Before a narcissist executes their final walk away from you, they love to think about what kind of final attack they can throw your way.
When I sat and thought about what that attack looks like, I was in no doubt about one in particular.
It’s the kind of attack that will leave you purposely feeling as though you are trapped; stuck in their web of lies.
It’s evil, and once they’ve made their move, they will leave you for good.
After this attack, there is no going back for either of you.
#1 The not-so-calm before the storm
You want calm to be quiet, but this is not what you like. Relationships like this before they end are too quiet.
The arguments slow down to the point where they almost stop, and the tension shifts like there’s something cutting through the air.
Something definitely feels off, but you just can’t place it.
For the narcissist, they almost seem detached, maybe even polite.
This is not what peace should feel like, and you shouldn’t be waiting as if a bomb is about to drop.
What is being prepared by the narcissist, is their final attack before they leave you once and for all.
As their exit plans rolls out, you are left frowning, and asking yourself, “Why does it feel different between us all of a sudden?”
The storm hasn’t even begun yet.
#2 Understanding the Smear Campaign
Nobody should have to experience a smear campaign, but I do believe everybody should understand what one looks like.
One minute, you have friends and family; people you know who like and respect you.
The next? Some of those people are canceling plans with you. Others have deleted you from their social media accounts.
Some cross the street to avoid talking to you. You see a behavior change, and you know it’s nothing you personally said or did.
So what is it?
Smear campaigns are designed specifically by the narcissist to set you up to be hated.
Their aim is to turn as many people as possible against you by using your name and reputation, so that you end up looking the bad guy who did all the bad things.
They want to isolate you, and the best way to do that is to spread rumors about you that are entirely fabricated, so the narcissist forms an army of allies, and you are left hurt and confused.
#3 The re-writing of your character
Narcissists are infamous for doing this right before they leave you, because they want to set up the kind of scenario that makes it appear that they’re the ones who got hurt.
She is going to leave me.
I’ve tried everything.
He doesn’t even have a conscience.
He won’t listen. He’s hurt me so much.
I should never have trusted her.
She hurts anybody she meets.
Eventually it will be you, so watch out.
Your character will be re-written overnight.
I’ve heard of smear campaigns so effective before that people have literally woken up to being blocked by those they considered to be real pillars of support and trust.
I don’t know what that’s like, but I know why narcissists do it. It’s because your character, by nature, is brilliant. Like your reputation, you carry yourself well and have great relationships with others.
The narcissist doesn’t want to leave you knowing that you have all of this going for you, because the people you have in your life will trust your opinions and experiences.
If that threatens the narcissist in some way, they are done for.
So they get in before you, and wreck you.
#4 Private details shared…
Out of concern?!
I am really worried about how abusive she is.
I think about how troubled he is, and I have concerns for those he’s close to.
That’s all it takes. Seeds are planted, and people have time to think, overthink and come to incorrect assumptions about you.
Those assumptions will always work in the narcissist’s favor.
Your fears are hung out to dry, and everything about your private life is shared casually with others so it can be used as credibility for the narcissist.
They don’t care about you, and they never did. Suddenly everything you shared is used as a weapon against you, and that is betrayal at probably the deepest level you could imagine.
#5 Allies become judge and jury
When you notice those you were once close to becoming more and more distant, it’s no wonder it causes a spoke in your paranoia.
What happened?
Why are people acting differently?
Why is my closest friend becoming so distant?
None of this is by chance, and that’s because the narcissist got there first.
No, they didn’t tell the whole story, but they certainly chose to tell theirversion of it.
People will believe what they’re initially presented with, which is never good news for those who are suffering at the hands of a smear campaign.
#6 Your reactions will be evidential
This is the part where the narcissist really knows how to get their claws into you.
Every reaction will be watched. If you blow your lid in anger, you;l be framed as somebody who is unstable, and everything the narcissist said about you will look to be true.
The more you protest your innocence, the more it will seem as though you have something to hide.
But you’re being provoked; baited into a corner of the room where you are literally unable to speak for yourself because it’s already been said.
See?
This is what I have had to deal with.
It’s why I can’t take any more.
It’s why I have to leave.
You walking into the trap is exactly what the narcissist wants you to do.
#7 Isolation before the final discard
The narcissist wants your support system to be dismantled so that you have nobody to turn to when they leave.
It’s the ultimate punishment for doing absolutely nothing wrong. They get a kick out of seeing you alone, as your pain worsens.
What makes it worse is how surrounded they are. They have validation and support. People care and show their concern, and you just look like a fool.
Not because you are, but because that’s how you’re painted throughout this entire campaign.
#8 The final attack: The pain that follows
The final attack is brutal, but this isn’t just about the breakup, it’s about everything else that follows it.
It leads to a loss of identity, and you question your reality.
You don’t trust your judgment or worth, and you have all that mess to clean up while the narcissist walks away free from all of it.
It’s not fair, but among the chaos, there is hope.
Truths eventually surface, and healing can begin when you stop explaining yourself to everybody else.
In rebuilding your life, you get the last laugh.
As they say:
The best revenge is success.
Let that be the case for you.
