The narcissist loves to abuse and play games at your mental and physical expense.
They twist and turn the emotional knife every single day, and expect you to just tolerate it.
They treat you like garbage, and in return expect to be treated like royalty.
But wait… as soon as you start to dish out the same kind of treatment to them, they can’t handle it.
I’m here to tell you exactly why that is.
#1 Narcissistic treatment
What can I say?! Initially, the treatment of a narcissist that you get from them is wildly contrasting than after you get to know them and witness the mask slip.
You’ll notice how charming they are when you first meet, and how they fall over themselves to get to know you and please you.
Narcissists love to hang onto every word you say, taking note of every fear and trigger you have.
They are keen to learn about your past, especially your past relationships, how you were treated, how you treated your ex, and how it all came to an end.
This is to ensure they can play on your weaknesses and allow eventual history to repeat itself, blaming you in the process, so you can say to yourself:
It really is me.
I really am the problem.
Before we get there, I want to talk about what happens when that charming, loving treatment of you shifts.
#2 You never anticipated it!
Why would you expect the narcissist’s treatment of you to change if you take people for face value?
To be honest, I never think a nice person is going to do their worst abuse on me over time, but over the years, I have learned enough about narcissists to spot the red flags and warning signs that I‘ve been charmed.
For those who are going through it for the first time, you won’t anticipate the change of treatment.
To go from nice guy to toxic guy isn’t pleasant. Imagine if you did the same to them? More on that in a moment…
#3 Tolerating their abuse
The toleration of narcissistic abuse can go on and on for years, even decades of your life.
It’s not that you openly and consciously approve of how the narcissist treats you,
but it’s more to do with feeling like you can’t live without them, or that you have been conditioned to believe you’re too worthless to find somebody new or even live alone.
A long time can go by where you are treated unfairly, without the narcissist even batting an eyelid.
They want to talk you down, carve out your character leaving you feeling empty, and stealing your joy and confidence.
They think it’s okay to cross those lines and stomp all over your boundaries.
They think it’s okay to take advantage of your good nature.
You, as a person who just wants no conflict, will do anything you can to please the narcissist, at the detriment of your entire wellbeing.
#4 The tables turn…
And here we have it. The moment we talk about you doing the same to the narcissist.
It’s the kind of table turning situation that not many victims of narcissistic abuse think about, and I am sure in reality, narcissists don’t, either.
Instead, they much prefer to assume that you will obey them, listen to and believe everything they say, and tolerate abusive treatment.
Because you’re conditioned to feel worthless and insecure, you won’t even question their abuse aloud.
Imagine though, if you did? Think about what it would mean to the narcissist if one day you snapped at them, told them how ungrateful and needy they are, gave them the silent treatment, criticized their hobbies, mocked them for going to the gym or weighing out their daily protein?
I am certain you’d never hear the end of it, and at the very least, you’d be cruelly discarded and thrown into their past quicker than you can blink.
# 5… and the gates of fury open
You won’t have seen anything like it.
I remember a client telling me once that she stood up to her father as an adult, and he lost it.
She was in her thirties, and witnessed him criticizing her, yelling at her for not making his breakfast properly, and telling her how ‘drab’ she looked.
It was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and she fired out:
Why don’t you just f**k off and leave her alone?
Her narcissistic father began pacing the kitchen, up and down the long room, fists clenched, spitting random sounds that tried to form words, to no avail.
To this day, he hasn’t forgiven his daughter for saying that, but to the woman who spoke the words, she gave as good as he was giving her mother.
She defended her, and yes, it was pretty direct. But having that treatment thrown back in his face was not a great moment for him.
He did not know how to handle being spoken to abusively, and instead of finding a moment of reflection where he agreed he was being out of line, his daughter’s reaction became the problem that has never gone away.
The part that always makes me smile?
When she said to me:
Alex, it was worth every second and I don’t regret a thing.
#6 Narcissists can’t handletheir own medicine
The taste of a narcissist’s own medicine is enough to send bitter shivers down their toxic spines.
They cannot stand the mirror of abuse shining back at them, so if you treat them anywhere near how they treat you, you’d better be prepared for their wrath.
And what might that wrath look like?
Think about the little case study I gave you, because that’s pretty spot on.
Their own medicine shocks them, but that shock hides the insecure panic and fear that’s bubbling away in their chest.
They get angry and widen their eyes in disbelief, because they cannot quite get their head around the fact that you are taking a stand for yourself.
#7 Should that stop you?
I’d say firstly, never put yourself in a position where you may end up physically hurt.
It’s never ideal to dangle the bait to the point where you know the narcissist in your life will cross a whole other line, and you end up getting hurt and caught in the crossfire.
However, I do encourage you to think about what their treatment says about them and how they feel about you.
Nobody in love would dream of abusing their partners. Nobody in love wants to chip away at the other person’s identity to the point where there is nothing left.
If you are being treated unfairly and unkindly, I would firmly suggest re-evaluating your relationship and where you want it to go.
People who want a happy ending will never get one if they’re involved with a narcissist.
Never stop being who you are, because I guarantee the narcissist will disguise themselves as a charming person just to be able to enter your life, so they can erase your character.
