The narcissist family to you are a group of people that you hope you can get along with.
It’s important, right?
So what happens when you spot the narcissist in your partner, and you have nobody to turn to?
You should be able to speak up, but you’re met with silence and the incoming tidal wave of hate.
But why is this? Why can’t they hear you? Why can’t they see it for themselves?
I’ve got you.
The Narrative of a Lifetime
It’s worked for them all these years, hasn’t it?
The narcissist is part of a family dynamic where literally nobody talks about the elephant in the room.
I’m not talking about seeing a huge, gray mammal sitting on a chair complete with tusks and a trunk.
I’m talking about the much smaller, much weaker, much more dangerous narcissist.
They sit in the nestling warmth of their family like nothing is wrong, but you come along and see it for what it is.
You look at each family member, wondering if they are all blind. But they’re not. They can see. They can hear. They can sense.
You stand up and say it…
You know what? Why are we all ignoring the fact that this person is a huge narcissist? Why is nobody talking about it?
You’ve exposed what they’ve ignored and avoided for probably decades.
The narrative changes the moment you open your mouth and speak the truth.
You See Through the Mask — and That’s Dangerous
I know you’re not going to just stand up and declare his kind of thing without being fully sure. But it’s that mask, isn’t it?
The mask of the narcissist looks so believable at first. It’s realistic. You genuinely think a really nice charming person is behind it.
Why would you not? They’re so good at convincing you their lies are truths that you don’t even have time to raise your hand and ask questions.
Then one day, you see something you don’t recognize. It’s part their face, and part the mask.
What is this?
Oh.
And so it makes sense.
You were deceived. And when you go to tell the narcissists’ family, it’s as if you’re the problem. They don’t want to hear it or be a part of it.
And you’re known so tactfully as the troublemaker!
You’re Not Easily Controlled
That’s probably part of the problem you’ve got now. I don’t want you to think that you not being easily controlled is a problem in general, but it is where narcissists are concerned.
If you’re standing up and pointing at something that isn’t right, you will be met with resistance.
Why did somebody so strong have to come along with all that confidence?
Why did somebody with so much hunger for justice decide to enter the life of the narcissist we know?
This is really going to rock the boat.
The more you see them retreat, the more you know something is really wrong.
But you know, you shouldn’t have to worry about putting a limit on the way you live your life. If you see something unfair, you want to speak up, you should.
Just be prepared for not everybody to feel as ecstatic about it as you are.
Refusing to Join the Toxic Loyalty Pact
That’s where you like to say one of your favorite phrases:
I would rather stand alone and be right, than join the pack and be wrong.
You’re right to do that, but don’t expect anybody to join you.
Why are you doing this?
Why can’t you just leave it be?
Why ruin what’s been this way for years?
Why are you trying to cause a problem?
You’re not though, are you? You’re just trying to get people to notice that a narcissist has them all under their spell and control.
You want them to feel free, and you can’t understand why they aren’t fighting for that freedom.
You Challenge the Family Roles the Narcissist Assigned
Why aren’t you speaking up?
You’re supposed to be their mother?
I thought you were the one they were closest to?
Why do you let them carry on like that around you?
It’s unfair that you let yourself be treated this way.
They’re clearly isolating you.
I mean – whatever next? The family dynamics are only the way they are because that’s how the narcissist has painted the picture.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. People are free to be whatever they want to be away from the power grab the narcissist has their hands around.
So you come along, and you challenge it. And you should. It’s overdue.
Except nobody likes the volume at which you’re talking. They want you to stop it, be quiet, and just continue with what has worked all this time.
If anything, the narcissist’s family thinks you’re becoming worse than the narcissist.
You Witness the Abuse — and They Know It
It’s not going to be spoken about though, is it? Listen, if you’re with the narcissist, the narcissist’s family is going to know what you see, what you experience, what y ou hear, and how they make you feel.
They will know what goes on behind closed doors.
They will know that you suffer, and that you’ve been abused.
So why isn’t that enough for their family to stand up and call out what isn’t fair?
To be honest – they don’t want to speak up because they’re scared of the repercussions. They’re afraid of the narcissist and what they might do.
Any kind of voice to their detriment is likely to blow the family wide apart, changing the dynamics forever.
And oddly enough, none of them really know what role to play outside of the ones they were designated by the narcissist.
So yes – they keep quiet – even though they know what you’re going through.
They’ve Been Conditioned to Blame Outsiders
It’s easier than tackling the root cause, isn’t it?
The family is looking for ways to distract the world from who is really to blame, and that’s done by pointing fingers at outsiders – in this case – you.
For this reason, you’re pretty handy to have around, but underneath that, you’re still hated.
But you are not the scapegoat. You aren’t the person who should come along and have all the blame heaped on you just because you’re in the wrong time and wrong place.
As unfair as it is, it’s not genuine at all. It’s all the work the narcissist has put into phishing them out of the blame spotlight…
…It’s called conditioning.
Can you even comprehend just how powerful the narcissist is when they can manipulate an entire family into thinking they aren’t the problem, even though there is one common denominator in all of the problems?
It’s crazy that you can then walk into the circle and be the bad guy, but unfortunately, it’s common practice when it comes to narcissistic abuse.
Unless you walk away quickly, it’ll end up being a tangled web that you are stuck in for a long time.
And the family will never fully accept you all the while you push against the narrative the narcissist has plotted and planned.
