Things Narcissists Say in the Beginning

Ah, the beginning. 

The beginning is the one time you aren’t going to see the narcissist standing in front of you. You’ll instead see a sweet, loving, overly complimentary person vying for your attention. 

Getting to know a narcissist is like being hypnotized into believing they aren’t wearing a mask. It’s when they convince you they are the best thing you’ve ever had.

All your dreams will come true. They will promise the world and stop at nothing until you’re firmly emotionally attached to them.

I want to help you sidestep a narcissist by looking out for key things they say in the beginning.

You can avoid disaster!

Push and Pull Like the Tides

Narcissistic relationships are built on the push and pull of one person (the narcissist) and how that push and pull affects you.

Their sole aim is to control you. They do this with their moods, how they act toward you and the covert acts they commit right before your very eyes. 

This push and pull can be extreme, and the pulls can feel amazing.

So much so in fact, that you get hooked pretty quickly to their energy. You think it’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before. You don’t want to be without it, even if it means tolerating the pushes…

Red Flags

You’ve probably all heard of red flags, but I wanted to bring them into the picture here. Ultimately, red flags can come in the form of seemingly positive messages. 

The narcissist’s love bombing may seem far from the warning signs you’d be used to looking out for. The shouting, the snapping, maybe even the violence. None of that exists in the love bombing stage, after all, what’s loving about all of that?!

Love bombing is a red flag in itself. Noticing that will keep you clear of any opportunity to get caught up in any ‘beginnings.’  

It’s Never Too Early to Leave

Listen, even if you did get caught up, I want you to know something. I have told dozens and dozens of people this in the past, and it will never ‘not stand.’ 

It’s never, ever too early to leave somebody. If something feels off, if their love for you is extreme and too much, if they promise you overwhelming things – you might feel the narcissistic ick.

If you do – leave. 

It’ll be the escape you deserve. 

You Don’t ‘Need’ Anybody

Nobody does.

Nobody should need. A need to be with somebody in any relationship signals a more attached relationship style. Attachment is how narcissists keep people, with the idea that one cannot live without the other.

The Most Common Seven Things Narcissists Say in the Beginning:

Let’s Go Away Together!

What an exciting thought, to be swept up by someone incredible and taken on vacation. They may even label it an adventure – reeling you in with all the lights and buzzes of a city break somewhere. 

When someone wants to go away with you, it usually means they see you as someone fairly serious to them. Aligning with the concept of you being special enough to take away, of course.

This kind of suggestion is the narcissist’s way of getting you on your own and making you feel as though they are the only person you want to be around.

I’ve Never Met Anybody Like You

Ah, yes. That old chestnut!

Narcissists love to use this line. It cherry picks you from a crowd of other potential love interests and sets you apart from them.

It puts you in a league all by yourself.

All by yourself. 

This phrase is another tactic to isolate you, so you return the feeling to them. Phrases like this are an invite from the narcissist to match what they say so they feel as loved as you appear to feel.

I say appear because, well, it;s never love where narcissists are concerned. 

You’re The One

A closed deal, isn’t it? “You’re the one for me,” really means, “I’m going to do all I can to keep you forever because you’re a really good source of supply.”

To the innocent eye, ear and heart, hearing this would be wonderful. Finally, you’ve found the person you were meant to find. 

Your soulmate. 

Soulmates encourage independence, growth, and the nurturing of one’s identity. They compromise and are loyal, showing affection and honesty with their emotions and feelings. 

Narcissists tick none of those boxes. Remember – love is not conditional. 

You’re The Answer to All My Problems

Sorry, what?

It sounds like it should be a good thing, but if you scrub that gold-plated surface, you’ll see nothing but cheap metal. 

All my problems?

How many problems do you have, exactly?

How can one person be the answer to all that’s wrong in their life?

Do they need a new car? Do you have a lot of money?

Do they need a palace to stay, and you have your own apartment?

Think about what that could really mean, and run!

I Want to Get Married and Have Kids

Sure. That’s enough to prepare anybody for such a huge, important step.

Hearing words like this is very flattering. It means somebody sees you as the person they would trust with their children. It means you’d make an excellent parent – it flatters. 

What’s not to love about hearing something so wonderful?

Of course narcissists will say this in the beginning. Because they want you to see the long-term with them and go nowhere. 

Move in With Me?

Eeek. How long has it been? A week? A month?

Don’t move in with anybody at the beginning of a relationship. Barely knowing somebody yet being willing to give up your personal space for them is a big and unhealthy ask.

It’s a risk all in itself.

Narcissists love to say this because they don’t have boundaries – but that doesn’t mean you don’t or shouldn’t. 

Don’t isolate yourself and fall into financial dependence by agreeing to this. 

That’s exactly what they want – you to rely on them. 

My Life Was So Hard

Oh dear. It’s not that you shouldn’t care. It’s that you should be cautious.

You’re hearing one side of one story, and if you find they are oversharing much too soon, you should listen to your gut.

Narcissists want maximum sympathy. They also want to line up a plethora of excuses for their future misbehavior by being able to say, “Well, I get impatient because of…. X Y Z.”

Narcissists love to repeat their hardships initially but take them with a pinch of salt. They’re likely to be heavily edited, exaggerated, or entirely made up. 

No.

There should be no oversharing.

There should be no excuses.