I know you really want them to be different, but they never will be. Narcissists are always going to be the same as they always were.
Nasty.
Vindictive.
Filled with toxic intent.
Overwhelmingly bad for you.
Inconsistent.
Oh, but the allure, right?
It’s time everything the narcissist can’t do for you is brought to light, so that you can affirm how much better off you’d be without them in your life.
Can I hear your chorus of agreement in the distance…?
I hope so!
Think You Will Be Happy?
Hope is a natural emotion when you meet somebody special, isn’t it?
Those butterflies come alive, and you wonder if this time, love will really come from two people meeting and spending time together.
Their charming and charismatic nature has left you feeling like the luckiest person on the planet.
They seem so attentive toward you, and in turn, they have answered all your prayers by simply appearing and gravitating your way.
How can anybody in that position possibly resist? Everything you ever wanted in a person is being presented to you, and so you fall. Hard.
You do think you will be happy, but it’s time to reveal all this charm to be nothing but a lie.
Still, the most astounding part is how many people kid themselves and hope (there it is again) things will change.
Are They For Real This Time…?
Falling out with a narcissist will happen at some point or another. Sometimes, all it takes is one argument to not see two people speak or meet again, and in others, there is a constant and common back and forth.
They tell you they can’t stand to be around you anymore, they leave.
They give you the silent treatment. Then they’re your best friend.
What brings the narcissist back to you after a conflict is two things:
Their manipulation, and your forgiveness.
This isn’t to say it’s partially your fault – you’d never consciously cause yourself more problems than not but, your forgiveness permits them to do it all over again eventually.
The main reason they return is because they work their toxic magic to win you back. Typically, this looks like:
- Tapping into your weaknesses. What do they know you love? Attention? Flowers? The theater?
- Choosing to profess their love for you in the wildest ways so that you adore and sink into the attention because it makes you feel loved again.
- Saying how sorry they are, and even taking the blame – two things they never do any other time that you practically beg them for.
- Promising to never do it again. This gives you… yep… you guessed it… hope.
So if you’re asking yourself, “Are they for real this time?”, the answer is a resounding no.
Do You Have Solid Plans Coming From Solid Promises?
… I’d say not. And I know that, yes, sometimes narcissists keep to their word. They have to, right? It’s in the unwritten contract that there has to be some kind of intermittent pacification otherwise there would be no reason for you to stay.
You want somebody to keep to their word, and in any kind of relationship, you will expect that. You’ll also be giving it, because that’s where your values rest.
Narcissists don’t have any values.
They only really pretend to value themselves (underneath it all ,they can’t stand who they are), so why would they value you?
Can you think of a time the narcissist in your life made you a promise that they knew meant a lot to you?
Maybe it was to take a day off work to spend together or to finish a project in the house.
Whatever it was, did it happen? Does it happen every time they step forward with a promise?
They can’t do it.
Chasing Them: Big No-No!
It’s what they want – but an act you must never do.
I can’t stress that enough. I know we can have our jokes about these topics, but this is where I get serious.
Chasing a narcissist will only end badly for you.
It takes away your dignity, pride, control, willpower, and the opportunity for you to head in another direction to find happiness.
It’s easy to forget who you are when you constantly put somebody else before you. These types of people are who the narcissist loves to find and use – those who don’t mind being at the bottom of the well being pile.
Knowing that you are never thought of in a caring or considerate way leaves you feeling worthless.
So where do you go, in search of your worth? You learn to look everywhere else but inside yourself!
As you’re chasing the narcissist down to beg them to love you again – you’re not thinking about you, and all the ways you are abandoning your own heart.
So I ask you, in fact no, I tell you – don’t do it.
The Love You Need
I hate ending topics on anything that might trigger you to believe you aren’t worthy of love. I want you to remember that this has nothing to do with you.
The love you need will not come from a narcissist.
The love you need has to begin inside you, and if you’re too busy wanting it from them, you’ll always be self-abandoning.
You’ll always be looking for ways to fill the void that you need to initially fill yourself, before you can offer your love into the world.
When narcissists come into your life, they do so like a gust of welcome wind after a spell of still weather. They shake you up, and it feels exciting. You wonder where they’ve been all your life; they will do and say everything they can to reinforce those thoughts.
All the special words and actions will surface.
You think, “This is it. This is my life now. I’ve found my person.”
The connection will feel so strong.
Then change will bring you back down to earth with a thump.
The change happens with the narcissist, but they make it feel like it’s something you did wrong.
They act aloof. Their anger begins to rise. They become inconsistent with their communication, actions and promises. They start to blame you for little things. They criticize you.
Over time, you believe them more and more, until you abandon yourself to believe them.
And the worst part?
You believe that every single step of this is love.
Love isn’t supposed to make you feel this way. It’s just not.
It’s an emotion that, when returned back to you, makes you feel valued, safe, secure, and like you’re in a trusting union.
Narcissists will never be able to give that to you.
