THIS is The Only Thing That Works With Narcissists

You can try and make life work with a narcissist. Getting to know one can lead to all kinds of wishes and hopes and dreams inside you, I totally get that.

You want to be able to trust them as much as you want to be respected by them. 

Loved. 

In proper ways – not in ways that backfire on you somehow, or keep you feeling on edge or even unsafe.

You try to compromise, but it doesn’t work. You let them in, and they take everything and leave you with nothing.

So, what’s the only thing that works with narcissists? What is the one sure thing you’re left with when everything else fails?

Why Nothing Else Works

Narcissists are insistent that you abide by their rules. If you don’t, you’ll instead suffer the consequences. It’s been a longstanding cycle for as long as narcissists have been around. 

I know for sure that those who have been affected by any kind of narcissist are more than keen to escape those controlling clutches. 

So you try, and you try, and you try. And nothing works. You try the peaceful approach, but you get trampled all over. You go for the abiding approach, but that only gets you deeper into their position to manipulate you. 

You’re running out of steam, and you need help now.

Any Narcissist…?

I want you to know that no matter what kind of narcissist is in your life – this one answer to all your problems will work with every single one of them.

Friend.

Neighbor.

Partner.

Co-worker.

Relative.

The magic that unfolds when you implement real change will live with you forever, as long as you are consistent with this implementation. 

You see, narcissists are unpredictable. They don’t care what you have to say, and they don’t appreciate being unable to 

So, What is The One Thing That Works?

You’ve got to the point where you need something, anything, to get you to a place where the narcissist isn’t walking all over you and violating all your values.

You’re left with one choice and one choice alone:

You need boundaries.

I’m not talking about deciding not to tolerate the narcissist’s games anymore – I am specifically talking about sticking to them.

You cannot negotiate here. 

Boundaries are the only answer to how you can resolve this inner conflict they’ve created within you. 

Boundaries are truly the only thing that works. 

Boundaries: Explain!

Imagine telling a child that they can’t do something they really want to do.

You might see them stomp their feet in frustration.

They might scream or cry.

They might throw a toy.

They may even cry.

The bottom line is that they will hate it.

The difference between a child and a narcissist only comes down to age. That emotional dysregulation still exists, even decades after they should be able to regulate their displeasure. 

Boundaries are hated because they are a sign of strength. They’re a sign that you are not going to tolerate their control any longer and that you have your limits.

The most important aspect of boundaries is that there are clear consequences to the narcissist’s actions. Keeping to those is crucial.

They Don’t Value You: Boundary

Nobody is going to value you if you’re constantly giving yourself away. Everything you stand for, what you believe in and what you fight for have to all mean something to you.

And they have to remain exactly where they were before the narcissist came along. If a person is trying to push your boundaries and create some kind of immoral collapse in your life – it stands to reason that this is a huge reg flag. 

Narcissists will see that you have moveable boundaries when they start encroaching on your time. They will see you as somebody always willing to give up what matters to you in order to please others.

It’s always going to be at your loss.

It’s always going to be at their gain. 

They Don’t Listen To You: Boundary 

You say something you know to be true, and they completely burst your bubble. Deeper than that, they completely deny you in every way. 

You want to implement a boundary that allows you to stand your ground and believe in your truth, but they make it so hard when they throw confused looks your way.

It’s perfectly normal for those who are abused by a narcissist to doubt themselves, but in doing so, you fully let go of who you are. 

Their Voice Constantly Raises: Boundary

If you hate raised voices, there’s no way you’re going to tolerate the constant pushing of a narcissist for a fight.

They don’t even have to raise their own voices. As long as they’re getting under your skin, it’s only a matter of time before you naturally snap. 

It’s okay to have had enough of their verbal poking, but guess what?

Now you shouted.

Two things happen.

Number one, you’re unhelpfully reminded that ‘no shouting’ was your own boundary that you yourself broke. 

Number two, you’re blamed for raising your voice and upgrading the conversation to conflict. Even though the reason you shouted was because you were pushed into doing so. 

You need to actively work on maintaining the ‘no raised voices’ boundary every day. 

What Can You Do?

Regarding relationships, thinking about what you actually want from one will help keep you aligned with your truth.

And your boundaries.

Do you want respect?

Peace?

Love?

Loyalty?

Compromise?

Security?

Communication?

You’re not going to get any of those things with a narcissist, no matter how hard you try. 

Boundaries will keep them away, and keep the right people around you.

Their Self-Centered World

Always pushing your relationship to a toxic place, tell me one thing that isn’t self-centered about narcissists.

It’s a risk to assume they will listen to any boundary you apply, but the key, and I cannot stress this enough, is to hold down on your boundary.

Treat it like the sail of a ship in a storm. You have to hold on to it like it’s the only thing transporting you to calmer waters. 

If you can master your sails – their self-centered world will cease to exist within yours. 

I Get It – You Care

…But it’s not your weight to carry. 

You aren’t too needy to care or want to look after yourself. Boundaries exist for you to live authentically and not tolerate dishonest or disingenuous behavior. 

It truly is the only thing that works with narcissists, and I am making no promises that they will enjoy your boundaries but…

That’s just tough, isn’t it?

You matter the most.