Things That Make Narcissists Lose Their Mind

Narcissists can lose their mind in many different ways (depending on their audience!)

Sometimes, they can smile through gritted teeth as their mind falls apart. Other times, they inflict rage on whoever is close by (normally a spouse or family member).

Often the question is asked:

What is it that makes the narcissist lose their minds?

Is it something you’re aware of that you’re doing, or is it just you? Believe me when I say – both are possible.

Let’s see exactly how…

When You Reclaim and Establish Firm Boundaries

If a narcissist has spent a long time getting away with pushing and pulling you around emotionally, they’d better prepare.

The shock that comes with you beginning to stand up for yourself and voice what you will and won’t put up with will sting. 

And like all people when they’re stung, they will holler and scream in pain.

Well, the narcissist isn’t going to admit that your boundaries cause them pain. Like anybody unwilling or unable to express their emotions – they will resort to anger.

You learning to say ‘no’ will be the grace you give yourself to breathe and reaffirm your control. The narcissist on the other hand will feel their minds spinning.

What do they do now they can’t walk all over you?

If You Deny Them Any Gratification

Why aren’t they paying me my due compliments?

Why won’t they ask me ‘how high?’ when I say ‘Jump’?

I have to make my own dinner because they decided to go out?

They were awful at that even last night. They hardly spoke to my coworkers.

Narcissists need you to need them. They want you to want them.

But…

They will never, ever ask for it. They expect it. 

It’s all part of their inflated ego syndrome, and why this type of personality disorder is so troubled and beyond help. Narcissists are no good just getting through the day. 

They want the social media likes. 

They want the sponsors from you for their next ‘adventure.’

They want you to comment on their obvious weight loss/haircut/whatever it is.

But more than want – they need it. 

If you start to dance to the beat of your own drum and forget to offer your gratuitous words – they will crumble. 

Implying They Need Help

Do you need me to help you?

Can I support you through this?

Do you need a loan?

Oh my. Talk about rattling their cage.

How dare you insinuate the narcissist is weak in some way?

They don’t need your help, they will get by just fine without you, thank you!

Just think about what your offer of help does to their ego. It’s seen as a threat to them. The idea that you have something they need. Not only that, but that you’d just give it to them and feel good about it?

No. They’ll take what you are offering when you don’t ask, and make you feel terrible for not asking.

Asking for or accepting help is the ultimate sign of weakness to the narcissist. They are all for you circling them and giving them attention, but not if you want to show off about it. 

That’s for them to do. 

Leaving Them

Hands up who has ever left a narcissist?

(I feel like I need to ask how you are!)

But also – sheesh. It was hard, right? I mean, it wasn’t straightforward. It came with many, many challenges, and where are all the people you used to know?

They aren’t around. That’s because you chose to embarrass and discard the narcissist – their absolute fear. 

Narcissists hate abandonment. It triggers every insecurity they secretly have about themselves. Your leaving ignites all the reasons why they secretly despise themselves. 

If they knew the relationship was going to end – they probably wish they’d got in there first and spread lies about a fake infidelity. Narcissists being dumped means you’re ripping their main source of supply from their stubborn, cold hands. 

Now what will they do without you?

Lose their minds!

Shaming Them in Any Way

Shame leads to the potential to defame.

It’s meant to rhyme because it is my little song to you.

It’s catchy and you won’t forget it, especially after you do it to a narcissist.

Shaming them in any way will awaken the beast. 

I can’t believe you missed that shot!

Are you blind?? That was terrible parking!

Har har – you spilled your drink! Do you need a napkin?

Of course, we all tease each other. We all tolerate it on a healthy level because hey, we’re human and we all make mistakes. We trip over, we spill stuff, we forget to put the bins out. 

You’ll know a narcissist when you know you can’t tease them. Your words will hit like a freight train, and totally derail them.

Prepare to take cover!

Refusing to Argue or Explain

Oh yes – this is a good one.

So you finally decided to cut away from conflict. You feel the air thicken, you want out, you cut out. 

You aren’t interested, because you know what ends up happening. Instead, you refuse to get drawn in. 

I’m not going to argue with you today.

I’ve said my piece.

There is nothing left to explain.

You’re cutting them off. The more into a fight you get, the higher they climb. Preventing them from taking another step up, they won’t know what to do. 

Narcissists like the view from the top of Conflict Mountain. If you build a barrier to prevent access, they’ll hate you for it. 

Highlighting Their Insecurities

Balding hair, slightly shorter than average, Not skilled enough for that management position; insecurities come in all forms. 

Narcissists like to bury their insecurities deep down and hide them with lots of supply from you, or anybody else willing to give it. 

So… Now you speak of these, and they feel bad energy building up in their chest. They want to explode and throw it all back in your face (they likely will). 

There won’t be a good ending to anything you say that raises their insecurities because they’re ashamed of weakness. That’s why they always want you to present as weak – so they don’t have to. 

Laughing at Them

Yeah – this is the worst thing to do. I mean, if the narcissist is making a joke, you’re laughing with them. That’s what they want. 

You’re laughing at them if they do something that makes them look foolish.

Different story.

Different ball game.

Different consequences for you.

Watching the narcissist lose their mind can bring people certain elements of joy. I try to diffuse people from finding joy in their misery, because it can come with a price tag attached. 

Save yourself the hassle – avoid what you can.