Family dynamics become really obvious when you stop in your tracks and take a step back. You get the best view. You see yourself, your parents, any siblings; you’re all present.
But what’s your part in all of it? The role of the scapegoat is one that many resonate with, and there are gripping reasons why you become one in your family. It’ll be a case of, “Oh my God, it all makes sense now!”
Here are 12 reasons, and trust me, they are about as eye opening as this whole topic can get.
#1 You speak the truth
You hear me at the back? Yeah you do, because you speak the truth just the same as the ones up at the front!
Scapegoats are famous for wearing their heart on their sleeve and speaking up even when everybody else stays silent.
They look around at everybody else, and think, “Why do you all have closed mouths? What is this?”
Beyond that, the truth is a daily overspill, not just when it really matters. You say what’s on your mind, because why wouldn’t you?
You don’t do it to hurt people, you’re just the type of person to call a spade a spade, and you’ll gladly do that.
The narcissist wished they had your kind of courage, and they hate that about you.
Who knows when they will be subject to your truths? As a result, they will place you in the dynamic of scapegoat.
#2 You freely show emotion
Happy, sad, jealous, excited, scared, tired, content, calm, anxious, in love, out of love, bored, or full of joy; you freely show how you’re feeling.
It’s never in a way that overpowers those around you, but you just have no issue showing your emotions because you aren’t ashamed of them.
You view emotions as a part of life, and without them we don’t experience what we experience. You aren’t afraid to be you, whatever that may look like, and you’re proud of showing up for yourself this way.
If only the narcissist had half your courage to express themselves so openly, but they don’t. Instead, they hide behind a cloak of charm and bury their feelings, seen as weaknesses.
If they had half the choice, they would change that, but they know how impossible this is.
Therefore you are made to be the scapegoat, the one they can take that rage out on.
#3 You question authority
Your eyes dart around the room trying to get the attention of somebody else.
Your narcissistic parent is full of rage and abuse yet again, and you don’t think it’s fair.
You hear their double standards, you see how they unfairly treat you and try to stop you from doing something you like just because they said so.
And it’s not what you deem to be fair or right, so you question it.
How come you get to do those things and I don’t?
Why is it okay for you, but not me?
And you got the usual, “Because what I say, goes!” Or maybe, “All the while you live under my roof, you’ll do as I say!”
That’s not good enough for you, though, and nor should it be. The narcissistic parent sees you, and makes you the scapegoat.
#4 You’re great with boundaries
If there’s one thing that fully riles a narcissist, it’s a person with boundaries. If you have strong ones, you won’t be liked at all.
#5 You refuse to conform
The dynamics make you sick, and you just refuse to become involved with it all.
You see the narcissist (likely a parent) for who they are, and you don’t think it’s right.
You’re told to keep quiet about what goes on in the home to keep the image positive, but you think it’s all a load of rubbish intended to keep the narcissist away from exposing themselves.
Conforming, or doing as you’re told, is not in the rulebook of the scapegoat. Often, they’re perceived as the troublemaker, when in actual fact they’re just trying to shine a light on what’s really going on, and who people really are.
There’s nothing wrong with that – unless you’re the narcissist.
#6 You defend others
You’re doing the right thing, and I think that’s what gets lost on a narcissist.
If you’re defending others, you’re doing what you think is right without fear of repercussion.
Not only that, but you evidently rest strongly on your morals, something the narcissist doesn’t know how to do.
You are guided by what is fair, rather than the desire to always look perfect and uphold an image that you worked hard to create.
#7 You’re honest about pain
Why shouldn’t you be? Being honest about pain means you notice when things aren’t right, and you understand how wrong it is.
Pain is felt without shame or guilt, and you feel free enough to express your emotions.
That’s because you aren’t a shape that fits into the mold the narcissist has created for you, and you refuse to hide what’s going on inside you.
The narcissist finds that difficult because they cannot do this.
That shouldn’t be your problem though, right?
#8 You have a strong sense of justice
We all want justice when we understand the kind of unfair and imbalanced environment we all live in. We want these to blame to be held accountable, and those innocent to be discovered as such.
Anything else is nothing but a lie, and a lie that usually works to enhance the narcissist’s image or opinions.
You go against the grain and stand up for what you believe in, and that can anger the narcissist.
#9 You’re resilient
My goodness, somebody in the family fold needs to be, right? It can’t be that you all follow the narcissist’s rules and get sucked into their manipulation and game playing.
It takes one person to learn to get back up after you’ve been knocked down, and that inherent resilience is what the narcissist hates about you.
The best revenge is success, and the more you get back up, the more the narcissist will loathe you for it. It means they will never see you crumble.
#10 You’re genuine
Authenticity is the enemy of the narcissist. They have to go through their lives pretending, acting and hiding who they truly are, meanwhile you don’t care if you don’t come across as perfect, or right all the time.
You’re who you are, and what you see is what you get.
You’re the person the narcissist wishes they could be!
#11 You’re creative
It seems a little crazy on the surface to assume the scapegoat is creative, but that’s exactly what they are.
Think about it, you are the one in the family who loves to express themselves through creativity. Writing, drama, the arts, and you’re shot down because, “It’s not a proper hobby or job.”
Any kind of creativity is valid, and you are living proof that a person can enjoy what they love without feeling shame or guilt about it.
If only the narcissist could join you. Sadly, they don’t usually have an authentically creative bone in their body, as much as they pretend to!
#12 You have courage
There’s a special kind of courage people have that allows them the opportunities to stand up for themselves, or for what’s right.
I have heard accounts of the scapegoat doing exactly that, and not being afraid to hold their heads high around a narcissist.
You can imagine how much the narcissist would hate that. All they want is to be feared, but that doesn’t work with the scapegoat.
So if you’re considered the black sheep of the family, consider yourself to be a person with many strengths!
