The cruelest thing I could do is just give you one scenario here. The truth is, there are several main moments you’ll start to realize how much the narcissist misses you.
Have you ever noticed when they try to either crawl back or discard you entirely?
That hot/cold tap forever runs at a contrast for a reason – to keep you feeling uncomfortable and anxious.
I say let them miss you, but at least know why they do.
Missing You?
It seems crazy to think about a narcissist missing anybody, or anything, doesn’t it?
I don’t want you to start making mistakes here. It’s easy to do when you. I know you’ll associate the term ‘missing you’ with having to leave somebody you love for a period of time.
Maybe your son or daughter goes on their first trip away. Or they head for college. Your friend moves to another city for work, and you don’t see them as often.
You miss them, and they miss you. And it’s wonderful when you reunite because you can catch up on lost time together.
Narcissists aren’t the traditional ‘miss you’ kinds of people.
They miss you for reasons that are detrimental to them.
You’re no longer there.
You no longer give them something they need.
And that’s not only a dent to their pride, but a real dent to their image.
When Their Supply Runs Dry
First up, we do have that all important supply.
Often talked about and simply put, supply is whatever you consciously or subconsciously hand over to the narcissist that otherwise would belong to you.
Your spirit.
Your patience.
Your tears.
Your begging.
Your anxiety.
Your depression.
Your low self-esteem.
Your lack of confidence.
Your isolative persona.
Your reactions.
Your lack of boundaries.
If all of these suddenly dry up, the narcissist is going to find themselves in a desert of desperation, wanting everything to go back to normal.
They will miss you only in the sense that they miss the times you gave them what served them, because simultaneously that would erode a part of you.
When you stop your supply, you stop fuelling them. Soon enough, the narcissist ends up in the trickiest sport imaginable for them.
They’re weak, and they have nothing to pump into their ego because they can’t produce it themselves.
When You Start Glowing Without Them
The glow up, am I right?
If you’re familiar with narcissistic abuse, you will either be post or pre glow up.
It can take a while to get to the point where you feel confident enough in yourself to start being you again, and that glow up can often start on the inside before it reaches the outer layer.
I will tell you, though. Glowing up is the best part of healing. Glowing up means you’ve learned your worth all over again, and you’re fighting for yourself. Fighting for what you stand for, who you are, and what matters to you.
When you can do that without the narcissist’s approval or attention, you’re winning.
When they see you glowing up in ways only you produced, they will realize that you no longer need them – a thing they’re going to immediately miss about you.
It took all that work to get there, the last thing you want to do is dull back down the second the narcissist tries to get back in touch with you.
Let them miss you.
That’s their problem, not yours.
When They Realize You’ve Moved On for Real
I want to throw a little party everytime I hear of somebody who has moved on from a narcissist and entered into a healthy, regulated relationship.
I will even throw a party if they have moved on but chosen to remain single and build their friendship and hobby circles.
If you’ve stepped away from a narcissist for good – I applaud you.
The narcissist however, will not be applauding you. In fact, the second they know you’ve moved on for good is when they miss you the most.
The experience of being able to manipulate or control you has subsided, faded, and disappeared entirely. Now what?
They have nothing, and that empty void is extremely unsettling for them.
Your happiness is a death sentence to their ego as you walk away and take your supply with you.
Isn’t it time you got the positivity you deserve? I’d say you’re overdue.
Let them miss you.
Your Peace Is Their Panic
Peace can occur in or out of a relationship with a narcissist, and I want to show you what that can look like.
Before anybody breaks up with a narcissist, they reach the point where they can no longer see themselves in that dynamic.
They’ve grown and realized what a mess it actually is.
They come wise. They awaken to the abuse. They shift from victim to victor.
The narcissist will miss you, not that they will admit it. You begin to grow, even though they’re still trying to drag you down.
These cruel tactics no longer work, and now you’re beginning to fly the nest of toxicity in search for a better life.
You feel at peace. You no longer react to their games, and any triggers they try to throw your way are met with indifference. Your shield is more powerful than their weapons.
At least!
You feel free! And that invokes a certain panic within the narcissists – who is desperate to try to claw their way back into your fears and worries.
When Their New Supply Doesn’t Measure Up
The grass is always greener, right? Latching onto a new form of supply sounds good at the time, but after a while, they realize it’s not quite the same without you.
The new supply isn’t as emotionally responsive. They aren’t as attached as you were. They aren’t as forgiving, and they don’t seem to fall for the gaslighting as much as you did.
It’s just not as powerful, and not the same.
So when the narcissist puts the two of you side by side in their minds, the new supply just doesn’t measure up to the person you are.
The highs aren’t as high. The lows aren’t as low.
It’s just not the same, and you will be missed.
But this is the part where I tune bak into you, because it’s about to get pretty real here.
Missing you does not mean the narcissist loves you and wants you back. It certainly isn’t your permission to run back into their arms and grant them the inner peace they need at having you back.
You were only good for one thing – to be their supply. Anything else is just your imagination, or what they’re trying to trick you into thinking.
That’s how narcissism works, and it’s a dangerous game of push and pull that you are never going to win.
Let the way the narcissist treats you speak the volumes that you’re trying to tune into.
And if you want to really find love, you need to look outside the toxic game playing that narcissists throw at their victims.
