The Real Difference between a ‘Narcissist’ and Narcissistic Personality Disorder

This is not a case of splitting hairs.

There are no slight differences between having Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and being a narcissist.

This is big, and it’s important to really delve into the small print so that we don’t accuse the most dangerous people of being simply narcissistic.

Nor do we want to label somebody remotely vain or self-involved the same as truly damaging, unpleasant and nasty manipulators.

Let’s get to those differences…

The Real Difference between a ‘Narcissist’ and Narcissistic Personality Disorder

What You Hear A Lot…

Narcissist is a word thrown around a lot lately, isn’t it?

The world we live in is becoming more focused on the self, and not in a deep, philosophical way. We live in a ‘selfie’ society, where influencers have more influence on followers than say, authors or doctors. 

If you can pose in front of a sacred statue and get 250,000 likes in the first day, then you’re considered a success.

It’s those kinds of people who would be labeled a narcissist by the masses. 

Would they be right?

What is a narcissist, and is it any different from having Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Narcissists: Who Are They Really?

Narcissism is a trait of a person. Like somebody can be shy or outgoing, somebody can be narcissistic. 

That might look like: 

  • Being self-absorbed
  • Spending too much time in front of the mirror
  • Loving themselves a little too much

It’s a little bit like a spectrum. At one end, yes, we all display traits of narcissism on a healthy level. We can be competitive, and want to get that job. We can feel dismayed when we don’t, and feel like it was deserved to us.

It’s healthy on some level to think you’re worth more than you are currently getting. It’s also healthy to want to better yourself in life and become better at something.

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Then you can travel down the spectrum, right to the other end, and discover…

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

…Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Now, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a formal and recognized condition. Therapists actually use it to diagnose and treat, like other mental health disorders. 

There are nine formal symptoms a person can have with NPD, and a diagnosis usually involves a person ticking five of those boxes.

Those nine symptoms are:

  1. Grandiose behavior, or a high sense of self-importance
  2. Having fantasies about succeeding or having power
  3. Not much insight, if at all, into things
  4. A need that is constant for praise and admiration
  5. Lack of empathy
  6. A sense of entitlement
  7. A toxic blend of jealousy, lack of trust in others and competitiveness
  8. Arrogance towards other people
  9. Manipulation tactics that you play on others 

You can see why narcissism in general and NPD can seem the same, but really, they aren’t. 

People with NPD can be dangerous and very intimidating to people who don’t know how to handle them properly. 

Understanding The Difference: Will it Turn?

The answer isn’t really clear, as everybody is different. You might have a streak within you that wants to see you get the best out of your work situation.

You’ll do what it takes to get promoted and work yourself to the top without worrying about who is failing or suffering around you because you love what you do. 

But that might also be where it ends for you.

Traits of NPD are seen in childhood or as the child grows through adolescence, and those symptoms only continue to grow and become more problematic with time and age. 

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Narcissism can exist all by itself in everybody and can only ever really become evident occasionally.

You might notice it in yourself or somebody else, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you must start waving all the red flags and labeling that person. 

Using What You Know

Knowing what you know about narcissists and Narcissistic Personality disorder will go a long way to keeping your focus clear as you look ahead.

The world is full of people who are vain and only interested in themselves. It is also home to too many people who tick all the boxes for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. 

Learning about narcissism, I believe personally, will save a lot of people. Getting caught up in a relationship with a narcissist, or even working with or becoming friends with one, can have really detrimental effects on you. 

Your health.

The decisions you make.

The control you feel you have over your life.

The way you view yourself.

The job you have, or the hobbies you enjoy doing.  

It’s time to think about how narcissists affect all of those things, no matter how they present themselves in your life. 

Knowledge is power. It can be the difference between saying yes to a very charming person and being cautious of their intentions enough to steer clear. 

The Diagnosis

I think this is probably the one problem people have, and I completely understand why.

There are thousands, if not millions of people scattered all over the world who have NPD that are not diagnosed.

It isn’t like diagnosing somebody with cancer, where a person willingly knows something isn’t right. They go for tests and they find out what they have. 

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A person has to first admit there are personality issues, and go to see a therapist who will be qualified to say, “You know what? You actually have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.”

How many truly dangerous and toxic people in your life will go, “Oh dear, okay. Well, I’d better work on that then, because I don’t want to be toxic.”

Don’t get me wrong – there will be people. But they will be so few that you won’t even register them on any statistics results. 

But most people won’t.

Think about it.

It goes against everything that NPD raises as symptoms.

Nobody who thinks they’re perfect will openly admit to not being so.

Nobody who thinks so much of themselves will believe somebody else has the brains and skills to judge them.

It sounds hilarious to me to even think of some people I’ve met in my time accepting their NPD diagnosis, and that’s where the problem is.

The world is full of people unaware of their toxicity; instead of fixing it, they spread it. 

They ruin the lives of other people.

They trap good, honest and loving people in relationships for sometimes decades, just to gain power and control over them.

They triangulate and cause mass fallout where there would be none. 

So I do say to you now, if there is a narcissist in your life, a diagnosis isn’t going to make their symptoms any worse or better.

And you don’t need a diagnosis to confirm how much they’ve damaged you, either. 

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