I feel like we all need a guide these days, don’t we? Narcissists seem to be making themselves more and more known, and that’s because people like you want to learn about them.

Once upon a time, they’d get away with being toxic, but now, you’re calling each one out with your knowledge and courage.

So – for those of you who want that pocket guide – I can’t think of a better time than right now to provide you with one.

The ultimate survival against the narcissist is here…

Delivering What You Deserve

This is the entire reason that I’m here, and that The Narcissistic Life even exists.

Beyond my medical certificates, and all the work it took to get me to this point, is the dire need to express the importance of you, and why you matter. 

Surviving a narcissist means to live through the pain and trauma of unfair and unkind treatment, to get to a point where you are thriving.

That’s my aim with every single one of you who is somewhere in your journey of healing.

You might just be starting out, or you may be a little further along the way. Wherever you are – you’ve been through hard times, and you’re finding a way to overcome it on your own terms.

Narcissists: Break it Down

Let’s wipe away what society tells us.

Let’s push what family and friends have told us, because we all have different families and friends.

Let’s get to the facts. We can work with facts because facts are universal. 

Narcissists are emotionally unhealthy, dysregulated, and absent people. We’ve all heard of the bullet lists, and the signs and symptoms, but I want to talk to you human to human now.

They’re dangerous. They light up when you suffer. They tell you they love you or want to help you while taking something bigger from you. 

You know when you’re in the presence of a narcissist because you feel yourself getting lost to their ego. They’re always right and never want to admit fault for anything. 

You never know where you stand with them. One minute, they want to be your best friend, and the next, you hear them talking about you behind their backs. 

Being related to a narcissist is hard because they’re always around. Parties, meals, gatherings, events; they’re there. They make every one of those less enjoyable just by being present. 

Working with one is hard because you constantly feel that whatever you do isn’t good or unimportant.

You’re challenged, and made to feel inadequate at what you do. You dread going to work because you know it ‘ll be more of the same every day. 

Loving one is the hardest. When you choose to engage in a relationship with a narcissist, you do so under the assumption that they care about you, and that they want to protect you, and keep you safe. 

Getting Sucked In

That’s where most people find themselves getting sucked in. Narcissists are some of the most cruel people – and it’s never to be kind – it’s simply just cruel.

When you find yourself getting sucked in, it’s usually because they’ve switched on the charm.

There’s something magnetic about them. Their energy pulls you in and makes you feel like you want more and more of it. 

What Narcissists Do To You

Break you down.

Cause you to lose yourself.

Leave you never really knowing what each day is going to look and feel like. 

Blame yourself.

Make you think this is all you deserve. 

Stop letting you believe your opinions or thoughts either matter, or are even right.

I don’t speak of any of these lightly, by the way. The power a narcissist can have over your entire life is a power that you will never be able to understand unless you’ve been through it. 

But make no mistake – they intend to destroy you.

They don’t care what that takes. 

Survival: What Can You Do?

There are ways you can survive a narcissist, but for a lot of people who have otherwise been oblivious to narcissism – it can take years. 

When you’ve been left with nothing in your self-esteem bank, you will need to earn it back before you spend it on yourself. 

Here’s how. 

#1 Learn, Learn, Learn

Learn what narcissism is. Learn the kinds of people they are. Learn that none of it is your fault. Learn what attracted you to narcissistic characters. Learn the damage they cause. Learn how to heal.

You cannot do this half-heartedly. 

#2 Look After Yourself

The moment you believe that you don’t matter is the moment you surrender yourself indefinitely to the narcissist. Not just the one in your current life, but all narcissists.

To survive them, you have to spot them. To spot them, you have to know them. To know them, you have to know yourself. 

And to know yourself is to take care of your needs. 

#3 Know Your Worth

You will be told – both directly and indirectly – how worthless you are by the narcissist. 

I don’t want you to believe a word they say. While I don’t know you personally, I need you to understand how this is a toxic tactic used by narcissists everywhere to grind you down.

Your worth is not determined by anybody else.

#4 Know Your Reality

STAY IN YOUR REALITY ZONE!

I cannot stress this enough. Your reality is what you experience, think, observe and feel.

If those elements of your life are going to try and be changed by the narcissist, you’re going to need to have a tough conversation with yourself.

#5 See Your Future in Color

It’s possible that you can come from a narcissistic relationship and flourish into a colorful future. 

No victim has to lead a life of fear and crippling anxiety. 

Does it involve a lot of work? Yes, it does. 

I believe each and every one of you is up to the task. 

#6 Reach Out

Reaching out to trusted family and friends who can help validate your experiences with the narcissist, and make sense of it all with you is where you can start to find yourself.

Surviving a narcissist can be hard work, but with loved ones helping you along the way, you will be reminded of who you are and what you stand for. 

#7 Professional Help

There’s no shame in asking for help. Therapists are more trained in narcissism than ever before, and you can find one who suits you easily.

Whether your course of therapy is trauma, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), or a general talking therapy – you will find an approach that suits you, if that’s what you were looking for. 

#8 Most of All…

Give yourself the gift of time. It’s going to pass anyway, so you may as well spend it wisely on yourself rather than wasting it. 

If you can find the time to entertain surviving the narcissist, you will find your priorities shifting from trying to please them, to definitely pleasing yourself.

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives then have meaning, just as they feel they should every day.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.