Some of us are generally more attractive to narcissists than others. Can you even believe that there are people out there who repel narcissists?!
Without wishing we were all those kinds of people, how about we start looking into the kinds of people narcissists love to manipulate?
Collectively, if we are able to see what it is that draws in toxicity, we can be more conscious of the kinds of people we allow around us.
Narcissists do have favorites, and I want to open your eyes to exactly what that means for you.
They Have a Favorite?
When you become a favorite kind of anything in the narcissist’s eyes, you’d better learn how to run for cover very quickly.
Usually, what this means is that you’re in the running for some kind of award that you really don’t want to be accepting.
You’re the person most likely to be a walkover.
The narcissist can get away with treating you like shit because you’ll keep forgiving them.
You make excuses to others for their bad behavior.
You listen intently to what they’re telling you, and you believe it.
They make you feel as though you’re not good at the things you love to do.
The list could go on and on, but essentially, they are the master manipulator, and you are the puppet.
Narcissistic Manipulation
Narcissistic manipulation starts from the moment you meet them.
What seems like quite a genuine meet cute ends up being the narcissist luring you into their world by pretending to like you and be interested in everything you have to say.
When you find the voice inside you that loves to be listened to, you finally feel loved and appreciated.
The charm then builds further, as the narcissist hooks you in and tells you how wonderful you are, and that they’ve never met anybody like you in their life.
You’ve hit the jackpot.
So, what is it about you, the victim of all of this, that allows for this intense manipulation?
The Victim Traits
People who are more likely to experience narcissistic manipulation usually fall into the following personality categories:
- You love to love. It makes you feel good to look after other people and boost their confidence even to the detriment of yours.
- You love to please people. If you can help in any way, you will sacrifice your own errands to make time for others.
- You accept any kind of affection, even if it is fleeting. Any kind of niceness toward you feels overwhelmingly good, and so it will do.
- You want to fix people. If they appear broken, you have just the right levels of kindness and compassion in your heart to help them heal.
- You forgive, and keep forgiving. If somebody has done you wrong, perhaps they just had a bad day or something. You prefer to see the good and believe the promises than look directly at the facts.
- You apologize a lot. If you have or haven’t done anything wrong, the way out that you’ve learned is by saying sorry and asking others to forgive you. This puts them in control the entire time, and leaves you powerless.
- It’s all familiar. No matter how toxic a situation is, as long as it feels familiar, you will keep falling into it.
I want you to read over those points a few times, and decide which ones fit your own character. Maybe more than one does.
There’s nothing your fault about being the way you are, but to know a narcissist is far more likely to manipulate you because of them will help you awaken to the patterns.
Why Some Are Good Traits
I don’t think it’s necessarily a good thing to be a people-pleaser, but let’s look at what that means.
Those who people-please just want everything to be okay. They want to see everybody happy, and if they can help make it happen, they will lend a hand.
I understand this to a point. We all want to live the kind of life where nobody we care about is suffering.
But when you’re on your last warning for being late at work and you’re choosing to stop and chat with people who are lost because they think you look kind, you’re building a rod for your own back.
You have to be kind, but if you refuse to put yourself first, everybody else will be happy, while you feel lost.
Your worth isn’t found in making the lives of others easy.
Now let’s glaze over empathy.
Feel it, and be the understanding family member or friend you want to be.
But don’t make a mistake – you can’t absorb everybody else’s energy and allow it to affect how you feel.
And Others? Not So Much
When you are overly forgiving, you’re basically giving the narcissist permission to say or do whatever it is they want without any need to reprimand.
For example – let’s delve into cheating. It’s not okay to cheat. If you’re with somebody, you’re with them alone.
If you want to be with another person, then end what you have. It’s pretty simple to me.
Narcissists love to cheat. They like any kind of attention, and that will mean sadly for you that yes, they do stray. So what happens when you find out?
They can deny, they can blame you for being jealous or paranoid, or they can just ask for your forgiveness and tell you that it will never happen again.
And you, the forgiver? You’ll agree to it. You’ll believe them when they say how sorry they are, and how they really do love you.
It was a mistake!
I was drunk!
I didn’t know what I was doing!
I regret it so much!
I love you, not them!
It meant nothing!
You hold them and tell them it’s okay and that you just want to move forward.
Now that’s the kind of trait that isn’t so good, but very easy to manipulate.
Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of being a walkover. You’re better than that.
Using What You Know to Help You
It can only be a good thing that you’re learning how narcissists operate, and the kinds of people they love to manipulate and control.
With any luck, you will be able to notice these traits within you and see them as a strength. Put a lid on them, instead of freely giving them to the narcissist.
With that, you start to have limits. Boundaries. Morals. Values for yourself. You can then be in a better place to say, “I’ve had enough of this,” rather than continue to be manipulated and made miserable by the narcissist you know.
The one thing that will make you a narcissist repellent is standing by what you believe in, and not being swayed by their games.
It’s either that, or you subconsciously continue to agree to be manipulated by the person who has already destroyed so much of your good character.
I would say knowledge is the better thing to have.
What do you think?
