Cheating is incredibly contentious to a narcissist. They assume that because they’re not out being physically intimate, that they’re not creating a problem for themselves or your relationship.
So why are they so quiet and secretive? What are they hiding, and why does it make you feel like you’re witnessing red flags live in action?
Because you probably are.
Here are 5 red flags that prove the narcissist is silently cheating on you.
You won’t see the evidence, you’ll feel it
Not everything has to be staring at you in the face for it to be true.
Wrapping yourself up in a relationship with a narcissist eventually leads to forgetting how to trust yourself and your thoughts or feelings.
It’s why gaslighting is such a common form of abuse, and why it’s so effective in damaging the self-esteem and perception of reality of the victim.
So feeling that something isn’t right will probably be met with the instant excuse that you’re just imagining things.
You will learn how to respond to your own uncertainties by developing the voice of the narcissist in your mind.
Dangerous, huh?
It doesn’t ave to be this way, and these five red fags are a great place for you to start in terms of spotting when the narcissist is silent cheating on you, and how you can both admit it to yourself and come to terms with it all.
#1 Simmering on the line of flirting without crossing it
When a narcissist is constantly dancing on the line of flirting without actually crossing it, you know you’ve got yourself a problem.
They think they’re not doing anything wrong because they’re still on the other side of that line, but whose line do they mean?
You have standards and morals, right? Your boundaries are that you’d never even get close to it, and you expect the same level of respect back.
They won’t give it to you. They don’t care about your boundaries.
What you’ll see is the narcissist always looking for opportunities to drop an innuendo, or may give a look to somebody they think is attractive, knowing it hurts your feelings every time.
You know the worst part? This is what they do in front of you. Imagine how that manifests when you’re not around!
You have to have a little conversation with yourself here, because if they’re okay with this, they’ll be far more likely to cross the line if given half the chance. It’ll be like you and your relationship with them doesn’t matter at all.
Is that fair?
No it is not.
#2 Keeping their options open
If a person was happily with another, there would be no need to keep any options open.
As far as I’m concerned, potential love is closed! But that’s just not my opinion, that’s what love is!
Narcissists can silently cheat by allowing themselves to appear available to others, even if they aren’t.
Exclusivity seals the deal, and I’m sorry but this just shouldn’t be happening.
Unfortunately, it does. Narcissists like to have a little pool of options because they convert to little pools of supply.
With their eyes always open to opportunity, they’re never to be trusted.
#3 Building emotional intimacy with someone else
Emotional cheating is still cheating.
It didn’t mean anything.
Nothing happened.
We were just talking.
She was easy to talk to.
We only went for coffee twice.
She is just a friend.
Don’t listen to any of this. Friends aren’t secret people on phones. Having feelings for somebody else and acting on them in terms of connection and spending time together is cheating. The narcissist is having their cake and eating it.
If they’re building emotional intimacy, they’re wanting to use that person as somebody they can rely on for support. If they’re doing that with them, they’re not doing it with you.
#4 Suspicious phone activity
Why are you hiding your phone?
Good luck getting an honest answer.
Phones are always hidden when they don’t want you to see what’s happening on it.
There will be new locks, passwords, being online at random times without acknowledging your texts, and a plethora of new apps popping up.
Phone activity that changes will always have a good, strong reason behind it.
Why do they need to be on there as much as they are? Who are they talking to? What’s so interesting that it takes them away from spending time with you?
You won’t like any of the answers. And while I don’t think it’s cool to go through anybody’s phone, I also don’t think people should be purposely hiding them from their partners.
I’d hedge bets that some serious cheating is going on behind it all, and if it’s silent, that doesn’t mean it’s not happening.
Don’t ignore the signs, people. This is a huge red flag and should be treated seriously. I know you’re used to making excuses for them, but this time, you need to pay attention.
#5 Getting defensive
Ooh, what’s wrong? Did I touch a nerve?
I bet you did! You asked what you thought was a good question, but to them, it couldn’t have been more wrong.
As a result, you’re seeing them jump back and defend themselves to the highest possible.
If they’re so innocent, why are they defending themselves this strongly? I’d say they were trying hard to cover up something they should be feeling guilty about, and are instead having a go at you for daring to bring it to the surface for discussion.
It’s not cool, and is a red flag in itself. Having nothing to hide should mean having a pretty transparent level of communication, right?
And if your partner suspects something, it should be easy to just explain something, rather than create unnecessary drama.
Then again, that’s not typically narcissistic behavior. You’re far more likely to experience tantrums with them, so they take out your concerns on you.
Answering them would be much easier, but that’s an ideal world in which narcissists will never be able to live and thrive.
Narcissists hide cheating, and if you suspect, they panic.
Silent cheating is cheating
I don’t care what the narcissist says to try to convince you otherwise, you have to remain rooted in a high standard for yourself.
If you are treated like an option rather than a choice, you are going to act like an option.
By that I mean you will allow their behavior and make excuses for them when they get caught out.
You’ll learn to ignore the red flags, you’ll learn to suppress your gut feeling and act like nothing’s really going on.
There won’t be any noise, but there will be evidence burning inside your heart and mind, and that’s where you need to remember that silent cheating is still cheating.
When you get to the point where you are experiencing this, I urge you to ask yourself if it’s really worth it.
Will things change? Will you find a way out the other end and grow from it? Will they be accountable and apologize?
You already know the answers deep down.
You’re worth more.
