Healing is the best thing I ever did.
I feel great!
It was so worth it!
I am finally free!
You’ll hear it all, and likely want a piece of it. Narcissistic abuse is a trap that many remain in that is actually more than escapable.
But when it comes to healing – there is a lot to be said. There is so much to learn.
Is it all good? Is it all bad?
It depends how you view healing in general.
I for one, can’t wait to delve in and tell you more.
The End Finally Occurs, And…
Now you get to heal. You get to comprehend. Reflect. Breathe.
Narcissistic abuse is no joke – and the end of it can leave you feeling a mixture of emotions. These can be hard to figure out all at once – but luckily you don’t have to do that.
Healing – Is It Always Easy?
Healing is worth doing for your own mental and physical wellbeing.
You can’t move on unless you’ve fully acknowledged and dealt with what you went through.
And anything worth doing is never always easy.
But healing is beautiful.
You will learn things about yourself that will empower you, and give you peace.
What They Don’t Tell You About Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
#1 How Lonely It Can Be
When you’ve been programmed to be isolated within any narcissistic relationship, suddenly being out of it can feel like a shock to the system.
Narcissists manipulate you into feeling as though you only need them – and that’s never fine. However, the dynamic is there all the while you are together. When apart, you can truly feel as though you have nobody.
Your circle of friends and family seem a million miles away because you’ve grown so distant from a lot of them. It’s not that they’re not there, but it’s that the disconnect has grown enough of a space between you that you feel so alone.
Healing is also something nobody can experience in the same way as you. Sure, they can be there for you, but they can’t know what it’s like to heal from narcissistic abuse.
You can tell them, but you can’t make them feel what you feel. For that reason yes, it’s incredibly hard to feel as if anybody is truly by your side.
#2 How Non-Linear It Is
The biggest mistake made when victims of narcissistic abuse begin to heal is that ‘every day will get better and better.’
Generally speaking, you will gain strength and empowerment over time, yes. But it’s like that song: three steps forward, two steps back. Healing is not linear. You will not skip along your path merrily, without a glitch.
There will be emotional days where your tears are the only things you experience, coupled with days where you feel guilt, shame, sadness and grief.
Did I do the right thing?
How will I cope?
Why do I still love them?
When will I be able to love myself fully again?
Why did it all happen this way?
And so on, and on, and on.
But… healing is happening. Even when these thoughts are arising. No, it might not feel that way, but what you have to remember is how much damage narcissistic abuse is capable of, and exactly how much credit you need to give to yourself for surviving it.
You are healing – even on the bad days.
#3 The Fear Can Seem Real
You thought you had everything worked out. There was a plan. You and the narcissist, forever. You were going to conquer the world and make it happen. You were going to get married. You were –
Hold on.
These were promises made by the narcissist, with zero intention of ever coming true. Healing will help you see that over time, but the fear of no longer having that future they carved out for you can seem so scary.
Now you have to imagine a life without them. The plans sewn into your heart will need to be replaced by other things. Other people. Other memories.
You’re scared of being alone, and you feel nobody will ever want you.
The fear of having to find somebody new, all over again.
And you know what I tell people who feel these things?
I tell them to slow down, and take it day by day. You fear because fear was rooted in you by a toxic person who had no right.
#4 The Time It Takes
You won’t wake up the day after your relationship ends and feel like a new person. You’ll likely feel exhausted, as if you are running on empty.
If only it took the same amount of time to fill up your soul tank as it did your car. Then again – if it did – I would be out of a job and you wouldn’t appreciate the healing journey as a whole.
Time is a gift, and if you treat it as such, you will not become impatient or feel helpless on the days healing feels slow or even stagnant.
Every day is another day closer to overcoming the abuse you experienced.
#5 Money Worries
You will only worry about money because you were programmed to fear it by the narcissist.
It’s what they do—and I hear it all the time about people being refused access to bank cards or told to never put the heat on if it’s cold, stop using so much water, and stop buying so many unnecessary groceries. You got a new coat? It was too expensive. Money is important; we can’t just fritter it away…
..I’ve heard it all in my line of work.
When your relationship ends, yes, you will feel completely fearful of spending, or how much everything costs.
#6 Left To Fend For Yourself
That’s how victims see it, anyway. You feel alone, like it’s you against the world. The one person you thought loved you, does not.
All the ways the narcissist controlled you has now stopped, and you are left having to think for yourself all over again. Something so simple can seem so overwhelming when you’ve had it stripped from you. You feel helpless, just waiting for somebody to save you.
You can save yourself.
#7 How Hard It Is To Explain To People
Explaining what you went through to somebody else may raise eyebrows. Imagine experiencing something so awful, yet all behind closed doors. The narcissist will have worked hard to ensure their image portrayed to others is perfect too, so that will make it harder for you to look for validation or support.
How to explain to somebody that you lost yourself and why will be tricky – but you don’t have to do it all in a day.
#8 How Ashamed You Can Feel
Don’t be ashamed to feel ashamed. Healing involves reflecting on a period of time where you were at the mercy of somebody else’s manipulation. At the time, you were unaware. You didn’t see it for what it was because you thought it was love.
They told you it was love.
And now you’re ashamed that you fell for it all. Ashamed of how lost you found yourself. Ashamed that you didn’t defend yourself sooner.
How could you do all of that when you were being abused?
Cutting yourself a large amount of slack leads to self-forgiveness.
