I don’t think anybody ever anticipates changing just because a certain person enters their life.
As it stands, narcissists are responsible for fundamentally changing anybody they get their claws into.
As much as I want to limit it to one type of dynamic, it can be any dynamic.
Narcissistic parents, friends or lovers; they all have the ability to change you forever.
Can you heal? Absolutely. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a part of you that will never be the ‘you’ that you would’ve been without them being around.
And it’s the worst part about them.
When the narcissist is all you’ve ever known
Just because something is familiar, doesn’t mean it’s good for you. As a kid, you won’t realize that.
You’ll just grow up having to tiptoe around this parent, and do as they say to keep in their good books.
In return, you’ll be given breadcrumbs of a little love from time to time, but mostly you will have to work to earn any kind of love.
If you are born into a family with a narcissist as a parent, it will be all you’ve ever known.
That can be a pretty dangerous thing when you see the familiarity and channel it into a normal part of life.
If you’re lucky, you’ll get some.
Being raised by a narcissist is a sure way of changing without even understanding what that means until you’re much older.
When you meet the narcissist
As for meeting the narcissist, well, you will at least know who you were before you met them.
At first, they will be the most charming person you’ve ever met in your life, and the promises they make will give them the illusion that they’re all your answers of prayer rolled into one.
Over time, that will change’ you will change. Eventually, you’ll be a shadow of your former self, and you won’t know how it happened.
The thing is, it doesn’t just happen overnight, and that’s where it can be tricky to even notice.
Where you once smiled, you now keep your head down. Where you once said yes, you say no.
Where you once wore that dress, you now hide away in joggers.
These are consequences of having your entire confident character you had before stripped from you.
Either way, your life with them becomes normal
There is something unfair about how quickly life becomes normal with a narcissist.
Where you think you’ve struck gold soon becomes the premise for misery and pain.
The days become less colorful, and as the grey sets in, you don’t challenge it, instead, you adjust your eyes accordingly.
Normal can hurt, and normal can last a lifetime if you don’t make drastic changes.
Even when the narcissist is long gone, say, after a break-up, going through that type of abuse will change who you are forever.
You will always reflect on it as the toughest time of your life, and every decision you make from then on out will be based upon a new version of you that now exists.
Changing from who you were meant to be
So the big question is, who were you meant to be? Who was the person the narcissist took, and replaced them with the worried, pained, traumatized version of you that exists now?
If there wasn’t that person who entered your life and stole your zest, who would you be today?
What would your mantra be? How much resilience would flow through your veins?
You will never know, but that doesn’t mean you can’t build the image of a person you want to be, and make that be your goal in life.
If you want to achieve a happy outcome, you must look to only what you can control, and not at a past that is filled with anything but happiness and opportunity for you to grow authentically.
Changing through loving them
Love shouldn’t really change a person for the worse. If anything, it should be a chance to grow for the better, after all, love is supposed to feel amazing!
When you love a narcissist, you love every part of them, even when they’re showing their worst moods, most negative traits, and most toxic self.
Why? Because you long and wait for the fragments of time they are nice, and that’s what keeps you there.
The consequence of loving a narcissist means you abandon your entire self as a result.
You forget what matters, because you’re so intent on making sure the narcissist is happy, and has everything they need.
Nothing is ever quite the same
Life, you might say, feels as though it has a constant veil over it.
You never really look at it in the same way a person who has never been in an abusive relationship might do.
Some might call it a tinge of sadness, others may refer to it as a guard that is almost always ready to shoot up if need be.
You grieve, not just for the life you could have had, but for your future, knowing it will never quite be the way you want it to be; that innocent, carefree life you crave.
Awareness can heal, but scars remain
When you let go of the narcissist, you do so in the knowledge that they were no good for you.
You learned they broke you and made you a shell of your former self. There are tools to heal from that, and it always starts with awareness.
However, let’s be real. You can heal from abuse, but the scars will always remain.
That doesn’t mean you can’t lead a fantastic life and be happy, but you will always live with the memories of what it was like to live with them, and be under their abusive control.
Learning to love yourself through the pain
Some people live so confidently, that those who have dealt with a narcissist can find it confusing to think, “How are they doing this so easily?”
In truth, it’s all about living through different experiences, and having good people around you, and that’s the key contrast between a victim and a non-victim.
Victims have to learn to love themselves after all that, and it’s hard, some might say an uphill battle.
It feels like a constant work in progress to have to love yourself, and because it doesn’t come naturally, it can feel like hard work.
The narcissist radar: your future hope
It’s the one thing you’ve got that can help you steer clear of these freaks in the future.
I’d like to think this was being changed forever for the better. Having a narcissist radar built into your mind will help you spot the red flags before the narcissist even has a chance to really switch the charm on.
I’d say a tool like this can work as a real lifesaver as you can then start to look out for good people who you can grow with and rely on to be honest and loyal.
What a difference that’d make for you, right?
