So you’ve reached the end of your rocky road with the narcissist.
You walked it mostly alone, and the soles of your feet are sore and chapped.
You’re tired, low and isolated. Your family isn’t around for support because you haven’t seen them in so long.
The narcissist looks as though they’re about to do or say something though. You’ve a feeling it’s not going to be good..
I’m here to confirm that, with these classic things narcissists do when their relationship ends.
Why it’s Usually You Who Will End the Relationship
Narcissists are rarely the ones in the relationship who will call time.
Secretly fearful of abandonment, they do all they can to keep you. Not because they love you, but because they need you.
They don’t want to be alone. All that does is raise their levels of insecurity to the surface; something they’re always keen to avoid.
They let you end it.
Why?
So they can be the victim, of course!
You Say it’s Over…
You’ll come back!
You’ll never hear from me again!
You’ll regret your choice!
The narcissistic rage will transpire from your news that you’re leaving them.
It was likely a huge decision that didn’t come easy to you, but you’ve finally put yourself first. Now comes the hard part – their response.
They will either completely discard you and act like you never existed, or they will obsess over telling people you were the problem.
They may even go as far as to lie and say they ended it.
Never put anything past them.
Job Posting: Flying Monkey / Salary: Nil
Come one, come all! Your country needs you!
Well… the narcissist needs you.
Are you skilled in being a flying monkey?
Can you dedicate real time to listening to and sympathizing with the lies of a narcissist?
Will you sign this contract to declare your loyalty to them?
It’s what they do.
They will ‘hire’ whoever they can to spill their beans to. You’re a terrible person. You have issues. They did all they could. You were the love of their life. They worked hard for this to work. They’re devastated.
Flying monkeys will appear.
You Will Lose People
Unfortunately for you, this means you’re going to lose people. People you thought were your support system. Coworkers, friends, and saddest of all – even family. You are going to have to deal with a lot of changes in dynamics as the narcissist takes to the streets to win people over.
The more they win, the more you will lose.
It is a way to isolate you. The narcissist wants to punish you for leaving them. How dare you even contemplate it?
Instead of being sad that you’ve left, they’re enraged that you’ve taken away their own main source of narcissistic supply. They were able to control and manipulate you all this time and now, in a puff of smoke, you’ve gone.
Don’t think you’ll get away with it for long.
The Smear Campaign
Smear campaigns are unreal. They are the most frustrating things to happen to a person. As if it wasn’t challenging enough having to endure the relationship with a narcissist! Now you have to endure them bringing multiple people into further lies and deceit.
A narcissist will start a smear campaign by spreading lies about you. How you destroyed the relationship. What a terrible person you are.
Anything you accuse them of, they will throw right back in your face and accuse you. This is done to damage your reputation. You thought it was good, because you are a good person.
The narcissist has other ideas.
Sadly this can result in seeing people talk about you, even online. You see they have the wrong idea about you, but nothing you say or do is going to cut through the lies the narcissist told.
The worst part about smear campaigns is that the more you protest your innocence, the crazier you’ll look.
Tips for Dealing With a Smear Campaign
- Don’t feed into what they are trying to manipulate you with
- Pick your battles
- Stop trying to persuade everyone you’re a good person
- Stay true to who you are
- Seek support from trust others
- Try therapy
How Can You Make it Better For Yourself?
Most people learn the hard way that they have more control than they think.
Yeah, getting sucked into the vortex of narcissistic smears is horrific, and once you’re in it feels impossible to get out.
As people ignore you, or speak ill about you, you feel like you are crumbling. Let’s be honest – this was the intention of the narcissist! They want to see you fall down and not get back up.
To them, it’s your ultimate punishment for abandoning them and allowing everything they hate about themselves become official.
You don’t have to put up with it.
It can be as simple as choosing yourself over everything else going on.
The hate, the lies, losing friends or family – none of it is easy. It’s a real grief process.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, and people everywhere are walking away from the drama knowing they have a life to live.
Be Happy it’s Over – Even if it’s Hard!
When narcissistic relationships end, you will be faced with the challenge of breaking free from more than just one person.
The narcissist is like the queen bee, and all their workers will be buzzing around talking about the incorrect way you broke up. They will make a lot of noise that you need to learn to shut out.
Your well-being relies heavily on how you respond to different situations. If you keep returning to this ending and wondering what you could have done differently, you’re wasting your time.
Don’t Blame Yourself
You did all you could to make this relationship the best it could be.
Narcissists are never in it for the love, they’re in it for the attention and for the Karma at the end of it.
Their aim becomes how they can make you suffer, but your real Karma is that you are free. Even if it doesn’t feel that way.
Choosing yourself is how you start to heal. Choosing you over them is how you claw back your identity and build your self-confidence.
The best part of something ending, is the idea that something better is going to begin. That might not be a relationship immediately. As you recover, you will learn things about yourself and grow in your experience.
Narcissists will do all they can to destroy you as your relationship comes to an end.
It’s down to you to stand your ground.
