Usually, I wouldn’t be advocating for starving anybody. Sounds like such a cruel thing to do!
Thankfully, this has nothing to do with food and everything to do with emotional starvation.
We all know narcissists could do with a healthy dose of that to bring them back down to reality.
When you withhold from narcissists, you learn to displace a dynamic that has always seen you on the receiving end of their behavior.
All the while you give them what they want, they’re taking from you with no ways or means of replacing it.
Some might call them soul thieves.
They’d be right.
So I say starve. And here’s how you do it.
Ignore, Ignore Ignore
Whatever you give the narcissist, you feed the narcissist. But have you ever thought, “Hold on. If I don’t give them anything, then I could starve them.”
I don’t mean send them on a food strike, I mean send them on a supply strike.
Your moods, your reactions, the way you do everything for them, your constant forgiveness, your loyalty, how you obey them no matter what; it’s all supply.
It makes them happy. It feeds them. It gives them purpose and life to know that they’re getting a part of you that you’re unknowingly giving away. And you lose that part of you.
What are your options? One of the most effective ways is to actually starve them of supply by ignoring them.
Stop giving them the things they’re looking for from you to feel good, especially if in turn, it makes you feel terrible.
Lose the reactions when things go wrong. Lose the tears, and start to work with the very real concept that you get to control how you respond to situations.
Come to terms with the fact that you’re being played for a fool, and see the patterns the narcissist is using to get the worst out of you, for the best result for them.
Withhold admiration and praise
Victims of narcissistic abuse will often praise the narcissist because they know it makes the narcissist feel amazing.
I’ll be honest with you though, you could be anybody. They don’t care that it’s you praising them, they’re only interested in the words that you’re saying.
Wow, you are so good at decorating.
I think you look absolutely gorgeous.
You’re so clever.
I’d love to be half as smart as you.
You just take things in your stride so well, I’m envious of that.
I love how you put the important things first.
I’m so grateful for you.
Firstly, come on. Really? If you’re saying these things, do you actually mean them?
If you’re talking to a narcissist, I highly doubt you do. But, what aspect do you enjoy?
It’s the smile on their face after you say the thing, isn’t it? It’s the way they puff their chest out and act all modest while you primp and preen their ego with your compliments.
A part of you then concedes to the idea that you made that happen. It makes you feel great, too.
You’re grateful for this positive exchange, and life just for a little while feels good.
Stop it all. Withhold the words because you know they aren’t true. Keep yourself rooted in reality, and how disturbing the narcissist is.
By starving them of the positive, they have no way of getting what they want from you, and will move onto somebody who will provide it.
Refuse to engage in their drama
Why would anybody want to be a part of the narcissist’s drama? Well, you’d be surprised…
Drama is a part of the addictiveness of being around a narcissist.
Those highs and lows are experienced through knowing somebody so toxic, but without those extreme lows, there would never be anything as euphoric as the highs.
It’s a sad fact, but that’s exactly what draws narcissists to their victims.
When you choose peace over chaos, you are giving yourself a level of kindness that you are overdue.
Nobody else is going to offer that to you unless you let it in and accept that peace is healthy, not boring.
Refusing to engage in their drama does lead for a calmer life, and I know calm isn’t the same as all that pushing and pulling you’ve grown accustomed to having in your life.
However, without peace, there can be no regulation.
Go ‘Gray Rock’
I could sing gray rock from the rooftops! It’s not for the weak, it’s for the wilting.
You have to take a hold of some situations and refuse to hand the power over to the narcissist whenever you can, and gray rock is the perfect way to do it.
They lose interest, and I cannot tell you how funny it is to witness.
In a nutshell, narcissists love drama and excitement. They want to pull all your emotions from you and gobble them up.
If you offer nothing, they have nothing to take.
Gray rock is nothing.
Shrug.
Okay.
Sure.
Whatever.
Uh-huh.
It’s the least you can give a person. When usually you’d step up and offer them all the information about you, instead, you act like a boring old gray rock found on a beach full of sea glass.
Starve them directly by refusing to be drawn into their games, and see how long it takes them to drop you and move onto a new supply.
Limit or end what you tell them
As much as they creep for information, you put a lid on what you offer out.
I know that you might want to share news, or plans, but it’s not in your best interests to keep the narcissist in the loop.
It’s especially unwise to allow them access to your feelings and thoughts when you know the destruction caused when they take advantage of what you’re telling them.
So stop doing it and keep them hooked on the anticipation that you will open up…
Then…
Never do!
Ignore their baiting
Narcissists will do anything to bait you into a trap they’ve set up.
As hard as it is sometimes, you have to ignore them. The little pots on social media you know are aimed at you, or the luring invites from them when you know they have an ulterior motive.
You once would have jumped at the chance to connect, but now you must walk away firmly, while reestablishing your boundaries.
Remember, nothing needs an explanation if you are trying to put yourself first. Least of all reasons why you’re pulling away from them.
Being around them is cause for emotional dysregulation, and I know you’ll be eager to stop that from affecting you any longer.
You know, it takes a strong kind of person to be able to do this. To starve a narcissist in general means you have to step out of what you’d normally do, in favor of an action perhaps less comfortable.
I believe you can do it, and I know it’s possible. But most importantly, it works.
I can promise you that you’ll have no regrets if you choose to turn away from their games and spend more time focusing on yourself.
