the silent treatment, effectively making you feel like you don’t exist. 

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The silent treatment is a way to get you to pay attention to them. They draw you in by making you feel anxious about why they remain so quiet.

They make you feel like you’ve constantly done something wrong, even though you haven’t. 

#5 Feigning Illness

When narcissists fake being ill, it’s for a reason. Either you’ve got too much attention lately, and they want some for their own – or they want to remind people that they’re still there.

Illness isn’t something to fake – so trust in this action – and know that it leads to a narcissistic personality. 

Words?

“After All I’ve Done For You!”

Have a think about what that truly means. It’s a popular saying for narcissists. When they feel you’ve not appreciated them for a split second, they want you to remember all the things they’ve done for you. 

If you break that phrase down, what does it actually mean

The narcissist actually has probably done a great deal for you, but none of it is going to be positive. 

Don’t buy the guilt. Don’t believe the shame you’re supposed to feel.

“It’s Nothing to Do With Me…”

This is another common sentence that will pop out of the narcissist’s mouth, but again – you know it has everything to do with them.

A narcissist will plant the bomb, detonate it, and walk away looking confused when you point the finger at them.

What? Are you joking? I had nothing to do with it!

Incorrect. Take a look at what’s happened. It has their name all over it. Trust that, and not what they say. 

“You Need My Help”

At times, a narcissist likes to gain control by provoking you into believing you need them. They have all the answers, and you are at their mercy. You’ve no choice but to ask for help. 

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Then they come along, take over, do all the things you didn’t want them to do, and then blame you for not appreciating their efforts. 

Knowing they will use their offer against you then should stop you from accepting it now.

“Nobody Else Will Want You”

These words cut deep, and they are said all too frequently for my liking. 

Narcissists aren’t telling the truth when they say this, but they say it to make you feel like you are stuck with them. It’s as if they’re doing you a favor by remaining with you, even though you’re totally unlovable. 

It’s not true. Look for the actions behind these words, and see how the narcissist is really treating you to know that they’re making it up.

It’s all manipulation. 

And it’s horrible. 

“I Love You”

Love?

What is love, really?

Love isn’t abuse. It isn’t going silent on somebody just to get attention. Love isn’t telling somebody how terrible they are at everything or pitting them against others. Love doesn’t start wars, and it doesn’t crave drama.

Love is peace. It’s safety and respect. It doesn’t need conflict because it is the cure. 

Narcissists cannot love you and treat you the way they do simultaneously. 

As much as you want it to be love, and as charming as they can appear – none of it is love. 

“I Love You” is a way of faking in the future. The narcissist wants you to believe they want you, to keep you around that little bit longer.

It works, until it doesn’t. 

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