The Person You Loved Does Not Exist

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but they really don’t exist. 

They have been fabricated by your mind, hoping that one-day reality will match your inner wishes. Those wishes have turned into love for a fictional person.

The narcissist is exactly who they are, and what you see is what you get.

Moving on after narcissist abuse is incredibly challenging, but you will find it a real healing process.

Knowing the person you loved wasn’t real is the only way you will fully move on from them.

Let’s look at what that looks like for you.

I’ve got you.

In The Beginning…

Meeting and falling in love with a narcissist is not something anybody ever intends to do. The fact is, nobody knows they’re falling for a narcissist – they just think they’re falling in love with somebody who seems perfect for them and to them.

It’s wonderful to feel like you click and that you’ve found someone who ticks all your boxes. 

It’s like you know there’s a happy ending before it’s even truly begun. All your fears are pushed aside by somebody who claims to have found their soulmate.

They Don’t Exist

The person you love, doesn’t exist. They never did exist, but instead, they became a person you built up in your head.

Soon enough, the narrative became your relationship. What you wanted and created in your mind through their fake promises became a real part of your own reality.

That’s the version you fell in love with, not the abusive narcissist.

Their abuse became something you automatically overlooked because you became so fixated on it being love that the abuse itself was quickly forgiven.

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It Wasn’t Your Fault

It’s safe to say, right from the start, that none of this was your fault. It’s easy to assume you were a fool or that you made a fool of yourself, but narcissists are so convincing in the beginning that, actually, the charm was just too alluring. 

Don’t blame yourself. 

How You Made That Version of Them So REAL

#1 You Believe What They Said

Why wouldn’t you? You’re a good person. You believed what they said because you don’t assume people lie when they talk.

Narcissists are serial liars, and they will say whatever it takes to be believed.

It’s not something you necessarily ‘walked into.’ 

It’s how convincing they are, and how much they wanted to manipulate you. There are no limits to what they will do here.

All those lovely words and promises. It felt like it was just you and them in this world, didn’t it? They wanted to get right to the center of your weaknesses and camp there. 

Well, they did that successfully. And you believed it all. 

Don’t blame yourself for this. You did what any good, honest person would have done. 

You believed them. 

At the time, there was no reason not to. 

#2 You Built Up The Person In Your Head

Have we all been guilty of this to some degree? We compile this person in our head of somebody, whether that be good, bad or simply different to who they actually are

It’s so easy to do with narcissists, because they offer such an idealistic view of themselves to people they just meet. 

They seem so wonderful, loving, and giving. They want you to think how important you are to them and how much you mean. From those few ingredients, you’ve gone and made yourself a complex meal. Only if you look closely will you forget a few vital things.

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Because those vital things actually don’t exist.

#3 You Liked Feeling Wanted

Who doesn’t? It’s lovely to feel wanted by somebody you like. It’s nice to receive that attention, and it’s an initial boost to your self-confidence. Somebody likes you, and you kind of like that.

When the narcissist chooses to spend time with you, or talk to you, or text you, it means they are thinking about you.

It’s a nice feeling, and one that you immediately want to reciprocate. 

Underneath that, though, is a person purposely vying for your attention so you can become their next source of supply.

They will discard you as quickly as they latched onto you. You won’t believe that until it happens. 

#4 It All Happened So Quickly

Narcissistic relationships have a fast-forward button in the beginning. Everything happens in the blink of an eye. Narcissists know from the get go who is going to be perfect for them, and who is controllable under their spell. Once they spot you, they can’t let you go. 

What does that mean for you?

Well, it means you get to see them in action. You get to be swept up in the toxic tornado, mistaking it for a fairytale. 

The person behind the fairytale doesn’t exist. But the show is very convincing to you. 

#5 You Invested So Much Time

The time that goes by in a narcissistic relationship makes those who go through it feel sad when it ends. You can indeed look back on your history with someone, and see that duration as a reason why you don’t want that relationship to end.

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You’ve been through things together. You overcame this, you got through that. You have a history. 

Look at the history of the entire world. War. Slavery. Famine. Poverty. Do you want any of those back, too?!

No.

Can you go back and change any of it?

No.

But you can learn from it all, and move on. 

#6 They Told You Things About Them

The narcissist will have used moments together with you to open up and let you know things about their past. How hard their childhood was, how absent a parent was, how difficult they had it. 

You feel them opening up was a sign that they loved you and cared about you. In fact, it was just a ploy to get you to think they had a heart. You felt it was them proving their trust for you. 

It wasn’t.

They’ve done this before, and they will do it again. You were nothing special to them.

#7 You Felt Special

When you feel like you’re in love and that love is being returned, it does make you feel special. The problem is that it wasn’t love for them in the first place. Ultimately, you always revert to the time you did feel special without fully appreciating it was all a lie. 

You were made to feel special. The narcissist love-bombs as a form of control and manipulation, with their plan being for you to form an attachment to them.

You can’t live without them. 

None of this is real – it’s all for show. 

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