There’s always that one thing designed to make any narcissist snap like they’re a crocodile skimming the Florida Keys.
When the atmosphere goes from zero to one hundred in a split second, you can guarantee one thing is behind it.
I’m not talking about a single person here. It can be down to anybody to make this happen.
But trust me – that snap is going to bite hard if you aren’t careful.
When Snapping Isn’t Normal
We all do it, don’t we?
Bad days where we come home from work and we’re tired.
We say something we don’t mean, or in a tone we don’t mean to exude – and there it is – the negativity.
For those non-narcissistic, there is the ability to clearly self-reflect. We say sorry, and we mean it.
We value the forgiveness of those we directed our snappy behavior at, and we endeavor to be better next time.
Narcissists don’t think that way, nor do they care how many times they overstep the snapping boundary.
Narcissists Always Have To Speak The Loudest
And their voice can be so annoying.
We hear you. You think you’re amazing. You know you’re always right, even when we all know you’re wrong.
And when you snap… you love to make the person you’re snapping at feel as uncomfortable as possible.
When you try and get a word in? You immediately get talked right over.
Sound familiar to you?
Overcompensating
This is the problem, isn’t it?
The narcissist snaps to overcompensate for whatever it is that they’re lacking.
Seeing as we’re talking about narcissists, we know they’re lacking lots.
Underneath their volume, they know they aren’t a fraction of the person they’re trying to sell us.
Narcissists are insecure, unloving, self-loathing people. But they snap at you to make themselves feel better.
Driving The Narcissist To Snap…
So what specific things do you do to make the narcissist snap?
Let me start by saying this…
…What you do is not a problem.
How the narcissist responds to you, makes it a problem.
You drive the narcissist to snap simply by being and acting normally.
But boy oh boy, do they hate one particular thing.
And I can guarantee the narcissist will snap when you do this…
Undermining Them
Can we all agree?
Now I stress this again – the undermining can be unintentional, but it can also be intentional.
Examples of undermining the narcissist:
#1 Going no contact.
For whatever reason you decide that no contact is the best way to handle the narcissist in your life, it’s not going to go down well with them.
All their lives, narcissists face an inner battle with their own self-loathing.
Under it all, they hate the person they are, and all of that hate is projected onto you.
When the time comes that you’ve had enough of being mistreated, you will draw a line and say enough is enough.
That’s going to throw the narcissist right off and ruin the entire dynamic kingdom they’ve created. They are going to let you know about it.
#2 Disagreeing with them in public.
Oh no, you didn’t. You did? Well – how did that go? I bet at the time, nothing was really noticed by you, but when you got in the car to go home – all hell would have broken loose.
How dare you undermine me in front of our friends?
How dare you go against my word?
Just who do you think you are?
It’s a dangerous game, but you’re entitled to an opinion, right? In a normal world, yes. In a narcissistic world, absolutely not.
You must obey and nod and smile, and if you dare go against the grain, you are going to see the narcissist snap like never before.
#3 Figuring them out.
Undermining all the toxic games they play and pointing the finger of blame their way is a sure fire way to make the narcissist snap.
It’s another way of weakening them, and compromising the power they love having for themselves.
What you do in figuring them out is never giving yourself the opportunity to believe or fall for their tricks ever again.
For you, that’s a perfect way to start healing and moving on. You’ve crushed their perfected image for them, and the rage that brings them is off the scales.
You see how you can do something, either with or without intent, and it riles the narcissist?
What Undermining Does To The Narcissist
- Embarrasses them. Not that they will care to admit you had that power over them, but that temporary shift in control will anger them, making them more prone to snapping at you.
- Anger, anyone? Going against the narcissist is a serious move to make, and you have to be completely sure of who you are in order to have that courage to be so direct. But to the narcissist, you are trying to topple them.
The power you naturally carry threatens their tactics, so yes, they will be incredibly angry at you for undermining them.
- They want revenge. It’s not a problem for them to take it up a notch. If it means getting them off the hook, the narcissist is going to get revenge on you in some way.
Whether it be through punishing you personally, or creating a smear campaign to mark your name to your wider circles – never underestimate what lengths they can go to.
- Discard. Narcissists can easily be done with you when they feel like it. Usually this means they’ve got another form of supply lined up as soon as you leave, and that signals the end for your contact.
Undermining them proves to the narcissist that you’re not in it to play the victim forever. Maybe you once were, and you awakened.
Discarding you is how they literally dump you in favor of somebody who believes their lies, starting a new cycle with somebody else all over again.
Narcissists want you to play by their rules all of the time, and those rules change.
That’s why I always tell victims that no matter what you do or how hard you try, you will never please them.
That constant state of never winning is soul-destroying, and many people take it personally.
When you start fighting back and taking that power back, you undermine them.
Learning that this is what makes the narcissist snap is a real lesson to absorb, because it tells you a lot about what they tolerate from you. As long as you play ball, they will be fine.
When you start to ask questions, or hold them accountable – they will lose their mind.
