This Is What Growing Up With a Narcissist Does to You

Nobody asks to have a narcissist as a parent. We’re all born, and it really is a case of luck as to who our parents turn out to be.

When you discover you are the child of a narcissist, no amount of tears will be able to change that.

You carry wounds that those with great parents can’t even begin to comprehend, and you carry them in silence.

Let’s take a look at what those wounds are.

Without even realizing it…

That’s the way a lot of wounds work, isn’t it? We live day to day feeling the effects of them, without even comprehending the fact that the wounds are there.

This is just me, this is who I am.

I’m just a person who thinks this way.

It’s not accurate. We all got to where we are today because of our past.

For whatever reason you arrive at this page, if you grew up with a narcissistic parent, you will be carrying wounds of some kind.

And they’re hard. Hard to admit to having, hard to shake, hard to break down, and hard to shift from.

Wounds can be lifelong

For many people, I’d say wounds can be carried through a lifetime, and the silence of them can feel so loud at times, can’t it?

The lifetime way people hold onto what caused them so much pain will creep into how they love in adult life.

They can creep into how they feel about themselves, the world around them. It can alter the way they view trust, or how they see their own worth.

It can affect their confidence, and mental health. It can make them feel incredibly isolated and lonely.

I want to put a stop to lifelong wounds by highlighting what those wounds are.

Opening up to the knowledge of what causes children of narcissist’s to only live a fraction of their lives can help release them from those wounds.

We can start by naming them.

Wound #1 The fear wound

The wound that stops you from doing what your heart wants, so it constantly feels like you’re having a battle between that and your mind.

Nothing is more exhausting than living each day teetering on the edge of adventure or a decision that will drastically improve your life but being too scared to take that leap of faith.

In order to have faith, you need to be a person who believes that believing something might work out is reason enough to try.

Without that inner drive, you won’t leap at all. Years can go by where fear has won, and you have not moved forward.

Fear is the thief of all joy, but it is just an emotion. It’s hard to understand that when you’re stuck in freeze mode, fearing the worst because you’ve been told the worst will happen.

Wound #2 The hypervigilant wound

Any sudden noise will startle you, reminding you to expect the unexpected at all times. This stems from the inconsistent ways your narcissistic parent showed (or failed to show up) for you.

One minute they were all smiles, the next they were giving you the silent treatment.

One minute they were talking calmly, the next they were shouting and raging in the very same room that you were in.

You learned to always anticipate what’s coming, because you never felt safe. Even in your own home.

And now? Now you live life walking on eggshells. Your surroundings are scoured whenever they change, because you’re on the lookout for conflict or danger.

That’s no way to live.

Wound #3 The boundary wound

The inability to form healthy boundaries in adult life always roots itself back into your childhood, and it can cause many challenges as you try to navigate relationships, work and friendships.

Without boundaries, the wrong kind of person is going to walk all over you, and it’s a wound that doesn’t heal well without the right inner work.

You want to be able to say no and mean no, and you want to be respected for your morals and limits as to what you’ll put up with.

As a child, you weren’t allowed boundaries. They were a sign that you were trying to overthrow your narcissistic parent’s authority, and it wounded you.

You were not allowed personal autonomy, and now you’re grown up, you will find it problematic.

You don’t have to live in a world where you don’t have boundaries, and you shouldn’t need to feel guilty or ashamed of implementing them.

Wound #4 The self-doubt wound

Self-doubt will kick in from an early age if you are raised by a narcissist, but you won’t be able to articulate what it is until you are a little older.

As a kid, you’ll just naturally learn to doubt your feelings, emotions, desires and even your thoughts and opinions.

You’ll be carved out by your parents, rather than be granted the permission to grow organically into who you were meant to be.

This wound is deep, and affects every aspect of your life no matter which direction you turn.

You won’t feel good enough, you know you believe you can do something, and so you will automatically retreat from opportunities to grow and explore life.

Self-doubt can be reversed with the right amount of inner work, but first you have to accept that none of this was your fault.

Wound #5 The identity wound

Who you are is probably very different from who you were born as, and that can be because:

Your narcissistic parent made your fearful instead of fearless
They took away your shine and left you feeling low in confidence and self-worth
They punished you for trying to love them
The punished you for trying to succeed
They disallowed any opportunity for growth if it meant you might end up more successful than them
They ridiculed your hobbies and interests
They never gave you enough independence
They convinced you via their manipulation and control to stop believing in yourself and what you’re truly capable of
They left you feeling like you are a person that you don’t even recognize
In adult life, you struggle with being comfortable in your own skin, because it doesn’t feel like your own

It’s the worst part of narcissistic abuse that I see in adults, and it is a lifelong battle to try to be your authentic self.

It doesn’t seem possible when you don’t even know who that person is, and that wound can cut very deep.

Carrying it in silence means you generally sit back and watch everybody else be themselves with ease, while you struggle to even feel like you’re really there in the room with them.

You feel like an imposter; a stranger both to yourself, and to everybody else, too.