Top replies from narcissists whenever you ask them a question 

Interactions with a narcissist typically don’t go as expected. Their manipulative tactics and abusive games taint every interaction.

Asking them a question is no different. You likely won’t get a straightforward answer, and you’ll be no closer to arriving at an understanding.

Narcissists like to keep you on your toes, in a state of constant confusion. This makes it easier for them to have their way with you.

Based upon this fact, you can expect some pretty unconventional answers to your questions.

How they answer questions

The exact answer you get from a narcissist may depend on the specific question you ask. However, you can expect their answer to be lacking, or at least confusing.

When you ask a question, it will likely fall into one of the categories below.

Responding with another question

You ask the narcissist where they’ve been all night, expecting them to give an honest answer. Instead, they hit you with another question in return.

“Why are you so nosey?”

“Where were you all night?”

“Why are you so concerned about me, when you have yourself to worry about?”

The narcissist knows exactly what they’re doing. They refuse to answer the question, because they don’t want you to know where they were. You’re not entitled to that information.

They are, however, entitled to do whatever they like, including confusing and frustrating you with their response. They hope that you’ll become so frustrated that you explode on them, and they can accuse you of being a loose cannon. 

Changing the subject

If the narcissist doesn’t want to answer your question, they’ll simply change the subject. They will act as if you didn’t ask a question at all. 

After you fire off your question, they’ll respond with something entirely unrelated.

“There was a big story on the front page of the news this morning.”

“I feel like you haven’t talked to your mom in a while. It’s probably time to give her a call.” 

“It looks like they’re expecting some crazy weather this weekend.”

Regardless of their exact response, the point is they’ll do whatever they can to change to a different topic of discussion. 

Making you feel like you’re crazy

Another one of the narcissist’s top replies to a question is some sort of response that makes you feel crazy for even asking.

“Why would you ever need to know such a thing?”

“That’s a ridiculous thing to ask me!”

“You can’t be serious right now!” 

This is evidence of a key narcissistic tactic called gaslighting. The narcissist wants you to believe that you’re out of line for having the audacity to question them.

They hope that you’ll learn from this experience, and refrain from asking such questions in the future. 

Giving snippets of truth 

If the narcissist gives you some semblance of an answer to your question, it will be incomplete and full of half-truths.

Maybe you ask why they stayed out so late last night, and they respond, “You know I needed some time to socialize.”

They’ve given a vague response, only telling half of the truth. They won’t give the details of who they were with, or what they were doing.

They want you to accept this snippet of truth and move on. 

Offering some form of flattery 

The narcissist might decide that the best way to respond to your question is to use their charm to get you to forget why you were questioning them in the first place.

Their response will sound like,

“Darling, why are you worrying your pretty little head with such things?” 

“You know I don’t expect you to trouble yourself with such matters.”

“It’s too beautiful of a day for you to be wasting your time with things that don’t matter.” 

This method may be seemingly kinder than their usual response, but their goal is the same: get you to move on. 

Jumping into denial

If the narcissist interprets your question as some sort of accusation, they’ll jump straight to denial.

Perhaps you ask a question about a deduction taken from your checking account, and they assume you’re accusing them of taking your money.

They’ll have one of these responses:

I’d never take money without asking!

I didn’t spend any of your money!

I had nothing to do with the deduction from your bank account!

They know they’ve been caught, but rather than answering honestly about where the money went, they’ll deny having had any part in it. 

Dismissing you 

Regardless of the exact question, narcissists are known for being dismissive. Rather than answer your question, they might ignore you altogether, dismissing you.

If they don’t choose to totally ignore you, they’ll dismiss you with their words. They might say something like, “I don’t have time for your games today.”

Or they say, “You always insist on questioning my every move. I’m not doing this with you today. 

They want to be sure that you feel foolish for even asking them a question. This allows them to be in control and assert their dominance over you. 

Shifting the blame elsewhere

Perhaps you get lucky, and the narcissist does actually answer your question. If their answer has anything to do with them having done something wrong, they’ll quickly shift the blame.

It goes something like this:

Yes, I spent money from your account, but it’s only because my boss failed to pay me on time, and I had no other choice.” 

“You’re right, I was out with other women at the club last night, but you just haven’t been giving me the attention I need.”

“No, I didn’t finish the job I promised I’d do. You’ve been harping on me so much, I just didn’t have the energy!”

Answering this way takes the accountability off the narcissist, and shifts the blame onto another target. This protects their fragile egos from feeling any shame related to their answer. 

Things to keep in mind

Narcissists don’t like to be questioned. They want you to simply go along with their demands, never stopping to ask them about their behavior.

The narcissist’s sense of entitlement leads them to believe that they should have their way with you, and you should simply comply.

So, when you ask a question, the narcissist has the following goals in mind.

Avoiding accountability

The narcissist simply cannot take accountability for their wrongdoings. Their fragile egos will not allow them to do so. 

Therefore, they will answer questions in ways that allow them to deflect blame onto others or change the topic of conversation altogether. 

Manipulating you 

You’re simply a pawn in the narcissist’s game, and they need to maintain control over you. Any response they give is intended to manipulate you into giving them their way and letting them off the hook.

This means they will try to make you feel guilty for asking the question or convince you that you’re crazy or foolish for even bringing it up. 

Exploiting you

Finally, narcissists exploit you so they can take what they need from you. Their reply may involve playing on your emotions in some way so they can continue to get what they want from you.

The bottom line is that narcissists are, by nature, manipulative and invalidating. When you ask a question, they’ll likely dismiss you. Don’t expect a straightforward answer. It’s just not in their character. 

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