They just keep chasing you, don’t they? Narcissists are an incessant bunch of people – until you stop doing one thing.
And I’m not here to tell you to quit the good stuff. I’m sure there’s a lot you do that’s great.
But if you’ve got a narcissist who is intent on hassling you and refusing to quit – like a magic trick – you can make them disappear.
Does that sound appealing? I thought it might.
Let’s get to it!
Give Up…?
Narcissists love to be admitted, and are always seeking validation from you.
Their world floats around the idea that they are far superior to you and everybody else, and they rely on you to reinforce that idea.
Praise, admiration and always doing what they ask are just three ways narcissists expect that. So how do the dynamics turn out?
The narcissist thrives on being approved this way.
They see themselves as the master, and you as the beggar in the street. You buy into this self-importance, without realizing that it’s all an act.
Something magical happens when you stop seeking their approval.
When you stop playing into their need for validation and start living for yourself, you will be shocked at how quickly the narcissist just gives up on you.
They know you’re not in it any more, and they’ve got nothing up their sleeve to keep you.
What happens when you quit looking for their approval?
1. The Power Shift: They Lose Control
Whenever you find yourself near a narcissist, the one thing you will pick up on is how much better at everything they feel they are than you.
Note that I said feel they are, because it’s not always the way.
Sure, we’re all naturally more able or skilled to do certain things than other people. I am qualified to assess the mental health of somebody who wants to get better, but a software engineer won’t be.
This isn’t that. This is the way they air around everybody, expecting us to find them so important that we feel the need to seek out their approval at every opportunity.
Whatever the narcissist has held over you can be let go. You can feel good just by being you, not by letting them know they approve of you.
Put the validation for yourself back in your hands.
2. They Can’t Play the Praise Game Anymore
Raise your hands if you already know just how much narcissists love to be admired.
If people are being pushed to give them over-the-top praise, there becomes a reliance on you to be the one who foots the compliments.
You look amazing!
Great job!
You’re the best!
In turn, what does that do?
It gives the narcissist a way to get right to you. They know they can manipulate you, so they keep you around so that in the end, it’s you looking for approval and finding them important enough to be the ones to ask.
Stop admiring them.
They aren’t the best, and you know it.
Start thinking about yourself that way, instead.
3. They No Longer Have the Upper Hand
Chasing after the narcissist’s approval can become addictive when they try to manipulate you into thinking how special or unique they are. They don’t deserve special treatment at all.
Narcissists have learned that by withholding approval or affection, they can make you chase after their validation.
In turn that will end up giving them the upper hand in the relationship, which you want to avoid.
This shift in dynamics can be surprising for the narcissist, and as a result, they may try to regain control by using tactics like guilt-tripping or withdrawing their emotions.
If you aren’t dependent on their validation, they won’t get what they’re looking for.
The power has truly gone.
Nice thought, isn’t it?
4. They Can’t Gaslight You Anymore
Gaslighting is a dangerous tactic used by the narcissist to get what they want from you, while leaving you confused and unsure of what reality really is.
If facts can be distorted, and past events denied, they can keep you on your toes and question your thoughts and feelings easier.
Gaslighting is especially effective when you seek their approval or validation, as you may feel unsure of yourself and look to them for reassurance.
No longer needing their approval means you can comfortably shift from what they tell you is real, to what actually is real.
That’s a really powerful thing to take back.
5. You Stop Being Their Emotional Supply
If you don’t know them well enough by now, narcissists thrive when they are sapping the life out of you in order to gain supply.
You are not a maple tree.
Your supply an look like:
Praise
Sympathy
Anger
Attention
Admiration
When you hold it back, the narcissist eventually gives up with you. Stop doing it. Here’s why, and this is crucial:
The only reason you’re heaping on praise isn’t because you mean it. It’s because you like how they treat you when you give it.
Give up, and the narcissist will leave you alone. Having them around only brings more trouble for you, and that’s not what you should want for yourself.
6. They Stop Using You as a Mirror for Their Self-Worth
Narcissists are good at using others to reflect their own self-worth.
They have to feel special, and will rely on the reactions of you to validate that belief.
When you constantly seek their approval, you become a mirror for their ego that reflects their sense of superiority.
No more!
Stopping this means they’re finally forced to face their own insecurities and vulnerabilities.
About time, too.
7. They’ll Try to Find Someone Else to Validate Them
Quick! Find somebody else! The sooner the better!
You will hear the narcissist almost panic as they search frantically for a replacement for you.
They will bounce from person to person, trying to gauge who the best one is for the job.
Remember the boxes that need to be ticked, one of them is that the new victim must be in search of approval.
There is a desperate void that needs to be filled, and that’s what will happen the moment you stop, and they have no choice but to give up on you.
The Power
Self-validation lets the idea go that you need another person to make you feel a certain way.
If your emotions are in check and aligned with your purpose, nobody needs to pull you away from that or try to convince you that you need to change.
How about starting to realize that you’re perfect just the way you are?
As for the narcissist – let them give up!
