The Price You Pay for Loving a Narcissist

Loving a narcissist is not going to come free of problems. They might seem like loving, caring people when you first meet them, but they hide a dark secret.

By the time you discover that secret, you’re already in love.

So, how expensive is that love to your well-being? How much of your happiness do you have to sell in exchange for falling head over heels?

It’s not good news, I’m afraid. As you know – loving a narcissist comes at a high price.

More Expensive Than You’ll Ever Realize

Nobody ever envisages having to pay a price when they meet and fall in love with somebody.

I don’t mean pulling out your purse and having to hand over any money – I mean the proverbial price your wellbeing has to pay in exchange for falling in love with somebody more toxic than you’ve ever known. 

Why Does It Have To Be This Way?

If who you fall in love with happens to be a narcissist, it’s never going to be any other way, I’m afraid. The pattern of love and pain is exactly the same as all others who do the same with other narcissists.

You’re never going to have your happy ending. 

At first, it feels amazing. The love you feel is strong – even intense. You feel as though you’ve never felt anything similar – and you know quickly that you cannot compare it to any other relationship you’ve been in. 

No sooner do you feel like you’ve found The One – the cracks appear.

The moods alight. The anger surfaces. The criticism becomes too loud to bear. They pull you from the pens you love so that you’re alone and solely reliant on them. 

No sooner have you fallen for them hook line and sinker – your world totally changes when you find out who they really are…

…And all the ways they will never make you truly happy. 

Love To You Vs. Love To The Narcissist

While you see love as a bond that brings two people together, they see love as a way to further control you.

If you love them, they can have so much going their way. That’s why they make falling in love with them so easy. 

Love isn’t like that for you. It’s more about wanting to spend the rest of your life with somebody.

Finding that person to join you and form a team. Respect. Support. Compromise. Compassion. Laughter and fun. Trust. Reliability. Consistency. 

The problem occurs when the narcissists gives you the impression they can give you those things, and they really do that well.

Promises are soon to be broken – and by then – you’re already head over heels. 

All You Value: Never Happening

You bring your values to the table of every potential relationship, and you hope the person you meet can align with them. 

Narcissists will never fit that mold.

They don’t have values, even though they might tell you they do. 

So what happens to yours? As values usually manifest as boundaries, yours get walked all over.

They will just be invisible – as if the narcissist is more important than anything you deem to matter to yourself. 

So, when you constantly give yourself up like that and refuse to show up for yourself, you abandon what you stand for.

For the sake of a narcissist?

That’s the price you pay. 

Loneliness

Loneliness is one heck of a price to pay for loving a narcissist.

They will see that you have completely been isolated from those you love and who love you. The enjoyment that comes from watching people dwindle around you is that there will be less influence on you.

Soon enough, that influence will be them, and them alone. 

That’s exactly how they like it. 

I wonder how many of you have felt lonely in your own relationships with a narcissist? How long did it take you? 

It actually seems to take no time at all. During the love-bombing stage when you think everything’s rosy, the narcissist is already pulling you away. This is because they’re pulling you toward them in almost a magnetic manner, but you don’t even realize it. 

It’s only when the discard phase kicks in and you discover you’ve not spoken to your friends for a long time that you start to see how lonely you really are. 

Loss of Self

Who are you? When was the last time you recognized that person looking back at you in the mirror?

What happened to the light in your eyes? When did you last do something you really love, and really enjoyed it? Why don’t you practice your hobbies any more? What do you stand for? 

Losing it all is part and parcel of loving a narcissist. They will take it from you and use it for their own supply.

When they see you trying to be independent, or creative, or happy outside their own presence, they will panic. They don’t want you to enjoy life without feeling guilty for it, or even ashamed. 

Anxiety

I don’t need to tell you what feeling like you’re walking on eggshells is like.

I wonder what kind of mood they will be in or how they will react when you speak or share news.

Asking yourself if they seem in a good enough mood to approach them to ask something.

Constantly trying to second guess what will happen. Wondering what tomorrow will bring. Worrying that they will find somebody better than you if they haven’t already. 

The list of reasons why victims of narcissistic abuse suffer incredulously from anxiety could go on and on.

Without these feelings, you’d be a completely different person, and that’s the heavy price to pay when you fall in love with somebody toxic. 

Depression

When it comes to our mental health, feeling nothing is worse than feeling pain. When you break an arm, it hurts in the area concerned, which is good! Doctors will be able to isolate the area and treat it.

Mental health is different. Feeling nothing day in and day out, and having that interrupt your self-care, your identity, self-esteem, your confidence – that is where depression lives.

Loving a narcissist means taking accountability for the things you are told that you do wrong. Eventually, those things weigh down on a person, making them not bother with anything.

Depression roots itself here, and is hard -not impossible – to shift. 

Never Knowing Love

You deserve to truly know what love is, but all the while you’re with a narcissist, that’s not going to happen. 

Narcissists will fake you out and make you think love is what they are providing. 

It’s not. 

If you stay – you won’t get to find out. 

Their Way or The Highway

For what? For them just to get their own way? 

You follow their rules and live under their commands and demands and don’t get a single say.

Is that a life you’d be proud of a loved one living? What advice would you give to somebody you care deeply about if they came to you with this?

Living life under the rules and regulations of another is no way to live – but those who love a narcissist always find themselves there. 

Is it What You Really Want?

Whether you are a pre-, present, or narcissist – ask yourself if you will tolerate paying that price. 

I’m hoping your answers are unanimous.