Narcissists love to lie, but they always prefer to lie after a little preparation.
For them, it’s all about setting the tone and making sure you’re going to buy whatever crap they’re selling.
When you’re greeted with a smiling, charming character, it’s hard to think that they will say or do anything to you to hurt your feelings or betray you…
…But this is exactly how narcissists operate.
Save yourself the hassle again by getting to know the strange rituals narcissists do when preparing to lie.
#1 First off, it’s business as usual
You know the narcissist’s moods by now. You’re so used to them that you barely blink when they act the way they do.
Their behavior is ingrained into your mind, and you just go about your days anticipating the ups and downs, hots and colds, rage and silence.
Business as usual? You could say!
#2 Then comes the shift…
Before you get a chance to blink, there is a shift in the air. Something feels different, and you wonder what has caused it.
You think, “Did I do something to create such a good vibe today?” You don’t care, because all seems settled, and you’re pleased.
The narcissist is asking you how your day went. They came home with flowers for you, and they’re paying your new hairstyle a compliment that feels so rare, you blush.
They tell you not to worry about making dinner, and that they will order takeout as a treat.
You can’t believe your luck, and feel like this finally might be the turning corner you’ve been waiting for.
Finally, all that hoping and wishing and waiting has paid off.
#3 Niceness seems nice… right?
Of course it does!
You’re used to a relationship that you usually struggle with because it’s so inconsistent.
When the narcissist is nice like this, it’s as if they’re seeing the error of their ways and appreciating you, and that feels amazing.
Niceness is nice, and you wish you could see that side of them more.
In fact, maybe you will.
#4 Got you where they want you
Let’s dive over to the perspective of the narcissist for a moment, because I don’t think it should be underestimated or ignored at all.
The narcissist knows what they’re doing at all times. When they’re nice, there will always be a reason for it.
When they’re ignoring you, or yelling at you, there will always be a reason for that, too.
Getting you where they want you is conniving, but it is all in the plan to overthrow your feeling of safety and security, and that’s why it’s done so cruelly.
Having you feel like everything is fine is just a way for the narcissist to know that whatever they’re about to lie about will be protected by their good behavior.
#5 Then they betray you
And then it comes, right? The betrayal, the lie, the hurt and the pain.
You’re lied to, despite believing that the narcissist had turned a leaf and was prepared to treat you respectfully.
They have cornered your good nature and taken advantage of that yet again.
You didn’t see it coming because all you saw was a smile and the charm that always works for you.
Sadly, this is what narcissists do. They trick you, so they can steal a little more of your light when it suits them.
Lying is the perfect example of that.
Betrayal feels like you’re right back to square one, and it still feels so shocking, even though the ritual may be familiar. You just thought it wouldn’t be like that again…
But sadly, it was.
#6 You feel confused…
Why wouldn’t you? When the mood changes so drastically, it’s hard to keep up with.
It’s knowing that it had nothing to do with you that’s key though, and that’s where victims can sometimes become confused (by the narcissist, obviously).
There is this part of you that wants to know why the narcissist lied, if before the lie they were treating you so nicely.
It’s like trying to complete a jigsaw puzzle that doesn’t have all the pieces in the box; it just doesn’t work, nor does it show the real picture.
It’s no wonder you’re confused.
You just want a peaceful life, and the narcissist is doing all they can to prevent that.
Plus, there’s the whole lying thing. I mean, that’s the worst part of it all, and that you were set up to receive it as best as you can.
#7 Easier to forgive when the act is nice
The ritual rolls around to the idea that you are now being asked to forgive the narcissist.
I’d actually go as far to say that you aren’t even being asked, you’re simply being expected to forgive, without condition or question.
It’s got to be tough, right? You have to put your own morals and boundaries aside just to please a person who has purposely hurt you, and planned the whole thing through their sick ritual.
But as far as the narcissist is concerned, it is far easier to forgive somebody who has just treated you like royalty, than to forgive somebody who time and time again causes pain with no fragments of affection in between.
I am sad to say that this is the world we live in, and narcissists are everywhere, doing the same things to people who ultimately suffer from it.
#8 Using the ritual as a lesson to learn from
I always like to leave some kind of lesson for people when they’re reading up about narcissists and what they do to trick and lie.
On this occasion, it’s no different. This entire ritual looks to only serve them.
They love to know that they’re in control of every situation, and even the ones where they outright lie to get what they want, you still end up the one who feels guilty.
I say stop. I say no more. I say you have to really look inward to see the games being played, and how you can free yourself from them for good.
This is also a great time to remind yourself that lies are an intentful way for somebody to be dishonest with you and refuse you the respect of knowing the truth.
It means they can usually get away with whatever the heck they want, and in return because they’ve buttered you up and paid you a little attention, you’ll forgive.
At times, these are the kinds of lessons that victims seldom want to face up to, or admit that it’s a part of their lives. I know from all of your comments how much you suffer, and what you’ve been through.
The more you allow a person to lie, the more they will in fact grace you with such little respect that you’ll feel as worthless as they are putting you down as being.
Show yourself a way out of it by revealing this ritual to yourself, and looking out for the kinds of signs that point to the idea that you’re being lied to.
Only then can you stop the lie in its tracks and expose them for this evil game.
