What do you think is the heaviest thing a person can carry?

You might be thinking of a bag of rocks or a sack of sand. It isn’t anything tangible at all.

The one thing that will anchor you and weigh you down is, in fact, a grudge. 

Holding onto one will prevent you from moving on – so we work to let them go, right?

Narcissists are wired completely differently. They never get over several things, and that grudge stays with them for life.

It’s time to introduce you to those things.

I hope you’re ready.

The Grudge Of All Grudges!

When a narcissist proves to you that they not only have a grudge but can cling to it, it’s hard not to see comparisons with children. 

You’d think after a period of time or reflection that, the feelings will pass, but the narcissist actually purposely keeps that resentment alive for a very good reason.

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They want to punish the person who caused the grudge in the first place. 

Was it you?

How dare you!

Was it somebody else?

How dare they!

Grudges are famously never let go of, but the narcissist enjoys that aspect of unforgiveness.

Never getting over something allows that thing to stay alive as if it’s still happening. 

But Why?!

Okay. I’m going to give you a little list of reasons why narcissists never get over certain things. I’m sure none will come as a surprise to you at all.

• They’re impossible to please.
• Their entitlement doesn’t allow for forgiveness
• They feel the world constantly owes them some kind of favor
• They like an excuse to have a problem or cause drama

Prepare For The Things Narcissists Never Get Over…

#1 Hating You For Exposing Them

If you were to stand up and tell the world the truth about the narcissists in your life today, you’d never be forgiven by them.

It could be as simple as telling a friend something the narcissist did to mistreat you. If it gets back to the narcissist, you will never hear the end of it. 

You see, narcissists look to you as the one person who will always be loyal, who will always defend them, who will never leave them.

The moment you even slightly run the narcissist down, they’re never going to forget about it.

They will punish you by making you feel guilty for breathing a single word.

I wouldn’t even put it past the majority of them to try and get some kind of revenge by spreading lies about you. They do this because it’ll take the heat off of them.

The moment you expose a narcissist, there will be hell to pay, and your act will be considered a huge betrayal to them.

You didn’t wait for their mask to slip. 

You pulled it off.

#2 No Longer Being Able To Use You: Losing Control!

It pains a narcissist to know that you have escaped their controlling and toxic clutches!

If it weren;t so destructive, it’d be a little humorous to see them so uncomfortable in the shifting of dynamics they had little to no say over. 

Losing control is their biggest fear. Imagine somebody so obsessed with game playing that they don’t care about ruined lives. Imagine living to break people down. 

Now imagine not being able to do those things because you refuse to allow them across that boundary a moment longer. 

Narcissists don’t know what to do when everything they worked hard to keep the way they wanted has changed.

They will rebel and punish whoever they can. They will throw your name under the bus if it means they get to have their own back on you. 

Using you is how they learned to survive. Without you, their character is dying. 

#3 Bye-Bye to Supply

Hey! You’re their number-one source of supply! Like food or water, they needed you to stay alive.

The way they drained you of everything joyous or happy so that they can feel it within themselves instead will no longer be so.

Narcissists will never get over you leaving them. Not because they will miss you, or they thought you were the one for them…

…But because what you offered them is now gone. 

The forgiveness.

The loyalty.

The patience.

The ‘okay, you’re right’ times.

The tolerance.

The attention.

The sadness you felt when they abused you that they soaked up.

The obedience.

They got away with acting as though the world was just you and them.

The jealousy you gave them when they dangled the bait of envy. 

Every single way, you made them bigger than you.

Every single way, you put them first. 

It was all supply, and it all meant the world to the narcissist because without it – they crumble. 

Now that supply is no more, you will face the wrath. They will display their anger at you leaving.

They may even work to show you how ‘disappointed they are’ that you chose to leave, like you’re a child getting into trouble. 

You’ve truly seen everything when you see the narcissist act this way. 

They won’t get over the abandonment you placed upon them – that one thing they fear the most.

Abandonment acts as a kind of confirmation that they really weren’t good enough for you.

As this is a thought of theirs they struggle daily with in secret – you brought it to the surface.

That is unforgivable. 

#4 Failing To Understand How You Can’t See Their Greatness

I’m great! 

Look at me!

Don’t you know how lucky you are?

I am so good at everything I put my hand to!

Oh, spare me. I’ve heard it all before.

Yes, we know how great you think you are.

In reality – they’re not, though, are they?

They are the same as everybody else when it comes to skillsets – yes, some things they are good at, others, not so much.

Trouble brews when you tell them that.

The horror.

The shock.

What do you mean I’m not great? 

How dare you?!

Well, let’s call a spade a spade here. 

Letting a narcissist in on your thoughts will spell trouble, and if they know you see them as not-so-great, you’ll be in their bad books.

They will extend this offense into all the things they claim to do for you.

I’m great because I make sure all the bills are paid!

I’m great because I work hard to take care of the house!

Very admirable – but you’re a narcissist – so you’re actually a pretty terrible person, no matter how many bills you pay or whatever latest gadget you buy for the kitchen.

If you were to put them in their place, they would never forgive you.

10 Things Narcissism is, and What it’s Not!

Don’t you just love the phrase, ‘It is what it is’ ?

It covers almost every eventuality and allows people to just say, “There’s nothing you can do about it.”

There’s nothing you can do about narcissism, either.

A person is narcissistic or not, and sometimes, that can get a little muddled.

Today, I want to talk about that very thing…

What narcissism is, and what it most definitely is not.

What is Narcissism?

Often, it’s a word thrown around to anybody who annoys another person.

Oh, they’re such a narcissist!

Have you seen them on their latest vacation? What a narcissist!

Another selfie! What a narcissist!

Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat. 

True narcissism is more than a selfie or a vacation somebody you know is on.

It’s deep, and it ruins lives. 

That’s not an example of drama – this is the truth.

Narcissists ruin lives wherever they go. They tear families apart, ruin friendships, bring the conflict to work with them – and the fallout can be huge. 

Narcissists are assholes, but also – assholes are assholes, too.

Sometimes, we need to take a step back and see the difference between somebody hellbent on sending you to therapy and somebody who is just a miserable person. 

#1 Don’t Get Confidence Twisted

We all want to be more confident. 

We all love to see confidence in others. 

Let’s look briefly at what’s real, and what’s fake about confidence. 

Real vs. Fake

Real confidence is always perfectly described in a story about a guy I went to university with. In a lecture one day, the tutor talked about some heavy stuff, and I could see the puzzled looks of my fellow students.

This guy, I’ll call him Jake, raised his hand and said, in front of nearly 100 other people:

I’m really sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about. Can you please explain it another way?

This is a level of confidence like no other. The fact that somebody was confident enough to admit without care that he needed a topic or concept reworded to help him was totally cool, and affected nobody. He was that sure of himself.

Fake confidence describes the type of confidence every narcissist has.

They want you to believe it’s real, but it’s shrouded in the reality that they’re deeply insecure, out to hurt you, and refuse to show anybody how much they hate themselves. 

#2 Anger – When Healthy and Unhealthy Get Clouded

We all get annoyed, let’s not pretend any different. 

When we get annoyed, we often take it out on the people we love, and we can snap.

But what’s important is that we say sorry and admit we made a mistake. We work on it, lessen our workload, and take some time out. 

Narcissists can’t regulate their emotions in the same way, and will never admit to being wrong. Instead, they keep the volume up, and their anger has no time for rest. 

#3 It’s Okay To Put Yourself First

Putting yourself first doesn’t mean that you’re a narcissist. It’s important to put your needs first when you need to, and think about your goals or dreams. You can’t pour from an empty cup, after all.

Narcissists never put anybody’s needs above their own.

They don’t know when to give somebody else center stage. Instead, they remain on it themselves, and to hell with everybody else. 

Know the difference between tending to your needs, and cutting everybody else off who may need your help.

#4 Appearance Isn’t Always About Narcissism

Hey, you can look after your appearance and look fantastic without being a narcissist. We need to do this now more than ever! We matter!

But a nice appearance shouldn’t be synonymous with a narcissistic character. 

#5 Ambition is Healthy! Too Much, Watch Out

Those goals you want and have should be worked toward, and nobody should stop you from aiming for them.

If you know you deserve it, then the sky is your limit. This is all about self-belief, resilience and confidence.

Too much of all those things ill point to narcissism, and if you are willing to trample over every good relationship you have in your life to get what you want, then it’s time to re-evaluate how much narcissism runs through your veins. 

#6 Charisma is Charming – Charm? Not So Much

It’s nice to be charismatic! Friendly, chatty, helpful, and trustworthy are fundamental traits in a good person, but let’s make no mistake about them.

Charm is not the same as charisma. It is real, and charm is just an attempt to make people believe you’re the type of person that you are, in fact, not. 

Narcissists exude charm, but it is very hollow, superficial, and cannot be sustained. 

#7 “I Love Myself”

Self-love is a half-trillion-dollar empire now, and there is an emphasis on loving who you are, faults and all.

Narcissists take self-love to another level. Number one, it’s not even genuine, because they actually hate themselves deep down.

Number two, they make up for fact number one so much that they try to overcompensate for it. 

Hideous? Yes.

But there’s nothing wrong with genuinely loving yourself.

#8 Cheating?…

Cheaters cheat, but not all cheaters are narcissists.

You hear a lot that narcissists will nearly always cheat because they can’t not get as much supply as humanly possible. 

Sometimes, cheating occurs, and the person will be highly remorseful.

Therapy occurs, reflection is possible, and you can work through it together.

It doesn’t happen with narcissists. They will cheat and cheat, anc throw your pain under the bus. 

#9 “Me, Me, Me”

People get wrapped up in themselves, don’t they? You see it a lot in this world as we have simply become busier than ever. 

Work is demanding, home life never shuts down, and we still have relationships to maintain, whether platonic or romantic. 

If hearing somebody scream from time to time about how their life is more hectic than yours, or how they have needs that are out of this world – the thought should arise that perhaps they’re struggling with juggling so much.

Before you try and tell me that this isn’t the same as the selfishness of narcissism – I am here to agree with you – and that’s my point! Truly, my point is – we all get lost in the matrix. It’s hard.

We say things we don’t mean. We snap, we judge, we complain, we yell; we’re tired. 

The difference between narcissism and non-narcissism is two things:

Remorse and apology. Both need to be sincere, and I truly mean that. 

Both need to be meant.

#10 Gaslighting? Not Always Narcissism

Gaslighting is a term that we all use when we’re describing narcissism, but there is a level of frustration that can accompany phrases like: 

I did not say that!

It might for instance, be a genuine thought from somebody that they forgot they said something. 

Gaslighting is intentional, and the make up and fabrication of lies is sent to destroy victims on the receiving end.