Whether you broke up with the narcissist or they broke up with you, they’re going to want to move on quickly.
And don’t get me wrong, yes, through habit they can still keep tabs on you, but this is about them now.
And as they think they’re the best and most important person in the world, how they protect themselves will take priority over everything else.
If you want to know the real reason the narcissist is so keen to move on, I need to draw your attention to it fast.
Buckle up.
Narcissists: The Human Cars
I like to call them human cars, because that’s exactly what they are.
Think of it this way. You’re driving home from work, and you’re running on empty. You’re desperate to find a filling station, and you make it just in time.
Worry over!
You pull in, you fill your tank, and both you and your car are much happier.
Narcissists are the same with their own need for supply. Treating it like it’s fuel for themselves, they will beg, borrow and steal from anybody willing to hand it over.
Supply might be the way you beg to know what’s wrong when they purposely give you the silent treatment.
It’s in how you stop eating pasta because they tell you it makes you look bloated. It’s how you stop chasing your dreams because they tell you that you’re just average.
Suddenly, they suck up your reponse to make them feel good.
It’s a Case of Running on Empty
The hard truth for them, right?
Without you, their supply runs low and they run on empty. They’ve got nothing and nobody to extract life from, and they start to suffer quickly.
Panic mode sets in.
What do I do now?
Where do I go?
How can I make this better?
Cue the topic title.
Narcissists can and will move on in the blink of an eye. They’re not interested in pining after you or wishing things were different. Missing you isn’t down to loving you.
Missing you is down to what you did for them and all the things you gave to them because of who you are, and who you wanted to be for them.
When the narcissist runs on empty, they are going to latch onto the first person who has similar traits to you.
The forgiving.
The kind.
The vulnerable.
The person who needs love.
The people-pleaser.
The shy.
The good listener.
The apologizer.
The empath.
Wanted: Supply
I know for sure if the narcissist could put up wanted posters, they would. If they could officially advertise to recruit, they would.
Supply to them is a way to feel something that I can’t even describe as normal. It’s not normal to take from others what they need for themselves.
And I would guess that what they take from you, you earn yourself, right?
Through things you love, a job that makes you happy, or spending genuine time with people you care about.
The narcissist can’t naturally produce their own supply, so they see yours, and they want it.
Luckily for them, they know exactly what to look out for in a person with the right traits. It’s old hat, and it never really takes that long.
Remember – this is what they live for.
They’re professionals.
What Supply Looks Like
How many of these do you really feel?
The narcissist hunts out compliments or praise from you, and you willingly hand it all over.
You fall into the trap each time they play the victim, giving them the attention and sympathy they’re actively seeking out.
Believing them when they tell you that your reality isn’t right. You agree that you must just be ‘confused.’
When you are criticized, you start to stop doing what causes that criticism, even if it’s simply being happy, or enjoying a hobby you’ve always loved.
When they go silent on you for no reason, you ask what you did wrong, and how you can make it better.
Do any of those sound familiar to you?
What Supply Feels Like
For the narcissist, supply feels amazing. It’s what they live for. The feeling of knowing they have taken control of a situation, or a person, or an emotion in another – it can’t be matched.
Watching their world move and shift around them at their command is what the narcissist lives for.
And I can’t stress enough – they don’t care about how it makes you feel.
Have you ever felt the supply get sucked right out of you? At the time, you may not have known what was going on, but I want you to reflect for a moment.
Giving your energy – in whatever form that looks like – can feel like:
- Pure exhaustion. You have no idea why you feel so tired, but you do.
- Losing yourself just that little bit more. What is that that’s taking you away from yourself?
- Confusing. Why does the person who claims to love you and care about you feel so intent on making you so miserable?
- Painful. You just want to love and be loved. It shouldn’t be this way.
- Depressing. Is this your life now?
- Anxiety personified. What can you do that’s right, if anything at all?
You see, whatever the narcissist feels about your supply, you’re going to feel the exact opposite.
So, you are starting to understand why the narcissist needs to move on so quickly, aren’t you?
Without their euphoric feeling when they make you feel this terrible, they aren’t getting a single thing.
They need somebody else to rule.
Don’t Get Sucked in: Somebody Else’s Problem
The narcissist’s need for supply shouldn’t be your problem. It’s not your fault that they need to make other people feel like this just to feel good.
I’d urge you to think about what the narcissist cycle of abuse looks like, so you can keep a step ahead.
For them, moving on quickly is essential if they are to keep supply coming their way.
They will find the first person who ticks all the boxes of being their next victim.
They want somebody caring.
Somebody forgiving.
Somebody kind.
Somebody who doesn’t need a lot of love in order to feel so wanted and valued.
Somebody who will make excuses for them.
Somebody with triggers and a difficult past.
Somebody willing to part with their boundaries.
When they move on, they will hoover that person up, and start a brand new cycle with them.
That’s not your problem, but in knowing what they will do next, it should give you a strong idea of what they’ve been doing now – with you.
To say you’re better off without the narcissist is an understatement.
If you’re praying hard for relief from the narcissist in your life, start off with the simple idea that how good making you miserable makes them feel doesn’t have to exist, if you learn how to respond flatly.
Be gray. Be indifferent. Ignore them. Give them nothing when they want everything.
Start to see that each time you give them what they want, you lose a little more of yourself.
Life is too short to surrender yourself.
