Narcissists do a lot of things. They hurt. They inflict emotional pain and misery.
They confuse, lie, and cheat. They purposely take what is not theirs, all because they feel it is owed to them.
They will isolate you, and gaslight you. They will destroy your dreams and crush your confidence.
BUT…
…Today I want to talk about what the narcissist never does.
Turning the tides like this is going to give a very interesting insight into the mind of a true narcissist.
#1 Say Sorry
Hold on a second, I am just checking the narcissist’s dictionary.
P, Q, R, S….
…Sorry.
No. It’s not there. It’s gone straight from sinister to snappy.
Okay well, to know it isn’t in there is to know they never use the word. They don’t even know it exists!
To be sorry would be to admit they did or said something wrong. Maybe (probably) even hurtful.
Expecting an apology would be setting yourself up with very high hopes. You aren’t special enough for an apology, but neither is anybody else.
#2 Admit They’re Wrong
I would love to be present the first time a narcissist ever holds their hands up and admits they’re wrong.
I messed up!
It was my fault!
How can I make it better?
I feel terrible!
No, no, no and no!
If they did, it would mean they’ve suddenly developed a talent for self-reflection. They would be putting themselves in the position of being mindful of others – and – well – just no.
I don’t know of a single narcissist in history who happily admits they were wrong. To them, being wrong is a sign of incompetence and weakness.
Never!
#3 Follow Through With Promises
A promise is a lure.
A lure is a false security.
A false security becomes your reality.
Your reality never makes sense.
The narcissist’s promise is going to sound wonderful. You will look forward to the day it comes true, and you dream about it happening.
The narcissist, at some point in the future, will forget they even made the promise in the first place. You’ll wonder if it was all a dream – but your idea of reality comes crashing down.
Narcissists never follow through with promises. In short, they use words to keep you close. They use words to make you trust them. They use words to pretend to want the same as you so you feel you have ‘so much in common.’
#4 Be Emotionally Consistent
The narcissistic personality is largely comparable to a rollercoaster. There are ups, downs, twists and turns. Dealing with it is also filled with, “When will this be over?”
It won’t be over.
Narcissists are not emotionally consistent because that would be boring and predictable. They like to keep you on guard, with maximum opportunity for you to feel anxious and eventually depressed.
Emotions are unregulated, and this is because the narcissist was never taught to explore all of theirs. There is deep shame in vulnerability or sadness, so they cover them up with anger or grandiosity.
For you or I, it’s awfully strange to witness, but it creates this feeling of walking on eggshells around them.
Never knowing what mood they will be in is so damaging to even the most stable of people.
#5 Stop Gossiping
Narcissists live and love gossip. If there is something to talk about, they will be the ones in the middle of it all.
Gossip to them is like fuel. Talking about how bad somebody else’s life is, or a mistake someone made only makes them feel better about themselves. If they can hear or catch wind of someone else’s pain, they are going to relish in it.
After all, if people are talking about that person, then they can’t possibly be talking about them.
To the narcissist – this is better than good!
Another day, another sidestep.
#6 Forgive
Just like sorry – forgiveness is not in their dictionary.
While they expect everybody else to forgive them, the narcissist doesn’t offer the same grace to others.
Forgiveness to them, is a sign of weakness. It means you hurt them and got away with it. Forgiveness is akin to permission to hurt again – and that is simply unacceptable.
Denting the narcissist’s pride is going to be something they will remember forever. Just when you think they’ve forgotten, they will remind you.
Hey, remember that time you did this?
Remember when you did that?
Yeah. You do. How can you forget when you’re being constantly reminded?
#7 Take Responsibility
Never ever will you see a narcissist tell you that they were responsible for something bad.
On the contrary, they will literally hold their hands up and say, “Nothing to do with me.”
The chaos they can whip up is truly disturbing, yet they firmly deny playing a toxic part in it.
Be cautious of this- it’s one of the biggest red flags!
#8 Be Truly Vulnerable
Vulnerability is a sign of weakness to the narcissist.
All the narcissist wants is to be strong, be known as strong, and nothing else.
Think about it. If the narcissist in your life ever exuded weak traits, would they be abl to manipulate as much as they do? Would they demand control in all aspects of your relationship?
Absolutely not!
They can’t. They’re fearful of being hurt. In fact – it goes beyond fearful.
It’s a real phobia.
Remember that underneath the facade lies a very insecure person. Sometimes it’s hard to think about because they’re so often obsessed with being the big ‘I am.’
#9 Express How They’re Really Feeling
They don’t want to, and they don’t know how to express how they feel.
As mentioned above, vulnerability is all about expressing how one feels, being open and honest. Now, don’t mistake this for every emotion—it isn’t.
Narcissists are great at expressing anger. Rage. Impatience. Self-importance. Disinterest.
These emotions are all reactive – something has to ignite those feelings.
Anything that involves looking deeper, at what’s really going on underneath the surface – forget it.
#10 Love You
They might say they love you and genuinely love you in their own capacity.
It isn’t love though.
It’s their version of it, which comes with conditions and control.
I love you when you…
I’ll love you if you…
When you do this, it makes me wonder if I love you…
Love is unconditional. It means accepting that you are not in control (we can’t help who we love). The narcissist’s fear of not being in control is a huge part of their personality. They prefer to have everything ticking along the way they want.
Love is not on their agenda. People are merely pawns they can utilize.
