It pains me to have to paraphrase a narcissist. Even as I type out the words, I am forced to hold down the vomit.

What especially makes me sick is how they have the nerve to justify themselves after saying or doing something majorly appalling.

And guess who suffers from it?

You!

I say no more!

Not only do I say it to you, I actually care enough to withstand the tide of nausea and offer you the things narcissists say to justify their behavior.

I just hope your stomach is stronger than mine…

Nothing That They Say Matters…

Not to them, anyway. The words that fall out of their mouth will naturally be a toxic blend of charm and chaffing, but that doesn’t mean you have to believe them, or accept those words for face value.

In truth, nothing a narcissist says matters because they’re coming from such a place of mental distortion.

Their realities are messed up, but they don’t want to admit it, or let you know where the weakness lies. 

What they tell you is so enriched with drama and spitefulness that you will believe them. Words cut deep.

When they act or speak in these ways, you’re left with hearing certain things from them – and they’re all an act of self-justification.

“I Didn’t…”

It didn’t take me long to need to hand out the vomit bucket!

I didn’t.

Come on. 

Of course you did. 

We all know you did.

Even the neighbor’s cat knows you did.

Narcissists always do the thing they say they didn’t, but they expect you to listen when they try and worm their way out of it.

There is no justification for an act of unkindness, and no way to speak about escaping what those acts can do to people. 

“I’ve Been Stressed At Work”

And?!

We all get stressed at work. We run later than we’d like. People don’t communicate with us.

Projects don’t go according to plan. We get sick and need to take time off—whatever it may be. Stress is not just for those who are toxic.

Stress is an excuse for those toxic to hit out at you (sometimes literally) and make you feel bad.

Then they have the blinding nerve to try and say, “Well hey, I had a bad day,” and shrug it off.

No. It doesn’t work that way at all. As a couple, you can work through stress together, instead of using it as an excuse to snap or bite at somebody who cares about you.

“I Work Hard, I Play Hard”

So, they’re late home again and aren’t answering their calls.

Where does this leave you?

You might be calling, wondering, or even checking local traffic on your phone if you’re starting to get overly anxious.

Why is it the narcissist gets to have all the fun by themselves, without giving you a second thought?

Is their time spent with anybody else in particular? What kind of threat might that look like to you?

And when they finally return home, they blame you. Somehow, people, the fault belongs with you. Can you believe it?!

Listen, I work hard, so I have every right to enjoy myself.

How very ‘them and you’ of them!

“I Had a Difficult Childhood”

Difficult childhoods leave extremely deep scars, and can make creating and maintaining relationships complicated. 

If you had a challenging childhood, the chances are you’re aware of it and aim to work on what it meant for you.

This means examining your self-worth, confidence, and beliefs about yourself and the world.

Narcissists prefer to run with the painful narrative that they were unfairly treated, and use it as an excuse to unfairly treat you. 

Holding their hands up and saying, “Things were so tough for me,” runs (or should run) thin.

You must put the inner work in if you want something to work with another. That’s not easy, but in doing so, you admit that you’re not perfect.

You don’t hand the responsibility over to anybody else, and that’s what narcissists do when they justify any bad behavior. 

“You Do It, Too”

Oh, right. It’s like that, is it? And what exactly do you do that’s so terrible?

Perhaps once in twelve years, you were late home from work. The narcissist will never forget that one time, because that’s all they need to justify their constant tardiness. 

They will if they can blame you and drag you into the fray. It’s how they cope with being the bad guy, so if they’re swimming in dank waters with somebody else, then it won’t seem half as bad!

“You’re Always On My Back!”

Are you, though?

I don’t think you are, and I don’t even know you.

To them, you’re on their back, but to you, you’re caring. You’re inquisitive. You want to talk.

These are normal things emotionally healthy people do in relationships. If a narcissist feels threatened, or if you’re digging too deep, they won’t tell you they feel too vulnerable.

Instead, they will tell you to back off.

“I was Fine Until You Started Asking Questions”

Again, it’s your fault if you try to engage with them. So what do you, as a victim, do?

Likely, you back right off. You sign up for the acceptance that you’re “too much” for somebody, and you leave them alone. 

Then…

You don’t care about me! You don’t pay me any attention!

Oh, right. Here we go.

So literally nothing you do works, but somehow they always get to justify that.

“You Needed To Learn a Lesson”

No lessons need to be learned through acts of abusive behavior. The only thing that needs to be learned is how to treat people right, which certainly doesn’t need to come from you!

“It’s Your Fault!”

Straight out, directly accusing you of being to blame.

It’s a favorite narcissistic phrase, and it’s meant to hurt you. It’s meant to pass what they’re carrying onto you, so they aren’t weighed down by it. 

You see how whatever you do, you’re always in the wrong, even when what you do is absolutely nothing?!

“It Just Builds Up”

Whatever builds inside the narcissist is down to them to regulate – not you. 

If they’ve got a lot going on, it’s their lack of admittance of a problem and continued effort to maintain a perfect image that keeps the buildup from being able to escape. 

Either way – you’re not the one to blame when that build-up bursts. If you’ve been left hurt by words or actions – the narcissist shouldn’t be able to get away with it by saying that it was a consequence of too much going on at once. 

How To Outsmart The Narcissist?

Outsmarting a narcissist might seem like something you would never be able to do.

Think of all those times that toxic person has made you feel small, or even nothing. The idea of outsmarting them won’t come naturally to you, right?

Wrong!

You can absolutely outsmart a narcissist. They won’t see it coming, they won’t see you coming – and it will be a shock to their narcissistic system!

Finding ways to outsmart a narcissist can be fun, and it will put you right back in control of your life.

So, let’s see a show of hands to see who’s with me?

Narcissists: The Truth Behind the Mask

Narcissists! 

You’ve likely encountered them at some point in your life, right? That’s why you’re here!

Narcissists walk into a room and act like they own it, even if they’ve just walked into your kitchen. It’s incredibly frustrating.  

Masters at creating a toxic air of confidence and superiority, narcissists hide behind their mask. Behind it all? Insecurity and neediness!

You know it well, I’m certain!

Narcissists can be charming and persuasive when they want to be. 

They’re also incredibly convincing at it. 

But don’t be fooled. 

Their charm is a well-rehearsed act designed to get what they want, whether from you or from others.

They thrive on control and manipulation, and will do what it takes to continue this weird game of human chess they are experts at. 

Understanding the core of a narcissist is crucial for all of us – especially you. 

Beneath all charm and smiles, they are often fragile. They fear their true selves being exposed – and they do all they can so that doesn’t happen. 

This fragility makes them dangerous, but it also makes it possible to outsmart them. 

Once you know what exactly is lurking behind the mask, you’ll be much better equipped to deal with their toxic tactics.

They Think They’re So Clever!

Narcissists believe they are the smartest person in the world, and nobody else compares even marginally. 

They convince themselves of this, and do their best to convince others too.

They use their quote-on-quote “intelligence” to dominate conversations and situations, which only makes others feel inferior. Is this a familiar story to you? 

It is to so many people, sadly.

The narcissist has a deep sense of superiority, which acts as a double-edged sword. 

Yes, it fuels their confidence and bravado. But also, it makes them vulnerable to being outsmarted. If you think about it, anybody can outsmart them, and it certainly doesn’t take much at all. 

Their arrogance blinds them to their own weaknesses, which can backfire on them!

What does this mean? Well, it means the narcissist can sometimes really underestimate others. 

Good news for you though – as this overconfidence is where you can find your edge.

Dealing with a narcissist requires more than just holding your ground; it’s about understanding their playbook and using their own tactics against them. They think they’re so clever, but with a little knowledge and strategy, you can turn the tables.

You? Really? …

Yes! Really!

You’re here because you’ve had enough of the narcissist’s mind games, right?

Outsmarting them is now a healthy option for you, and you should definitely do all you can to do it.

If the narcissist is your friend, boss, family member or lover – the time has come to regain control and peace of mind. 

You’re so not alone.

Many people struggle with how to handle narcissists effectively. 

The key? 

Outsmart them!

Let’s get to the good bit…

How to Outsmart a Narcissist

#1 Be Firm – Set Your Boundaries!

Narcissists are known to thrive on pushing limits, no matter who they belong to. Oh yes, expect boundaries to be constantly tested. They will look for your weakness and then exploit them, until now, that is!

The first step in outsmarting a narcissist is to get your boundaries as firm and clear as possible. This means being completely transparent about behavior you will accept, and what behavior you won’t.

Don’t stop short at setting boundaries, you have to enforce them too. When that narcissist attempts to walk all over them, you have to calmly and consistently push back. 

Make your language clear – and assertive. No, they won’t like it, but hey, this isn’t about them anymore, is it? The less emotion you apply, the better. After all, narcissists feed off any kind of reaction.

Composure is key, just like consistency. 

#2 “Gray Rock”

The gray rock method is such an empowering tool when dealing with any narcissist. 

The idea of gray rock is to make yourself as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible.

You might think that sounds easy but it does take a little practice to get it just right.

Remember, narcissists crave drama and seeing you act ‘overly-emotional.’ By being boring and unengaging, you deny them that very satisfaction they seek.

Bingo!

When they try to provoke you, be bland. Be the human equivalent of vanilla.

Avoid showing anger, frustration, excitement – any of it. Over time, they are strongly likely to lose interest in trying to manipulate you because you’re not giving them the fuel they need.

You’ve become so boring!

No…. I am just doing my best to outsmart your attitude…

#3 Deflection – Master It!

Narcissists love to put you on the spot – it’s their attempt to make you feel uncomfortable. 

One way to tackle this is to master what I like to call the art of deflection.

Whenever they try to criticize or undermine you, that’s when you redirect the conversation. Ask them a question that shifts the focus back onto them or onto a neutral topic.

I’ll give you an example.

They criticize your decorating work at home (how predictable, right?) 

Now you respond with, “Interesting point. What do you think about the weather lately?” 

It sounds crazy, but it really throws them off and totally stops them in their tracks. 

#4 Information is Preparation!

Ah yes, narcissists will often use misinformation and lies to manipulate everybody else. 

You can outsmart them here by being well-informed and prepared. Do your research, re-check facts, and even have evidence to back it all up. 

Many people I know have been known to write down information or revert to old texts for screenshots to prove their points. 

This will all reduce the narcissist’s ability to use deception against you.

This is all about concrete information – and who can argue with the facts?

#5 Gather Your Support System

It’s not uncommon for narcissists to isolate their victims to assert themselves and gain more control.

You can maintain a strong network of people you love and trust. Seek support from anybody you know who may understand the situation you’re in, and who can provide advice.

Encouragement is also heavily advised here!

Having that crucial support system will help you stay grounded in your reality. When a narcissist is trying their best to get to you, you have people you can rely on to turn to. 

Let’s start unlock that potential!