You are officially a favorite person of the narcissist all the while you throw your life away in order to care about, or for them.
If you’re abandoning yourself in favor of them, you can stick around for as long as you want to.
But wait. There’s an alternative on the horizon. It’s called not caring any more.
That’s right. You literally just stop. Before you know it, what’s always worked now shrivels up and ceases to exist.
And the narcissist? Well, they will react in a way that will take you by full surprise.
Here’s how.
You press halt
All that time of caring and putting them first has exhausted you. I get it. I’d be exhausted too if I had to spend every waking hour trying to please the narcissist to no avail.
You get their dinner ready, you make sure their clothes are clean and ironed, you get all the little treats they love so they appreciate you, you compliment and care when they’re having a bad day because that’s just who you are.
Let me say this; if you want appreciation, you’re looking at the wrong person.
Narcissists don’t even know how to be genuinely grateful, let alone keep up the running theme of being appreciative of everything you do.
Imagine there comes a day where you press halt. Like pulling the brakes on a fast moving train that you want to get off.
The motion slows, and you’re ready to open the door and fling yourself out when it’s safe to do so.
Pressing halt on how you care about a narcissist will give them a wake up call, and there will be a major shift in how they react to this sudden change of dynamic.
The narcissist will hate that, after all, they set up and invented the dynamics between you, and now you’ve come along and decided to crash them to pieces!
Stop caring? You’ve had enough!
There comes a point where you reach your boiling point. You become accustomed to just being told what to do, how to do it, and being treated like crap.
You wait for a miracle, but it never comes with a narcissist. Instead, they continue their abuse and leave you wondering if there will ever be a time you’ll feel happy, safe and secure with them.
You’ve had enough.
And so it is within your rights to stop caring. Stop pouring into a cup that you think will fill but instead has numerous holes in it made by the self-sabotaging narcissist.
Why do it?
After all this time, it’s no wonder you’ve given up. You spent so long trying to be the person they want you to be, to no avail.
Now you’re at the point where you have nothing else to give.
You’ve come to understand that caring doesn’t make them look at or appreciate you any more.
Giving them all your support, time and energy doesn’t change anything. You’ve decided you deserve a person who cares.
Or maybe, just maybe, you are stepping back to see what happens when you allow that space between you both.
There can be several reasons why you stop caring, but ultimately it will be because you have made the choice to make a change.
Their reaction to you when you stop caring
I have a question for you to open up this part of the topic to really get you thinking.
What is a narcissist afraid of the most?
Think about it for a moment, if you know, no spoiling it for everybody else!
Okay, I’ll tell you…
It’s abandonment.
Can you believe it?
The person who acts like they have it all together and who doesn’t need anybody fears being alone and abandoned the most.
The thought of being alone frightens the narcissist; a person who defines themselves based on how many likes they have.
This stems from the deep insecurity of not being liked, which is the main reason a person might leave another.
All those worst nightmares come true… not a good day for them.
When you stop caring, you initiate that worry – that fear – within them.
What is love-bombing?
In their absolute panicked state, you become their number one. There’s no doubt about it, they have to keep you from walking away entirely, and the only way to do that is to get you to regain interest in them quickly.
How do they do that?
Imagine it’s been dry for months, without a drop of rain. Everybody is becoming desperate, wanting the ground to be saturated and for nature to bloom again.
Just when you feel like giving up, along comes all the rain you could possibly wish for.
It falls from the sky in heavy bursts, and brings everything back to life. It’s sudden yet feels amazing.
Finally!
That’s kind of how love-bombing works. It’s only used when the narcissist knows they’ve discarded and mistreated you for a prolonged time.
That’s why it works so well. And it’s always intermittent. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be effective.
Taking you out and spending lots of money on you.
Sending you flowers at work.
Telling you they love you several times a day in texts or calls.
Making promises for the future.
Booking a vacation to go on together.
Telling you that you look beautiful.
Complimenting your cooking or baking.
The list goes on, but if it makes you feel good and gives you the attention you’ve been lacking, they will do it.
In turn, you will no longer want to be uncaring. You’re getting to feel this good, the last thing on your mind will be to be unkind in return.
Panic sets in!
As the narcissist panics and tries to hoover you back in with love and promise, their aim is to keep you interested so that you don’t leave.
Leaving would mean they have to source supply elsewhere. Leaving would confirm that they’re not lovable.
Leaving would mean the narcissist has to reframe it so that they are the victim.
It would mean admitting to others that there was something about them that was leaveable.
They scramble. They need to act fast if they’re to keep you from slipping away entirely.
Never let it draw you back in
I think that’s the whole point of all of this, isn’t it?
If you’re in a place where you don’t care, even if you’re just acting that way for a while to get a reaction, you know it’s game over. You know these games can’t go on forever.
Rather than deal with the root cause (them), you’re instead being drawn back into the fire to get burned yet again.
And you know what will happen and how that’ll turn out, but you do it anyway because it’s all you know.
It’s part of the narcissist cycle of abuse which is set to keep you coming back for more and more when all you want to do is heal.
So I ask you today. Heal. Be the person who wants a fresh start for yourself.
Just for a moment, picture yourself not caring permanently.
