I know you really want them to be different, but they never will be. Narcissists are always going to be the same as they always were.

Nasty.

Vindictive.

Filled with toxic intent.

Overwhelmingly bad for you.

Inconsistent.

Oh, but the allure, right?

It’s time everything the narcissist can’t do for you is brought to light, so that you can affirm how much better off you’d be without them in your life.

Can I hear your chorus of agreement in the distance…?

I hope so!

Think You Will Be Happy?

Hope is a natural emotion when you meet somebody special, isn’t it?

Those butterflies come alive, and you wonder if this time, love will really come from two people meeting and spending time together. 

Their charming and charismatic nature has left you feeling like the luckiest person on the planet.

They seem so attentive toward you, and in turn, they have answered all your prayers by simply appearing and gravitating your way. 

How can anybody in that position possibly resist? Everything you ever wanted in a person is being presented to you, and so you fall. Hard. 

You do think you will be happy, but it’s time to reveal all this charm to be nothing but a lie. 

Still, the most astounding part is how many people kid themselves and hope (there it is again) things will change. 

Are They For Real This Time…?

Falling out with a narcissist will happen at some point or another. Sometimes, all it takes is one argument to not see two people speak or meet again, and in others, there is a constant and common back and forth. 

They tell you they can’t stand to be around you anymore, they leave.

They give you the silent treatment. Then they’re your best friend.

What brings the narcissist back to you after a conflict is two things:

Their manipulation, and your forgiveness. 

This isn’t to say it’s partially your fault – you’d never consciously cause yourself more problems than not but, your forgiveness permits them to do it all over again eventually. 

The main reason they return is because they work their toxic magic to win you back. Typically, this looks like: 

• Tapping into your weaknesses. What do they know you love? Attention? Flowers? The theater?

• Choosing to profess their love for you in the wildest ways so that you adore and sink into the attention because it makes you feel loved again.

• Saying how sorry they are, and even taking the blame – two things they never do any other time that you practically beg them for.

• Promising to never do it again. This gives you… yep… you guessed it… hope.

So if you’re asking yourself, “Are they for real this time?”, the answer is a resounding no.

Do You Have Solid Plans Coming From Solid Promises?

… I’d say not. And I know that, yes, sometimes narcissists keep to their word. They have to, right? It’s in the unwritten contract that there has to be some kind of intermittent pacification otherwise there would be no reason for you to stay.

You want somebody to keep to their word, and in any kind of relationship, you will expect that. You’ll also be giving it, because that’s where your values rest.

Narcissists don’t have any values.

They only really pretend to value themselves (underneath it all ,they can’t stand who they are), so why would they value you?

Can you think of a time the narcissist in your life made you a promise that they knew meant a lot to you?

Maybe it was to take a day off work to spend together or to finish a project in the house. 

Whatever it was, did it happen? Does it happen every time they step forward with a promise?

They can’t do it.

Chasing Them: Big No-No!

It’s what they want – but an act you must never do.

I can’t stress that enough. I know we can have our jokes about these topics, but this is where I get serious.

Chasing a narcissist will only end badly for you.

It takes away your dignity, pride, control, willpower, and the opportunity for you to head in another direction to find happiness.

It’s easy to forget who you are when you constantly put somebody else before you. These types of people are who the narcissist loves to find and use – those who don’t mind being at the bottom of the well being pile. 

Knowing that you are never thought of in a caring or considerate way leaves you feeling worthless.

So where do you go, in search of your worth? You learn to look everywhere else but inside yourself!

As you’re chasing the narcissist down to beg them to love you again – you’re not thinking about you, and all the ways you are abandoning your own heart. 

So I ask you, in fact no, I tell you – don’t do it.

The Love You Need

I hate ending topics on anything that might trigger you to believe you aren’t worthy of love. I want you to remember that this has nothing to do with you. 

The love you need will not come from a narcissist. 

The love you need has to begin inside you, and if you’re too busy wanting it from them, you’ll always be self-abandoning.

You’ll always be looking for ways to fill the void that you need to initially fill yourself, before you can offer your love into the world. 

When narcissists come into your life, they do so like a gust of welcome wind after a spell of still weather. They shake you up, and it feels exciting. You wonder where they’ve been all your life; they will do and say everything they can to reinforce those thoughts.

All the special words and actions will surface. 

You think, “This is it. This is my life now. I’ve found my person.”

The connection will feel so strong. 

Then change will bring you back down to earth with a thump. 

The change happens with the narcissist, but they make it feel like it’s something you did wrong.

They act aloof. Their anger begins to rise. They become inconsistent with their communication, actions and promises. They start to blame you for little things. They criticize you. 

Over time, you believe them more and more, until you abandon yourself to believe them.

And the worst part?

You believe that every single step of this is love.

Love isn’t supposed to make you feel this way. It’s just not. 

It’s an emotion that, when returned back to you, makes you feel valued, safe, secure, and like you’re in a trusting union. 

Narcissists will never be able to give that to you. 

How To Outsmart The Narcissist?

Outsmarting a narcissist might seem like something you would never be able to do.

Think of all those times that toxic person has made you feel small, or even nothing. The idea of outsmarting them won’t come naturally to you, right?

Wrong!

You can absolutely outsmart a narcissist. They won’t see it coming, they won’t see you coming – and it will be a shock to their narcissistic system!

Finding ways to outsmart a narcissist can be fun, and it will put you right back in control of your life.

So, let’s see a show of hands to see who’s with me?

Narcissists: The Truth Behind the Mask

Narcissists! 

You’ve likely encountered them at some point in your life, right? That’s why you’re here!

Narcissists walk into a room and act like they own it, even if they’ve just walked into your kitchen. It’s incredibly frustrating.  

Masters at creating a toxic air of confidence and superiority, narcissists hide behind their mask. Behind it all? Insecurity and neediness!

You know it well, I’m certain!

Narcissists can be charming and persuasive when they want to be. 

They’re also incredibly convincing at it. 

But don’t be fooled. 

Their charm is a well-rehearsed act designed to get what they want, whether from you or from others.

They thrive on control and manipulation, and will do what it takes to continue this weird game of human chess they are experts at. 

Understanding the core of a narcissist is crucial for all of us – especially you. 

Beneath all charm and smiles, they are often fragile. They fear their true selves being exposed – and they do all they can so that doesn’t happen. 

This fragility makes them dangerous, but it also makes it possible to outsmart them. 

Once you know what exactly is lurking behind the mask, you’ll be much better equipped to deal with their toxic tactics.

They Think They’re So Clever!

Narcissists believe they are the smartest person in the world, and nobody else compares even marginally. 

They convince themselves of this, and do their best to convince others too.

They use their quote-on-quote “intelligence” to dominate conversations and situations, which only makes others feel inferior. Is this a familiar story to you? 

It is to so many people, sadly.

The narcissist has a deep sense of superiority, which acts as a double-edged sword. 

Yes, it fuels their confidence and bravado. But also, it makes them vulnerable to being outsmarted. If you think about it, anybody can outsmart them, and it certainly doesn’t take much at all. 

Their arrogance blinds them to their own weaknesses, which can backfire on them!

What does this mean? Well, it means the narcissist can sometimes really underestimate others. 

Good news for you though – as this overconfidence is where you can find your edge.

Dealing with a narcissist requires more than just holding your ground; it’s about understanding their playbook and using their own tactics against them. They think they’re so clever, but with a little knowledge and strategy, you can turn the tables.

You? Really? …

Yes! Really!

You’re here because you’ve had enough of the narcissist’s mind games, right?

Outsmarting them is now a healthy option for you, and you should definitely do all you can to do it.

If the narcissist is your friend, boss, family member or lover – the time has come to regain control and peace of mind. 

You’re so not alone.

Many people struggle with how to handle narcissists effectively. 

The key? 

Outsmart them!

Let’s get to the good bit…

How to Outsmart a Narcissist

#1 Be Firm – Set Your Boundaries!

Narcissists are known to thrive on pushing limits, no matter who they belong to. Oh yes, expect boundaries to be constantly tested. They will look for your weakness and then exploit them, until now, that is!

The first step in outsmarting a narcissist is to get your boundaries as firm and clear as possible. This means being completely transparent about behavior you will accept, and what behavior you won’t.

Don’t stop short at setting boundaries, you have to enforce them too. When that narcissist attempts to walk all over them, you have to calmly and consistently push back. 

Make your language clear – and assertive. No, they won’t like it, but hey, this isn’t about them anymore, is it? The less emotion you apply, the better. After all, narcissists feed off any kind of reaction.

Composure is key, just like consistency. 

#2 “Gray Rock”

The gray rock method is such an empowering tool when dealing with any narcissist. 

The idea of gray rock is to make yourself as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible.

You might think that sounds easy but it does take a little practice to get it just right.

Remember, narcissists crave drama and seeing you act ‘overly-emotional.’ By being boring and unengaging, you deny them that very satisfaction they seek.

Bingo!

When they try to provoke you, be bland. Be the human equivalent of vanilla.

Avoid showing anger, frustration, excitement – any of it. Over time, they are strongly likely to lose interest in trying to manipulate you because you’re not giving them the fuel they need.

You’ve become so boring!

No…. I am just doing my best to outsmart your attitude…

#3 Deflection – Master It!

Narcissists love to put you on the spot – it’s their attempt to make you feel uncomfortable. 

One way to tackle this is to master what I like to call the art of deflection.

Whenever they try to criticize or undermine you, that’s when you redirect the conversation. Ask them a question that shifts the focus back onto them or onto a neutral topic.

I’ll give you an example.

They criticize your decorating work at home (how predictable, right?) 

Now you respond with, “Interesting point. What do you think about the weather lately?” 

It sounds crazy, but it really throws them off and totally stops them in their tracks. 

#4 Information is Preparation!

Ah yes, narcissists will often use misinformation and lies to manipulate everybody else. 

You can outsmart them here by being well-informed and prepared. Do your research, re-check facts, and even have evidence to back it all up. 

Many people I know have been known to write down information or revert to old texts for screenshots to prove their points. 

This will all reduce the narcissist’s ability to use deception against you.

This is all about concrete information – and who can argue with the facts?

#5 Gather Your Support System

It’s not uncommon for narcissists to isolate their victims to assert themselves and gain more control.

You can maintain a strong network of people you love and trust. Seek support from anybody you know who may understand the situation you’re in, and who can provide advice.

Encouragement is also heavily advised here!

Having that crucial support system will help you stay grounded in your reality. When a narcissist is trying their best to get to you, you have people you can rely on to turn to. 

Let’s start unlock that potential!