Tick tock, tick tock. It’s a matter of time before the narcissist realizes you’re onto them.
Eventually, in your worried world of trying to people please, there will be that moment where everything falls into place.
You understand them for who they are, and your eyes officially become open to the abuse.
But, as many ask, then what? What comes next? You’d be right to ask. There has to be an ending to all of this.
I’ve got that ending right here for you.
The time has come!
This is the kind of time I think you’ll agree is a totally different moment in the blip that is your life for you, than it is the narcissist.
For you, there’s clarity. You feel a sense of freedom in awakening to who the narcissist is, and you see them for who they are.
All that damage that’s been caused – you now have a person to blame. And they were right there all along.
You feel happy, even proud of yourself for finally seeing the situation for real, rather than being force fed excuses that steer you away from the narcissist as the one to blame.
So, that blame that’s been thrust upon you. Let’s go there, because that blame is where the narcissist is having a totally different time to you. Instead of feeling happy, they’re panicking.
They’re enraged that you’ve discovered their games and manipulation, and initially, they don’t know what to do.
They never planned for this to happen, but since it has, they’re now stuck in a very problematic place.
You develop a sense
That’s where it all started, right? The sense that something just wasn’t right.
Conversations weren’t adding up, and your feelings were beginning to pick up on an air of thickness around the narcissist.
They were fighting you, but you were not seeing any reason for it. They were blaming you, but you didn’t do anything wrong.
They’re telling you how crappy your business is, yet you bring home enough money to source your own lifestyle.
So instead of believing them, you’re now opening up to the possibility that they’re purposely bringing you down for no other reason than to abuse you.
It’s a strong sense, I’ll give you that. It’s the kind of sense that every victim needs, and I wish it would come sooner rather than later to avoid you breaking down and thinking everything is always your fault.
It’s not. You just round the wrong person to be with. And if you’re related to a narcissist, ie, you have a narcissistic parent, then you were equally unlucky for a much longer period of time.
But it’s never too late to get onto them and see them for the narcissist they are, rather than the father, or mother, or brother, or boyfriend, or girlfriend you labelled them as.
Speaking up
It’s hard to even know where to begin when you’re so used to being put in a certain place and being told to stay there.
Narcissists are great at this. They will box you in and keep you fed and watered in your corner where you do as you’re told and behave how they want you to behave.
So what happens when you take those boxes away, and walk free from that corner you were originally placed?
You speak up. You say it initially to yourself:
I think the person that I have loved and tried to maintain a relationship with is a narcissist.
I don’t like the way they treat me.
There are some major inconsistencies with the way they act toward me.
I’ve lost myself since I knew them.
They do not act as if they have my best interests at heart.
I do not like who I am around them.
I should feel whole, yet I feel so broken.
You aren’t imagining any of those feelings, and I think that’s one of the most important things to consider here.
For so long, you were told you were imagining all kinds of things. Now you know you’re not.
You’re seeing behavior, actions, comments, emotions all from the narcissist for what they really are – abusive.
The narcissist’s response
Hold onto your hats, because a wind is about to blow right in!
Narcissists find out you’re onto them, and they want to see exactly what it is you mean. “Be clear,” they say. “Tell me exactly what you think!”
They’re trying hard to work out whether to throw anger at you, or discard you altogether. How much of the you they carved out has been lost to the truth? Can they salvage the victim part of you?
The answer of course, is no. They cannot do that because once you lift the lid on who these people really are, it does not fit back!
So you’re then met with the anger and rage, which is hiding their fear of you discovering their true character well.
Knowing they can’t show this fear, the narcissist will do all they can to try to intimidate you.
They can almost bully you into silence if you let them, but that only exacerbates the fact that they’re an abuser, right?
Why their response is your proof
Bingo, there it is. The proof you needed to move on and heal without them around any more.
And now it all changes. Your relationship will never be the same again because you’ve officially changed the dynamics to shift yourself into power, rather than them.
Your freedom beckons, but not without the last piece of revenge by the narcissist, who will do all they can to smear your name and create you as the problem.
When it changes like this, it can be fast, and you will likely lose people around you who you thought cared about you and believed you.
You can blame the narcissist and shout until you’re heard, but often that only makes you look like you really are the one to blame in it all.
Instead, you carry on being you, and refuse to get drawn into the games they’re playing to get back at you.
The reason they’re so quick to do this is to try to prove to everybody that you’re wrong, and to reassert how they’ve painted themselves (to be the perfect person).
It’s hard to move away from the idea that you are a bad person when you are made out to be one.
There’s not much you can do when your self-worth is so low that you end up believing the narrative, and flashes of guilt or regret will rise.
But you don’t have to be the guilt or regret. Oy can let it pass over you without paying too much attention to it.
When you do, often you can try to return to the narcissist with your endless apologies, and they won’t want to know.
Don’t beg for anybody’s time back. Instead, make a promise to yourself that you will repel narcissists in the future.
Go where you’re loved, and where you can learn to love yourself.
