I think so many people think they’ve got narcissists all figured out to the point where they feel they can handle anything.

Then what happens? Something to throw that entire belief right out the window! 

I want to reveal the absolute worst ways to deal with narcissists. These mistakes could sabotage your sanity and self-esteem in the long run. 

That cycle of frustration and pain doesn’t have to exist any longer! Don’t let these common pitfalls keep you trapped. Start finding out what NOT to do, and break free now!

Is There a GOOD WAY?

Well, believe it or not, yes, there is a good way to deal with narcissists. These ways take time, knowledge of narcissism, with an additional value to your self-esteem. 

I’ll save that for another time.

Minimizing Everything?!

The behavior of a narcissist is outrageous, can we just all agree on that for a moment?

Once you’ve stopped clapping in agreement, let’s look at what this means.

The narcissist you know treats you unfairly yet again. They say something that isn’t true, just to get under your skin. They devalue you to your face or behind your back because it’s how they learn to thrive.

And what do you do?

Oh, they’re just having a bad day.

They get like this sometimes. I just learned to brush it off.

I am thick skinned, I can take it!

It’s their way of trying to be funny.

They will be okay soon, they’re just letting off steam. 

No, no, no, no and no!

Excusing the narcissist is one of the worst ways to deal with somebody toxic. If you’re making excuses, you’re covering up the fact they’re treating you or somebody else terribly! Nobody deserves that.

Ignoring Boundaries

It’s time to get a grip of your boundaries and stop ignoring them. When you leave yourself wide open, you’re giving the narcissist the chance to hurt you and dismiss what matters to you. 

I know people do crazy things in the name of love – but abandoning yourself shouldn’t be one of them. 

It’s a terrible way to deal with narcissists, but allowing them into your personal space and prioritizing their desire to be in it over yourself is how you give your power away. 

The Power Struggles

With any narcissistic relationship comes the struggle for them to have all the power, and all of the glory. It’s only a struggle if you fight for it. 

I don’t want you to fight for your power, because you’d then be fighting for something you already own.

It’s your power! Retain it by being strong, not allowing the injustice of their behavior to win, and by cutting off the supply they’re so desperate to steal from you. 

It is not something you should be thinking about any more. 

And if they don’t like it – so what? It’s not your problem at all. 

Giving them your power only makes them stronger. 

Nobody in this world needs a stronger-than-present narcissist. We’re already sick of the regular ones we have…

Personal Attacks: Why They Won’t Work

You might think, in your moment of anger or frustration, that personally attacking them is going to make you feel better. And I get it, you want to VENT and let it all out!

What will it achieve? And I ask you this honestly. I know you might say, “Well you know what? It’ll make me feel better!”

You know what will really make you feel better? 

Getting the upper hand!

You know how to do that?

You limit their access to your emotions.

That’s all you need to do.

You don’t get to determine who triggers you. You don’t give anybody the right to provoke you, or mislead you into an argument that you were keen to avoid. 

• Personally attacking the narcissist will only drag you down to their level. That’s where they want you to be. They love that you’re lessening yourself in order to please them.

• Personally attacking a narcissist makes them in control of you. They know they can push a button, and you will do this or that.

• Personally attacking a narcissist allows them the permission to do it as often as they can, knowing they can manipulate any given moment in time. 

Instead – think about ways in which you can switch off as much as possible.

No Point in Placating!

Hey, I am so sorry you’re angry. What can I do to make it better?

Is there anything I can do to help you?

What support can I give you right now?

Do you need me to talk to anybody?

Let’s try to just take a moment and breathe, and work through it together.

I’ll stop you there for a moment…

What are you doing?!

Don’t placate the narcissist! Don’t try to turn them from a boiling pot of rage, to a simmering sauce – it won’t work. 

Yes, you might strike it lucky and succeed in showing them you can step in and ease their anger, but is that your role?!

No! You are not a fixer. You are not a people pleaser. Your worth is not defined by how you can mediate in interpersonal relationships!

Once  you start down this rocky road, you’ll find yourself unable to find your way back to the path of normality. The narcissist will soon rely on you to fix their mess and cope with what they cannot cope with themselves.

You are better than that – and you deserve to start turning that attention inward!

Blaming Yourself

Is it your fault?

You’d be shocked at how many people think it was. Now, I’m talking in general here. A lot of relationships with narcissists last a mere few months or a few years. Some last decades. 

Yep.

I know people who are coming (albeit very slowly), out of marriages with narcissists that have lasted almost 50 years. Can you imagine for a moment what that must feel like?

To have the majority of your lie taken up by somebody so hell-bent on sucking the life and soul out of you and leaving you so dependent on them?

Whether you were in it for five weeks or five decades, you’re going to feel the self-blame emotion on some kind of scale, right? And that scale is going to feel impossible to throw away initially.

Blaming yourself is useless. It also takes away your ability to genuinely believe you see good in people…

…It also takes away all the blame the narcissist should be getting!

Of course it wasn’t your fault, and one of the worst ways of dealing with them is accepting that you had some kind of “part” in this other than the hope of finding somebody special.