Hello, chosen one.

It is my understanding that your confusion as to why the narcissist chose you above everybody else brought you here.

What was it about you – specifically – that they found attractive? What made them make that toxic beeline for you? How did you end up in this mess?

Knowing what it was will raise awareness – and that awareness will save you the next time.

So, without further ado, let’s pick apart the narcissist’s motive.

You’re Good For Something

Hard to believe that you might be good for something in the eyes of the narcissist, isn’t it?

All that time they make you feel like you’re the last person on earth they’d choose to be stuck on a desert island with, yet they chose you.

Now, don’t go thinking the narcissist is right when they tell you that you’re good for nothing.

You’re good for everything they don’t want to see or hear about, so those traits are drained out of you. 

I know how perplexing it can be to assume any kind of role in a narcissist’s life, but somehow, there is a part of you that needs them.

Understanding Your Role: The Bond Between

In short, a narcissist needs you because you are more willing to meet their needs than, say, a person with less empathetic traits.

Narcissists will give you all the attention and desire you feel you never had (very sporadically), and that’s what forms your attachment to them.

There’s part of you that needs the narcissist, too. They may resemble a parent from childhood, and you will be reminded how to earn their love to deserve it.

Because of that, it will feel like you’re correcting a part of yourself that you were once too young to know.

This bond is partly made up of them, and partly made up of you, but it’s there, and it’s there from the moment you both meet. 

So, what helps the narcissist choose you? What exactly are they looking out for?

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7 Reasons The Narcissist Chooses You

#1 To Use You

It’s simple, and it’s in plain old black and white.

Narcissists choose you because they know they can use you. They know you have so many things to offer and want to take advantage of them.

Your good nature is stripped of all dignity as they walk over you from the beginning.

Knowing you’re on hand to do whatever they ask because you love them is how they get away with so much.

I hate to say it, but that’s the role you fill. That’s the void in their life you bring warmth and meaning to.

#2 You Give Them What They Need

It’s not that you openly or consciously want to hand the narcissist what they literally need – this is a lot deeper.

Giving the narcissist what they need can be how you:

• Forgive their rage or abuse
• Be sad or angry when they provoke you, or want you to be
• Be there to fill them with compliments when they need a boost of ego
• Fall into their games as if they were traps
• Change your mind based on what they tell you you should think
• Apologize. Even when you have done absolutely nothing wrong

The list can go on and on, but essentially, these are ways every victim gives their abuser what they need – always resulting in more power for them and less for you. 

#3 To Make Them Look Good

If you can make them look good, it works out well for them, right?

Taking you out to buy an expensive outfit so you can come along like the trophy partner they want you to be at their important work party. 

Having important contacts, connections, or even a job that they can show off to their friends.

If you are seen as a person with a high status, then others will see the narcissist as worthy of being in your company. 

Being at home and making the house look beautiful with all the money the narcissist tells you to spend on it. So when people come over, they are amazed by your lifestyle, maybe even a little envious*! 

If you can help win people over for them, they will forever choose you.

*(Remember – healthy people will not hesitate to say how jealous they are of something another person has.

The jestful way you can say, “Oh my God, I am so jealous you have this car!”, is what really fuels their supply).

#4 They Need a Place to Stay/Money

It can be brutal when somebody clings to you for a place to stay, or to keep asking for loans.

I’ll pay you back Friday, I promise.

I’ve got some work coming in. You’ll receive your money as soon as I can.

You want to oblige because you’re a good person – and you love to help!

This is why they chose you – to take full advantage of what you have.

What’s yours is theirs..!

#5 Your Positivity

Narcissists extract positivity from people and store that energy for themselves.

Fueling up on your supply will leave you with nothing, but they target you because of your supply. 

Without any of that wholesome, good identity, you’re just another miserable person, and that’s no good for them.

#6 How Fair You Are

You’ll always give the narcissist the benefit of the doubt. You don’t want or like conflict.

You hate the thought of arguing over little things, so you do what you can to keep the peace. 

You treat the narcissist so fairly, and they love knowing that they can get away with what they can.

They love seeing you give them the moral balance, and make no mistake, that will be one of the main reasons why they choose. 

#7 Because You Chose Them

Okay, hear me out…

You didn’t say, “Hey, I think I’ll tolerate heavy abuse from this person. Therefore, I declare you the love of my life!”

But…

…You have to be the kind of person that needs those traits. And I know what you’re thinking.

No, you don’t need abuse – but a part of you needed to respond positively to their charm.

You liked it. You enjoyed feeling valued. And all the times they listened to you pour your heart out about your past and everything you’ve been through, they listened.

It felt good to be heard finally, and you thought it would be different.

Only time proves you wrong, and by then, you’ve got yourself into a situation you’re keen to escape. 

So yes, there are elements of you that choose those initial feelings and gestures from the narcissist – just as much as they choose you.

8 Silly Mistakes Narcissists Make

Believe it or not, narcissists make mistakes every single day.

Just when you thought you believed the perfect image they portrayed, you’re starting to see through the cracks.

Oh, what fun that is!

Now, to see through those cracks, all you need is a little insight into what really happens when narcissists create huge errors for all to see.

And believe me, they can get very silly!

You Think They Are Perfect… So Do They!

When somebody presents you with this perfect image of themselves, it’s easy to believe it all the while those rose-tinted glasses are on. When you don’t see a fault, it won’t even cross your mind that they are less than the whole package. 

A narcissist will do this well because they don’t want you to see all the ways they’re actually as insecure as they are toxic. 

It’s like a show, right?

The show starts, and everybody takes a seat and watches the actors on stage. You don’t know what the actors are really like because you’re seeing them play a role; a character. 

It’s the same with all narcissists. They welcome you to your seat, and show you what you came to see. 

Eventually, that show is going to have to end. I mean, nobody can continuously act like that without their real character starting to come through.

The Horror!

It’s always a horror to the narcissist when they make a mistake. When something happens, you get to see the version of themselves that holds no color and no warmth. That’s when you realize what a facade it all is.

Catching them fail to be perfect means you have seen the real person behind the pretense. Furthermore, they are reminded in that single moment that they have faults.

8 Silly Mistakes Narcissists Make

Hey, don’t be surprised if you recognize your own situation in every single one of these points!

#1 They Are So Predictable!

The longer you get to know a narcissist, the more you can start to see patterns in their behavior.

You know at the family party, they’re going to turn up and cause some kind of discomfort. You learn to dread those gatherings, but more so, you find yourself preparing for them.

Psyching yourself up, or remembering all the times before they’ve passed comment or judgment, or made you the butt of jokes.

The way they can destroy an occasion is astounding – but they do it so frequently and similarly that you can now actually call them predictable.

#2 They Tell On Themselves

Oops, did the narcissist slip up? I think they may have! Narcissists only have to say one word or phrase for you to see or hear the slip up.

No, I’ve never spoken to them in my life.

Really? The same person I saw you with at the office last week?

I told you I didn’t want to go.

No. I have a text here from two weeks ago saying that you were looking forward to it.

Narcissists tell on themselves all the time, if you let them just fall into their own traps. Making it easy for them to do so gives you far more ammunition when it comes to fighting your half of the conflict. 

Narcissists only think they’re clever, but if you scratch beneath the surface, you’ll see them make mistake after mistake.

It’s hilarious!

#3 Confession Time!

A narcissist will tell you everything about themselves the second they start projecting onto you.

You’re so narcissistic! Stop trying to control everything!

Nobody likes you! You’re not worth their time.

You are so frustrating. I wish you’d learn to love yourself more!

When you are stuck in the midst of these kinds of comments, it’s hard to really understand them to be any other way than pure insults.

Once you learn about projection, you learn that narcissists use it to put everything they feel about themselves onto you so they don’t have to deal with it themselves.

This constant denial is hurtful at the time, because it seems as though you can’t do a thing right.

In actual fact – the mistake is the narcissist assuming you’re anywhere near as toxic as they are. 

#4 No Reason Anger

Shout, shout, shout.

Rah, rah, rah.

Noise, noise, noise.  

What’s it all for? Give me one good reason?

The narcissist can’t.

It’s anger for absolutely no reason, but it’s aimed at you to make you feel like you need to say sorry.

For what?

You didn’t do anything wrong.

When the narcissist becomes angry for no reason, they make the silly mistake of trying to lure people into the drama. 

Some will fall for it, yes. Once you start awakening to narcissist abuse, you will probably find yourself walking away and shaking your head.

Because it’s just not worth it. 

#5 They Underestimate You

Underestimating you is a huge mistake. Imagine thinking that you can’t do a fraction of the things you’re actually able to do – with ease!

Not only that, but this is also about character.

When a person wants to break you, they can take you to hell and back trying. If you remain steadfast in your response and do not let it get to you, you will end up being severely underestimated.

#6 They Don’t Commit To The Change They Promise

This is when you start to see the narcissist for who they really are.

Those promises made that are continuously broken will form a pattern for you. And no, it doesn’t work out the way you hope because that happens when hope fades to disappointment. 

You want somebody to commit to you, and love you for who you are. And all the ways they say they will be there for you to be true and followed through with.

You soon learn to not trust them, even though they are yearning for you to be faithful and stick by their side.

It’s too late when you open your eyes and see the narcissist, not the charmer!

#7 Believing They’re Perfect

This one almost makes me cringe.

Narcissists all believe they’re perfect. 

They adore themselves on the surface, and convince themselves that they have no flaws at all. 

That’s a lot to uphold, don’t you think? Especially when the mask can slip so easily…

#8 Believing What They Say is True

A narcissist’s voice is their favorite song. I’ll go one deeper than that:

A narcissist’s voice is their favorite ever sound. 

Nothing beats it.

They’re always right and believe anything they say is true. 

Nobody can convince them otherwise, and if you so much as question, then more fool you.

Well, actually, more fool them…

…One day they will be proven wrong, which will be their most embarrassing moment to date!