Narcissists are built like a house of cards. While on the outside, things might look mighty and impressive, in reality, they are always just one puff of air away from collapsing entirely.
A narcissistic collapse spells the end of their reign of power, and it can spell a long phase of empowerment for you.
That’s not to say it’s easy to go through, as narcissists will nearly always make you the problem.
So let’s journey their collapse together from start to finish to show you what it really means – and what to expect.
You think you’ve seen ugly…
I don’t think anybody can fully prepare for what narcissistic collapse looks like.
You think you can’t possibly see certain behaviors in grown adults until you see a narcissist lose everything they thought they had in an instant. What follows is a lesson learned:
Never get involved with narcissists, no matter how tempting it is to believe they are good underneath it all.
There’s no heartbreak here
The common mistake to make is to believe that narcissistic collapse is due to some kind of heartbreak that they’re going through – this is false.
If a narcissist feels threatened or has been exposed, that collapse will be down to the fact that they have lost the huge game they set up for themselves – and you – to play.
To lose means their real character has been let loose, and so what you actually see is panic, not heartbreak.
Their biggest fears are coming true, and they’ve only got themselves to blame (except they never will blame themselves).
What is it?
So, let’s get into what narcissistic collapse looks like. That house of cards I spoke about is so accurate due to the delicate and sensitive nature of the narcissist.
They think they’re tough as old boots, but they’re the exact opposite.
In order to overcompensate for the fact that they’re weak and flimsy, they project rage onto those who have wronged them.
They yell, they shout, they scream, they can even turn violent or at least threaten violence.
I’d go as far to say they can intimidate too, and even see the situation as the perfect way to make themselves a true victim to what’s going on. Everything will be your fault, and the (crocodile) tears can easily flow.
Hey, if they’re really desperate, they will try and beg their way back to reverse the damage done.
In other words, a narcissist loses their mind during narcissistic collapse. The world they’ve carefully crafted is falling apart, and there’s little to nothing they can do to change that.
And the cause?
What causes narcissistic collapse?
Where do we even go first?! There are so many possibilities that result in narcissistic collapse, starting with the fact that they simply cannot control you any longer.
That’s what it comes down to, people, and that’s where the pain resides within them.
The moment they realize you’re not there to be pulled in all the directions they want you to go in, it’s game over for them.
So what got you there? How did it get to the point where they are not able to pull those toxic strings any more?
Maybe you threatened to leave because you are so awakened to their behavior. You’re sick and tired of being treated unfairly, and you want to just up and leave.
Did it have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with somebody else? Were they called out by a friend or family member?
Are you getting the brunt of it because you live with them? The panic will be real as they wonder who knows, how many people have been informed about what they’re really like, and how they’re going to get out of it.
Or what about life in general? Is it hard for them? Are things not going their way? Is there no power they can take from it?
With all of these potential ways the narcissist has collapsed, what happens to the mask of pretence they’ve worn all this time?
And so… the mask slips
You’re about to see the real person, and the narcissist is at real risk of allowing others to see them, too.
All that time they’ve hidden behind a fake smile, a fake gesture, a fake compliment, or a gushing emotion that has been proven to be just as unreal – now you see the almost demonic alter-ego.
The person who the narcissist tries to hide has been released into the wild.
What’s underneath?
Sure, there’s stress. You’ll see the narcissist frantically try to solve this problem, but what’s really going on at the root of the problem is that they know they’ve been exposed. There’s no coming back from that, is there?
Once you’ve opened Pandora’s box, you can’t put everything back inside.
Being exposed -for whatever reason they were exposed – makes it hard for them to play along with the character they’ve convinced the public that they are.
The emotions they once pretended to regulate will become more and more difficult, as they wonder what to do next. What’s the plan? Where do they go from here?
As they search for answers, they continue this huge breakdown with no actual remorse for why it’s happened.
There’s no self-reflection, just a person panicking that they are going to be targeted by the innocent and proven to be the toxic person they were all along.
What’s underneath is still selfishly all about them.
If you comfort them during collapse?
This is the point where the narcissist will win. They want you to go to them and tell them everything’s going to be okay.
They want to see you pander to them, and meet their needs even when they’ve shown their true colors to the world.
It’s that bad for them that they can’t possibly go alone, stand up and apologize and work on being a better person.
If you comfort them, they win. They’ve got you still, and they see you’re willing to give them another chance.
This is not the beginning of change
Understanding that narcissistic collapse isn’t the beginning of change will really help you face reality.
Reality isn’t something you’ve been gifted with if you’ve spent all that time with the narcissist, but what you can do is see the collapse for the tantrum that it actually is.
Instead, it is an opportunity for you to be able to untangle the complex personality disorder that is narcissism.
Even at their most toxic, victims have been known to stick by their side and tell them they aren’t going anywhere. In return, the narcissist will promise to change, but that never happens.
Change isn’t possible, and narcissist collapse proves to be the beginning of the end of most relationships with them.
For the narcissist, there’s not much they can do to reverse the damage done by being exposed, however that happened.
When a mask slips, you have to see what’s really under there. Without facing what’s real, you cannot heal.
I like to think of it as an opportunity to have a better future for yourself, and I always like to think that’s possible.
