You meet a person so charming that you can literally feel being swept off your feet, or hypnotized by their wit, gesture and grace.
It’s a perfect act and an act that I can safely say deserves a Golden Globe.
As soon as you feel that charm being placed upon you, I want you to know that you are officially the narcissist’s next victim.
It might not feel like it right away. After all, you’re feeling great, loved, listened to, wanted…
… It won’t last.
What they really want from you is where it all takes a deep, dark twist…
Do You See Yourself As A Victim?
Most won’t until they realize what a mess of their lives narcissists make.
Even then, some people don’t like the term ‘victim,’ as it has less powerful connotations than what they’d like to be described.
Ultimately, in toxic relationships, there will always be a victim, and there will always be an abuser.
This means the narcissist in your life has you in theirs because they want something from you. You serve some kind of purpose to them, and nothing more.
What Makes A Victim
Do you struggle to set boundaries? Are you always putting others before you?
Do you just want to see everybody else happy, no matter how sad you are? Are you agreeable? Do you find charm to be a romantic trait? Do you overshare your history and problems?
None of these characteristics make you weak at all, they’re how you’ve evolved to be due to whatever past yours looks like.
But victims will typically have one or more of the above going for them, and that is more valuable than gold for the narcissist.
And they will hunt you out pretty quickly.
The Desire Of The Narcissist
When a narcissist sees something they want, they rarely step down and allow it to pass them by.
If that looks like the opportunity to get what they want from you, their determination will be the very thing that puts you in a problematic place – and them a very, very happy narcissist!
“What Do You Want From Me?”
Nobody is going to ask the narcissist this question when they first meet – heck – the notion that they are even slightly narcissistic won’t even come into play!
Instead, victims give the narcissist what they really want…
Information
Information is a constant need for the narcissist, but I will work through what it means from start to finish.
When you first meet, the information needed is extreme. They want to get to know you fast.
What are you afraid of?
What are your triggers?
What scares you the absolute most?
What was your childhood like?
Did you have many friends?
What do you like to do for fun?
Do you have hobbies?
Anything they can learn about you, they will. And what they do with that information is store it to never be forgotten.
As long as you are feeding it to them, they are building strong weapons to use against you at a later time.
They can’t get to you if they don’t know how to.
Over time, information may change. It can start to include where you’re going, who you’re going with.
What your password to your phone is, and why you are suddenly wanting to sign up to the gym.
They want to know who you work with, and what route you take. Don’t be surprised if they want you both to have a tracker app on your phone that tells you where the other person is at all times.
And be even less surprised if they never have theirs on.
Think about agencies like the police, or the FBI. Without information, their job is largely useless.
They need locations, people, descriptions, back histories, contact information. They can’t do their job properly and solve a case without collating it all and gaining control of it.
Narcissists work similarly. They cannot gain proper control without information from you.
Knowing everything they need to know, they can start to pull strings, or work out a dynamic, or frame the scene to work in their favor.
It’s a twisted game, but this kind of information – including your weaknesses – will help them remain dominant.
Now, let’s dive into supply, and what that entails.
Sweet Supply
To the narcissist, your supply is so sweet. It’s the best thing ever – the nectar of the soul. They extract it like it’s the syrup from a maple tree, tapping you until you give them what they need…
…To your detriment.
And over time, you know how it goes. The word supply overs all manner of sins, but taking that supply can look like:
Money
If you have it, they will want it. At the very least, they want to be a part of how you spend it, and feel they have a say in how that goes.
Compliments
If they know you’re the first one to notice something different about them, they will love the expectation of what you tell them.
“You look amazing” “I love your new car!”
“You must be so proud of yourself for getting that promotion!”
All the Ego-boosting ways you can lift them, they will remember. So you will be first on their list the next time they need it.
Intimacy
You’re the one who satisfies them, and they know it’s the best (for now) that they can find.
The love or emotional intimacy behind Intimacy won’t exist, and that’s what you’re likely to miss.
But hey, this isn’t about you – you’re the giver, not the taker!
Satisfaction
Emotions can take a darker twist when the narcissist gets off on seeing you upset, fearful, or even crying.
They build the scenario up, line you up with it, and watch you crumble.
They genuinely love to see you upset, and the reason is because something about your sadness resonates with their inner sadness.
They feel better when other people feel how they feel deep down.
Control
No narcissist on this planet hates being in control. It’s where they always want to be every day – on top of the food chain.
They pull the strings, and ensure everybody runs around after them. “You’re the only one I can rely on.”
Imagine what this kind of phrase does to a person whose sole intent is to feel as though they have a purpose.
It will make them hang onto every word, and at the fall of this phrase, they will have been signed up to this dynamic by the narcissist. Very insidious, don’t you think?
