Gaslighting is cruel
In fact – I’d go so far as to say it can have devastating results for the person on the receiving end.
Reality doesn’t seem real, and whole identities can be lost to the lies and manipulation of a gaslighting narcissist.
Sadly – it is a normal part of a toxic relationship like this.
They want to mess with you and leave you in a permanent state of self-doubt because, well, that’s where they love you to be.
So, what is the worst form of gaslighting?
Put it this way – the narcissist knows how to go big.
Let’s set the scene…
Conflict and Drama Ahead!
You’ve probably been in a situation with a narcissist where you have confronted them about something huge.
Your friend has proof they’ve been cheating.
A narcissistic parent’s unfair treatment of you is coming to light.
A toxic colleague is revealing their true self at work and destroying projects or deadlines.
Armed with evidence – you go fully in.
You have what you need to prove, and I mean prove that they’ve done wrong.
There’s no escape for them – all you need to do is produce your evidence and finally get to a point where people can see them for who they really are.
This is the moment you’ve been waiting for.
You are going to be validated, and you’ll be at peace with all those times you’ve previously struggled because you now have what you need to prove your innocence.
Uh-oh… the narcissist is prepared with this one destructive phrase that will rule you out and crush your reality.
“Nobody is Going to Believe You.”
Hang on a minute.
What do you mean nobody is going to believe me?
It’s perfectly acceptable for the narcissist in their eyes to derail your intention, and they’re so brutally good at it too.
Nobody is going to believe you is the one way the narcissist can be the cruelest version of themselves, with a little help from you – the person who eventually believes them over their reality.
The Mask Slips in Private
You know the mask I’m talking about.
The narcissistic mask is well worn in public. It is almost glued to the face of the narcissist.
It’s kept on so that when the time comes where you want to shout from the rooftops, “This person is toxic! They’re a narcissist!”, people will look at you with confusion.
They’re generous to others.
They’re kind.
They’re passionate.
They’re charming,
They’re a good person.
They’re admired by all.
That’s exactly what they want everyone to think, making it harder for you to reveal them as the ‘bad guy.’
What Does This Mean For You??
Well, there’s only one way for you to travel: down a slippery slope of anxiety and uncertainty.
The more difficult it is for you to prove to everyone that the narcissist is cruel and unforgiving, the mre despairing it can be.
You feel helpless. You might even blame yourself, and doubt what you’ve seen or been told or shown.
Next Step – Isolation
This is the pivotal moment when a person who has been gaslit into believing nobody will believe them withdraws. They pull away from everybody around them—family and friends—because the ultimate divide is there.
There’s nothing you can do to prove the narcissist is a narcissist. There’s also the real risk of the person believing something fundamentally wrong with themselves.
It’s as if you’re the delusional one, and all that support you previously had just fades.
Believe me when I say the narcissistic purposely dismantles you to gain full control.
Nobody’s going to listen to you.
Nobody is going to believe you.
What’s left for you, other than just submitting to their toxicity?
Meanwhile…
The narcissistic person may continue to go around as they usually do, as their fake charming self, pushing their grandiose ideas into the world and ‘getting away with it.’
Hopeless Doesn’t Come Close…
Unfortunately, the narcissist is likely right. Nobody will believe you all the while everybody else sees a totally different person to you.
You can shout and scream until you’re blue in the face. You can point and say what you know, what you see and what you feel.
It’ll get you nowhere.
You’ll feel hopeless – and that’s exactly what the narcissist was aiming for.
They gaslight you to keep you under their control. They see what you want to share with others, making it impossible for you to gain any kind of belief or validation.
The Excuses Follow
What usually happens when you try to tell people the truth about the narcissist is the usual phrases:
We all have stuff going on.
I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think.
Families all have their own issues.
I find that hard to believe.
Well, I’ve personally never had any problems with them.
Yes … that’s right … More gaslighting!
Help won’t be an option for you (even though it always is), because in your mind – getting further help is futile.
What’s the point, if people are already disbelieving you?
Childhood Trauma
It’s not unusual for a child to go through the same process – imagine how traumatic that must be for somebody already vulnerable?
If children are faced with this worst form of gaslighting, they will soon learn to never ask for help.
They will learn to suffer in silence.
They will never fully know themselves.
Reality will be a permanent distortion – but all they know.
Familiar?
As most of my blogs go, you will have room to fit your story into your learning. That can be helpful to you when you compare your own experiences with what reads as ‘textbook narcissistic tactics.’
It’s so important to understand how narcissistic relationships work, not only for your own benefit, but for your future too.
Hiding your reality doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
Being told nobody is going to believe you is a cruel attempt to conceal the toxic behaviors the narcissist regularly exudes.
We need to talk about this form of gaslighting more and more, and with each conversation, we take away the power of the narcissist.
