They see you, they like you, they want you, they get you.
To make it official, as quickly as possible they will whack a ring on your finger and tell you that you are their happy ever after.
Narcissists can not wait to marry you. For you, it’ll seem like all your dreams have come true at once. You have never met anybody so amazing.
But hold your horses and place a pause on those table centerpieces because I have some news for you.
All is not as it seems. This is why.
#1 They see you, they want you
Although narcissists aren’t known for falling in love, they are brilliant at expressing love in a very fast way. They spot you and make some quick assessments.
Is this person keen to be loved?
Do they seem hurt by their past?
Do they love the attention that I’m giving them?
Are they giving off people-pleasing vibes?
Are they encapsulated by my presence?
If the narcissist can answer all those questions with a resounding yes, then they will put over their half of everything as love itself.
They push romance and in return they want to see you offer them stability, loyalty and devotion.
Narcissists want a kind person who is capable of committing for the long term, and once all those boxes are ticked, they want to secure it…
…Secure you.
Fast.
#2 For you, it’s the perfect love story
The magic will feel palpable. Sure, it’s intense, but the narcissist just seems to know you.
You feel especially chosen to be with them, and it’s the kind of luck that doesn’t happen to you very often.
It’s great to be adored, and you feel like it was all meant to be; like it’s fate.
The love story that you’ve always wanted is seemingly being handed to you on a silver platter, and you grab it with both hands, blissfully unaware of the future that lies before you.
#3 All you ever wanted, coming true
All you’ve ever wanted was to be happy, and that’s down to the fact that you didn’t have that happiness growing up, and in your past partnerships.
You’ve burned too many times, and people have taken advantage of you.
You may have been neglected as a child, which is why you attach yourself to any kind of affection in adult life.
The narcissist acts more like the most perfect person on the planet. They mirror everything you feel, say or do.
It’s like one person in two bodies, and you love hearing them talk so genuinely and in detail about your future plans.
They can’t wait to marry you, and before long, the two of you are celebrating your union, and beginning a new chapter as husband and wife.
#4 After “I Do”
Once you both say I do, everything changes. Not all at once, but in subtle, yet consistent ways.
It feels real, and suddenly, the person you met and married are not one and the same.
They start making less effort, they have very little patience, and their expectations become higher than ever.
The narcissist is entitled now. They’ve got you, and as far as they’re concerned, the hard work is done, and you are contractually committed.
Now they want all of your time, your energy, and the emotional work that goes into sustaining a high maintenance relationship.
For them, they’re married to you, so they own you.
#5 Portraying the perfect image
A narcissist will marry you this fast for reasons that may never have even crossed your mind.
They want to look credible. Marrying you makes the narcissist look as though they are a good, upstanding person of society.
They appear lovable and stable; if you are with them then they must be a good person.
You become part of their brand. A narcissist wants you at all the important events in their life.
They want you in their photos, smiling and hanging onto their arm like a spare part. If you’re there, they look good; trustworthy and settled in their lives.
Narcissists look like they love love. It’s no secret that a narcissist can’t fully love another in the normal ways you’d expect, but marrying tricks others into believing they can.
It appeals to a vulnerable side of the narcissist that actually doesn’t exist, and proves to the outside world that they have a soft, endearing side that may not be obvious, but is indeed, present.
The perfect image is imperative to the narcissist. How they reflect out to others is important to them in maintaining a strong sense of character.
Marrying you quickly will help catapult that image working wonders for them.
#6 You are a pawn in their game
That’s what all of this is about, isn’t it? You were never meant to be a person who they respect and care for.
You were just somebody who they feel works in their favor. You are a part of the game that is crucial, yet they can replace you whenever they want.
The narcissist moves you around on their game of life to suit them, without considering your needs or what you might want from a relationship.
It’s clear what your role is, and how you were invited into their life to be nothing more than a protector of their image, and to support them.
This is all so one-sided, and as control sets in, you quietly yet gradually become a shell of who you once were.
You play a game you never agreed to be a part of.
#7 Why it was never love
When you unpack what’s going on, it’s easy to see why it was never love.
The narcissist wanted to marry you to make themselves look better, but all that did was leave you feeling confused and very alone.
They don’t reciprocate those real feelings you carried with you into the marriage.
Your intentions to be there no matter what have been overshadowed by their control and disinterest in your wellbeing.
Marriage hasn’t deepened the narcissist’s love for you, it has instead ended the chase of getting you in the first place.
You’re there not, with a ring on, and that’s enough for them to exhale loudly and let the true, toxic games commence.
#8 Losing your identity
I know how much it can hurt to lose your identity. The person you once knew, you wouldn’t recognize if they came over and shouted in your face.
You fade, and with that comes no encouragement by the narcissist to find yourself again.
Your needs and opinions are left stranded at sea, and your sense of self becomes nothing.
This isn’t marriage, but this is precisely what the narcissist set out to achieve.
They’ve got you right there they want you, and the speed of the wedding and inevitable exchange of vows didn’t give you enough time to think about whether or not you were doing the right thing.
You didn’t have that ime because you were swept up in the love story and assumed happy ending.
That’s not your fault, this is just what narcissists do.
