Accusations – don’t you just love them?
You’re busy minding your own business, and an accusation hurtles through the air and lands at your feet.
Who is responsible?
The narcissist! – Who else?!
They’re happy as long as the blame doesn’t land at their feet.
If you want to know one thing, it’s that there are standard accusations that narcissists use.
They bring you down and create a feeling within you that leads to shame, self-blame, and guilt.
I’m definitely not alone when I actively say I want to fight against that.
Who’s with me?
Here are the top 15 accusations from narcissists, to keep you a step ahead.
Why Narcissists Love to Accuse
“When my father and I stopped talking, it was because I had suddenly had enough of being treated so badly.
His bad behavior, endless streams of insults, attacks of my personality, skills, abilities, choices and appearance became too much for me.
My son was 4 at the time, and I already could see the patterns forming, and how ill my dad was treating him. I knew enough was enough, so I cut contact.
Since then, my dad hasn’t once tried to contact me. He hasn’t wanted to see my son but has done other things.
He’s told all his side of the family what a terrible person I am keeping him from his grandson. He has been telling them how horrible I am, and how abusive I am to him.
There are family members who believe him, and for that I have been totally ripped apart.
It’s been very difficult, and I struggle some days to come to terms with the fact that I’ve been painted as the bad person in all of this. But, I suppose it gets him off the hook. To most people, he’s now the victim, and I am the one who is toxic.
I used to try and defend myself, but now I just think if people want to be in my life and understand me, they will take the time to do so.”
This is a true account from somebody who was willing to share their story with you, and I could think of at least a dozen more similar from people I’ve worked with.
Do you see why narcissists accuse other people?
It should be outlawed, but instead, they’re left to get away with it each and every day.
If you were to crack the perfect image the narcissist is trying hard to maintain, you’re going to be the one who eventually suffers as a result.
They do not want to come across as spiteful, hateful people – even though they feel this on the inside deep down underneath it all.
Listen for These 5 Accusations…
#1 You’re So Dramatic!
We will need Alanis Morrisette for this one, because the ‘ironic’ scale is completely maxed out.
There is no way that you’re the dramatic one. You’re not the one who causes all the arguments, but that’s not what you’ll be led to believe.
There shouldn’t be a part of you that absorbs this kind of accusation. You know what it’s designed to do? It’s designed to keep you down. Quiet. Obedient. Agreeable.
None of which will work in your favor, but strangely enough, they work in favor of the narcissist.
Strange that… isn’t it?
#2 You Are Hypersensitive!
From the view of the narcissist, your sensitivity is a bad thing. Yet it seems to be the main thing that attracts them to you, doesn’t it?
So how can something so attractive be so terrible? It’s because when your sensitivity causes a problem for them, they will treat it as such.
When it’s something they can manipulate, they will love doing so. I’ll give you an example.
Pete met Louise five years ago. Louise was a model and used her looks to get any man she wanted. When Pete met her in a bar in the city, he fell immediately. He was hooked by her smile, the way she walked, and her energy.
Loiuise frequently worked abroad on various shoots with other models, sometimes male. She would brag on social media about who she was spending time with, and after work, the models would all go out together.
Pete would call to see how she was, but Louise regularly ignored his calls and texts. Eventually, Pete asked Louise if she still loved him, because he felt neglected.
Louise threw a huge tantrum, calling him hypersensitive to her work schedule, and untrusting. She made Pete the one with the problem and pushed that narrative onto him.
Eventually, Louise told Pete he had to ‘toughen up and accept her job, or she would leave.’ Pete didn’t see what he had said or done wrong, but instead of changing her behavior, Pete was told to be tougher and more accepting of her inability to communicate.
Eventually, Pete ended the relationship.
Like Pete, you have to understand that your hypersensitivity is not the problem.
#3 Do You Know How Difficult You Are?
No. Well, at least, you shouldn’t.
Because you aren’t.
Being difficult to the narcissist looks like you:
- Saying no when they’re used to hearing yes
- Being unavailable to answer your phone if you’re busy
- Not being willing to defend the narcissist when they need you to
- Choosing to stand up to the narcissist when they accuse you of something else initially
You have to learn that your determination to stand up for yourself or what’s morally right isn’t difficult, nor should it be viewed that way.
You’re only difficult to them when you aren’t complying.
#4 You’re Absolutely Unhinged
Crazy! Insane! Off the chart! Mentally loose!
No. You aren’t. The narcissist tries to shine a light on you if you act marginally out of character, and it’s because they aren’t used to seeing that side of you.
They are taken aback when they witness you acting with a newly found toughness. What is the intent here?
The intent is to dumb you down and make you small, so that you get in line and do as you’re told.
That’s where they like you the most.
#5 You Get So Jealous!
Are you asking the narcissist for an explanation? Are you asking them why they are home late for the fifth time that week?
For them, it will only point in one direction – you must be jealous!
They want to be reminded how amazing they are and how your jealousy means they’re better than everybody else. They love it, and they feel smug.
For you – you’re not jealous. You’re fed up. You’re tired. You’re mentally and physically trapped in a relationship that makes you unhappy ,and you’re being treated with disrespect…
…And there’s a huge difference.
