The cruel nature of a narcissist can only really be seen fully the moment they decide they’re leaving.
Nothing and nobody will be able to stop them from the decision they’ve made, and what makes it so much harder for the unsuspecting victim is how they leave.
They don’t want you to ever have closure; to ever be over them. In order for you to forever pine over them, they need to be sure they go out with a bang.
For them, it’s more entertainment. For you, the one thing narcissist’s do so you will never get closure, it’s pure pain.
#1 The time has come
You lived in a relationship that was so hot and cold, up and down, good then bad, that you can’t even recall the current time or day.
The narcissist made sure no two days were the same, leaving you constantly feeling as though you had to predict their next mood or move.
You went from falling in love fast, to watching their mask slip within weeks. By then, you were deeply in love (or trauma-bonded), and you made excuses for their moods and anger.
They were tired.
They have so much work going on.
They’re under pressure.
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They have bills to pay.
I upset them last night.
I need to be a more understanding partner.
I misinterpreted their mood.
I pushed too hard for that conversation.
You take it on, and admit that you are to blame for the fact that you’re now faced with a relationship that’s come to an end.
#2 It was always going to end up this way
This is me telling you that piece of information. I am not speaking on behalf of any narcissist, but instead I am letting you know that this is what they do.
It’s how they play their games, and nothing about that is going to change.
A narcissist doesn’t know how to live in a relationship that includes compromise, love, respect, faithfulness, encouragement and dignity.
There’s nothing safe or consistent about them, yet when you first meet them, that’s all they will pretend to offer you.
The charm will hit you out of left field, and you will want to do everything you can to hold onto it.
I don’t blame you, it sounds too good to be true, but it’s not. You should never trust anybody you barely know, no matter how nice they’re being to you.
The end game was set in stone the moment the narcissist laid eyes on you. It’s only now you’re discovering that.
Sooner or later, the narcissist was going to ghost you.
#3 Ghosting
It’s hard to talk about, as I know that ghosting is actually becoming more and more common, especially with the way so many relationships can extend to being online, too.
With social media, emails, texting messaging services; ghosting somebody can just be about pressing a few buttons and carrying on with your life.
But it’s cruel. It’s a cheap and nasty way to treat somebody, and there’s not a single thing the person on the receiving end can do about it.
Why don’t they call?
Why don’t they tell you what’s on their mind?
Why don’t they just tell you they don’t want to be with you or talk to you any more?
If life were that simple, there would be no toxicity floating around in it.
Narcissists always want to find the easy way out, and they don’t give your feelings a second thought.
#4 What happens when you’re ghosted
Ghosting is a line under a time that meant something to you, that you were not prepared for.
It’s unexpected, and it leaves you as the person suffering with no room to ask questions or explain how you feel.
There’s nothing, you’ve effectively been cut off from speaking to this person any more, with no warning.
Ghosting is becoming more and more common, and it has a profound effect on people.
You think you’re in a loving relationship, and you trust the other person highly. Ghosting can make a person feel:
- Worried. What did they say or do that was so wrong? What do they do now, and how can they overcome the ghosting without any closure?
- Heartbroken. You thought you knew that person. Suddenly they’re out of your lives with no remorse, and you have all this free time to overthink everything.
- This is all a reflection on you. Many victims go through this, as they think they’re just completely unlovable, and at fault for the demise of the relationship. They run things over and over and over in their minds, looking for the moment they knew they messed up. They don’t realize this was never about them.
It can take a long time to get over being ghosted, and the scars of being rejected so quickly, so harshly, will always be there.
#5 The truth behind this move
Ghosting a weak person’s way out. Leaving without warning saves somebody from being honest, open and having a conversation that might be difficult.
I don’t think this is working.
That’s all it takes. You’d be surprised just how many egotistical people are actually afraid of getting stuck into the vulnerable details of why they want out.
I’m scared.
I can’t do this.
It’s too intense for me.
I don’t love you.
Whatever the reason, they’d rather skip into the sunset with zero accountability or reason and forget about you than be the big person and discuss it properly.
#6 No closure for you
It does mean that you will never get the closure you want from them.
Ghosting will mean you are unable to get hold of the person who did it, and even if you somehow did get a new number or contact, they won’t reply and will block you on that as soon as they hear from you.
You can email into the night, on repeat. They won’t respond.
What does that kind of behavior do to you, though? You’re the one pushing yourself out there waiting and hoping for a reconnection.
You live each day refreshing your pages to see if the narcissist has reached out, but nothing.
Meanwhile, they’ve forgotten about you. They’re onto their next victim, who is just as unsuspecting as you once were.
You’ll never get closure, but that’s because you are allowing closure to only come from them, and not you.
#7 How ghosting affects victims of narcissistic abuse
Victims of narcissistic abuse struggle with ghosting, because it is yet another form of rejection, and adds weight to their belief that they aren’t good enough.
They fail to see that through the same patterns, comes the same outcomes.
Looking for the wrong kinds of people will always end badly, and that’s not because there’s anything wrong with the victim, but rather fault in the kinds of people they’re chasing.
Great power can come from knowing who you are, and knowing that you don’t need anybody else to give you the closure you need, when you can close the door and chapter on a narcissistic relationship yourself…
…And never look back.
