Narcissists are like emotional vampires, they will suck all the joy and life out of you so slowly that you won’t even realize they’re doing it.
Then one day, you will see the consequences of knowing them staring back at you in the mirror.
You’ll feel lifeless and drained, not to mention overwhelmed with the dizziness of negativity and desperation.
You’ll want to know yourself all over again, but before you do, you have to really understand the emotional toll the narcissist had on you.
It’s not easy, but it’s necessary.
Chronic Anxiety
Your anxiety has probably been written into your life as just you, right? You might think, “Yeah, I’m just a person with anxiety. I just have to learn to live with it.”
With anxiety, there is a root cause. Exploring that can be hard and painful, and it’s certainly not a linear healing process.
Anxiety can become chronic. Every day you worry, and you can’t remember a time where this wasn’t the case.
I’d ask you if you can imagine having to live like this, but there’s a chance you may already know.
The fact is, forgiveness can take its toll. If you are repeatedly letting somebody get away with treating you terribly, then you’re setting yourself a standard so low that it’s going to come with serious problems.
Walking on eggshells. Being told that you aren’t good enough for that job, or to travel, or that the world is a dangerous place unless you keep the narcissist close by your side.
Never knowing what kind of mood they will be in day to day. Having your confidence and self-belief stripped from you through ridicule or criticism.
They say they’re sorry, and to keep the peace, you say it’s alright. You forgive and want to move on, because you want everything to be okay. But you know it’s not okay, and that’s what you’re internally fighting with.
It leads to sleepless nights and overthinking. It leads to a dysregulated nervous system where you always feel like you’re in fight or flight mode. And it’s incredibly draining.
Erosion of Self-Trust
When you’re forgiving a narcissist for yet another thing they’ve done wrong, it’s possible that you are in turn eroding a part of you that trusts the greater good.
You know those values you have, where kindness and compassion matter? Kindness and compassion can live in an apology, if that apology is genuine.
Where they don’t lie is in the repeated acts of wrongfulness that narcissists exhibit before that apology. It’s not okay to watch yourself disappear in the toxicity of a narcissistic character.
Beyond that is the gaslighting that can take place when a narcissist is asking you for forgiveness.
It didn’t happen like that.
You’re overreacting.
This is not true.
Eventually, and with hope from them, you’re likely to just agree and say, you’re right.
You’ll be programmed to believe that their opinions and experiences are the truth, and not what you saw or heard for yourself.
That level of self-trust will be quick to go.
Sleep Issues
I mentioned sleepless nights, but really, I cannot stress the toll this can take on a person.
Eventually when you’re in a toxic environment, you’ll reach the stage where you are on constant high alert.
There’s no switching off. There’s no regulation. When fight-or flight becomes this heavy, you will be unable to sustain strong, prolonged sleep.
Whether it be having trouble falling asleep, or having trouble staying asleep, it will affect you in a big way.
You can try the lavender spray and the relaxing music, which is what you’ll find when you Google sleep problems, but the root of the problem is constantly forgiving the narcissist in your life for mistreating you.
You have that choice. Stop it, or carry on sleeping poorly.
Hypervigilance
When a person is hypervigilant, they never get rest. Not even in the middle of the night when you should be at your most relaxed and restoring your energy for the next day.
That fight-or-flight is always on, and you’re waiting for something to happen all the time.
You can’t release that tension and let your guard down because the moment you do will be the moment you are caught out.
Narcissists blowing hot and cold will treat you this way, and they will be the reason you are unable to let the stress out of your body.
Over time you become easily startled, you won’t like to do new things because you’re worried something will go wrong.
You can’t sleep for long because your body wants to always remain in a state of being ready for anything.
Trauma-Bond Reinforcement
When you’re attached to a person who causes you harm, often due to cycles of abuse, that reinforcement will kick in when they offer you intermittent forms of affection.
These will be crop dusted throughout your time with the narcissist, and they will be all you need to know you want to stay.
This dynamic strengthens the emotional bond, and will create confusion and dependency.
You will be more loyal, and it will all be because of those fragmented moments of positivity within your interactions with them.
They do love me, after all.
Over time, you’re more likely to normalize the abuse that’s going on, because you know and have seen those tiny good moments, and are holding onto them.
That will make it harder for you to leave, and breaking those bonds will only be possible if you are in a safe, loving environment with people you can genuinely trust.
Cycles of Depression
It can get dark, and I know it might not be what you want to hear, but it’s important to know what depression looks and feels like.
It’s nothing. It;s just a void of nothing where you want color and emotion to be.
And no matter how hard you try to pull those things into the void, that void only gets bigger.
With narcissistic relationships, that void was created by the narcissist. They took what color and life you had, and stripped it from you, including your friends. You feel isolated and like you don’t know yourself, but you want to.
All I can say is, you aren’t alone, and help is available for recovery.
Finances Drained
Say goodbye to your money if you are around a narcissist because not only will they drain your soul, but they will also drain the heck out of your finances.
And I get it, it’s a real worry. You think, “How am I going to be able to afford to pay that bill this month?”
You’d be able to if the narcissist hadn’t spent the past five years withdrawing your money for their own personal kicks.
It takes time to recover financially, but you can do it with planning and wise spending.
You shouldn’t have to though, and that’s my point.
Lower Standards
Your standards of love should never fall low, even if you have experience with a narcissist. Keeping them high will mean your future you will thank you for it.
I know it’s hard to see a person better than the narcissist. But over time and if you can learn to heal, you will be able to see that you really can get yourself a higher standard of partner and be all the happier for it.
