The word failure is in every dictionary – even the narcissists. They don’t like that it’s in theirs, because it shouldn’t be.
Nothing negative should be in the narcissist’s dictionary – only good words, strong words, and words all about them.
Everything is all about the narcissist.
Their failures are never seen as such in their own eyes, and if anybody tries to dig out snippets of information to contradict that – heaven help them.
Lucky for you, you don’t need to do any digging today.
I want to talk with you about the things narcissists will never admit about their failures.
In order for that, we need to make sense of what the word failure means to them…
Failure is Hard To Navigate
Listen, I won’t pretend. Let’s talk about us for a moment.
When we fail – how do we cope?
Well, that largely depends on how we were raised, and what we are taught about failure as a concept.
For me, I used to struggle with failure. I read the word, and associated it with the end of something.
If I tried, and wasn’t successful, then that book would be closed forever. No second chances, no hope of a reattempt.
It’s clear that I was wrong. Failure is not trying once and never being able to try again. If that were the case, literally nothing in the world would exist.
Failure to me now, is more about exploration. It’s the volume of curiosity you apply to a goal, and if you aren’t that curious, failing once will be enough to put you off for good.
If you’re really curious, failure can become more about opening your eyes to another way to try.
So, if you take your driver’s test and you don’t pass, instead of never driving again, you think about what caused you to fail, and how you can work on that for the next time.
Check your blind spot.
Indicate.
Keep your distance.
Work on what caused the problem. Admit that there is a problem…
…Something narcissists can’t do.
The Narcissistic Need For Success
We all want a little success from time to time. Life can’t all be bad, can it? We have to see a little back to feel like we’re getting somewhere!
Narcissists don’t think this mildly. They’re hot on success, and if they fail, that’s where you’re going to notice a change in them.
You’ll mostly see them unable even to admit their failures.
Success is their only option, failure’s not!
So, what happens when they clearly fail? And what do they never admit?
#1 That It Was Their Fault
Everybody stop what you’re doing!
The narcissist really screwed up, and they want to tell us all about it, in detail!
I mean, that’ll be the day, right? Never going to happen!
I don’t personally understand this, because I can’t look through a narcissistic lens, but I wonder how many of you have seen this kind of scenario play out in your own life.
Literally, you could be at a gas station, and the narcissist is holding the nozzle filling the car with the wrong type of gas…
…And they still wouldn’t admit that they failed to look at the type of gas they were filling before they started.
Your car dies, and the narcissist shrugs and says, This is ridiculous. Why are you being so irrational about this?
Because it was your fault! And you have now damaged the car!
It’s no use.
You may as well be shouting to yourself.
#2 Help…?
No. It’s a call you won’t hear from a narcissist unless they just need a little favor.
Real help is not going to be a request of theirs. They’d rather appear self-sufficient and hyper independent – something they learned to be in childhood when their caregivers should have paid them more attention.
That’s why they always reject people who offer to support or help in some way.
I don’t need your help, thank you!
Help? I know more than you!
You’ll notice how defensive they can get as soon as you try to ask them or offer your services.
They want to say:
You? Help me? I don’t think so!
#3 They Project Them Onto You
If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, you may have experience on how hard they can be on you.
You need to work hard and get the right grades in school so you can go to college and get a fantastic job.
The pressure will be on.
As you pass it all, and start to think about which college you want, there are some narcissists out there who are capable of stopping you from working toward your dream.
They don’t want you to succeed.
Take a look at them for a moment. I bet they’re working some job that they hate, or that doesn’t quite fit the bill of what they wanted for themselves.
They’ve seen you grow into this person who is smart and who has their intelligence unlocked.
And now you have big dreams, as you should. But they’re cut down, like a tree in its prime.
There are narcissists like this in the world. With egos as big as the sun but nothing to really show for it, you know? And yeah, there will be the majorly successful ones out there, but I’m not talking about those.
Not all narcissists are rich, and not all narcissists have successful careers.
There’s no way they want you to be more successful than they are. How incompetent do you want them to look?
How dare you dream big?
Let me tell you. Their failures in life are not your problem. If you have a light inside you that shines particularly bright, it will be hit hard and tried to be dimmed by the narcissist at every opportunity they have.
It’s up to you to make it not happen.
#4 Think About Patterns
What led to the failure? What brought the narcissist to this point today; their character scattered among the failings?
Narcissists aren’t going to own up to what got them there.
What decisions they made that caused the failure.
The actions they took.
The impulsive way they ignored the risks.
Or sadly, even the unrealistic demands they made of themselves.
They think they could do better than they did because that’s their high and over-inflated perception of themselves.
When failure is obvious, everything else before the failure starts to light up.
And that can be a really dangerous thing for the narcissist.
So, what do they do?
Well, they refuse to admit failure in the first place – much easier!
