Okay, let’s take a moment before I go into this topic. I know what you’re all thinking.
Yes is the answer.
Narcissists actually have friends.
Well, they’re as much “friends” as they could ever be with the narcissist, but I’d say “pawn” is far more accurate.
These people are in the lives of the toxic, and each one is going to hear all about you.
Do you want to know what they will hear?
Good.
Because I’m here to tell you.
Truth?!
I know. It’s strange to imagine any truth when it comes to narcissists.
They lie from the moment they wake, to the moment they fall asleep. If they could, they’d probably lie in their dreams, too!
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There is truth behind the lies, and that truth is how much the narcissist wants to protect themselves.
If they were to be honest about you, that would involve them being nice, and dare I say it – vulnerable!
They won’t want to be seen as any of these. All that will end up doing is revealing a weak side to them that they’re trying hard to prove doesn’t exist.
So, what exactly does the narcissist say about you to their friends (coin the term ‘friend’ loosely for me, please…)
#1 The Overhype
They won’t hesitate to hype you up if they need to, but it’s never going to be overly emotional.
The practicalities of your personality will be laid out on the table, and the narcissist will celebrate them.
I finally found somebody who can cook!
I don’t have to do anything – they have it all figured out for me.
I’m living my best life.
I made sure I found somebody who looks sweet on my arm.
They’re a firecracker in bed!
The overhype on you will be complimentary, but not necessarily flattering.
What the narcissist wants is to make it seem as though you’re there to do them a favor. This takes away – you guessed it – any emotion or attachment.
#2 The Underhype
Just as a narcissist wants to overhype, they won’t think twice about throwing you under the bus.
Have any of you seen The Traitors? You forever see fellow traitors hang each other out to dry at the drop of a hat if it means saving their own skin! This is what a narcissist will do.
They’re always so late, it’s so annoying.
They’re so lazy. They never do anything around the house.
They just sit about leaving me to do it all.
It’s boring being with them. They don’t spark my fire any more.
If you can be at fault for something that takes any negative focus from them, they will happily say what they need to say.
Sad, but true.
#3 The Intimacy
I find this one of the saddest truths, because intimacy is supposed to be between two people.
Nobody should be talking about the intimate side of their personal lives, but especially narcissists. They are always doing it.
Oh my God, they will do anything I tell them to do.
They love it when I am in control.
It’s a good job they’re fantastic in bed.
I wish you could see how lucky I am.
Don’t even be surprised if they willingly let their friends view the photo of you they took on vacation on the beach and brag that ‘you’re all theirs.’
It’s as if they want extra points from their friends, and that those points come from how well, or not well, you perform.
Huge red flag.
#4 You Are Lazy
If you’re the lazy one, then the narcissist is the proactive one.
The person who gets it all done.
The one who pays the bills.
The one capable.
The only who tidies, and shops for groceries.
It’s a hard life being a narcissist, but if you’re going to hide the fact that you are, you need to prove to people that you’re a hard worker, and in it for the love.
No wonder their friend was strangely quiet with you last week when you bumped into them…
#5 You’re Obedient
They do as they’re told. That’s how it works.
Of course I can make that golfing weekend. She won’t mind. She doesn’t do anything outside of work anyway.
You see, these types of comments are common with narcissists. They will use your obedience as a handy tool of freedom for themselves.
Nobody promised a rose garden when hooking up with a narcissist…
#6 You’ll Do For Now
As if there’s always somebody better about to come along for the narcissist – and exactly how they try to make it sound like you deserve more than you’ve currently got.
The you’ll do for now is a truth the narcissists will tell their friends. They don’t want to look as though they are too caught up on you.
Heaven forbid they like a person, begin a healthy relationship with them, and show affection!
You know you’re worth more than that, and this is why I’m here – to tell you!
#7 You’ll Say Yes To Anything
Yes is a word you’re probably familiar with. You say it a lot because the bad moods generated by the narcissist if you don’t aren’t worth it.
Saying yes doesn’t mean you’re a walkover, but sadly that’s how the narcissist will view you.
It almost becomes a bragging right of the narcissist.
They just say yes to anything – it’s fantastic!
Oh yeah, we can make it. She will be fine and say yes.
Deciding what your answer is going to be, before you’ve even had the opportunity to think, is a horrible truth that will be relayed to the narcissist’s friends.
#8 They Work Overtime For You
All I do is work, work, work.
Day in and day out.
It never ends.
I work hard while they live the life of luxury.
If it weren’t for me, they’d be in serious trouble.
I can’t take time off, I have family and partner to provide for.
It’s as if it’s something that nobody else does.
We all work to provide, right? Whether that be for ourselves, or our children.
We work, and we get what we need and want in life, but narcissists make out like they’re slaves to their jobs, all to keep others heads above water.
This isn’t noble, at all.
‘Friends?’
I can’t let this one go without a little Friendship 101.
Narcissists don’t have friends. The closest thing they have to friends are allies. People who they can rely on, use, or ask favors of.
If you weren’t aware, narcissists find it incredibly hard to start and maintain true friendships.
These involve a certain element of vulnerability. To be a true friend means to be a good listener, and to sometimes put somebody else before you.
Narcissists? Forget it!
